How To Comic Strips - Page 67
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1000 Results for How To
View 661 - 670 results for how-to comic strips. Discover the best "How To" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday August 02,
2002
Tags budget cuts, customer service, pranks calls to elderly, neighbor, treasure buried, under lawn
Transcript
Dilbert reports to The Boss, "Our budget cuts are affecting customer service." The Boss asks, "How much?" Dilbert continues, "Our customer service center spends all day making prank calls to the elderly." A customer service representative says into the phone, "According to our records, your neighbor has treasure buried under his lawn."
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Sunday August 11,
2002
Tags technically impossible, costs less, much cheaper, plan one or two, engineers
Transcript
Dilbert says to The Boss, "Both plans are technically impossible." The Boss responds, "Which one costs less?" Dilbert says, "Um... I don't see how that matters, but plan one is cheaper." The Boss reports to his manager, "Plan one is the best." The manager responds, "I'll take it to our V.P." The manager is meeting with an associate. The associate says, "I like plan two." The manager replies, "Great minds think alike!" The associate approaches the V.P. The V.P. says, "Excellent. Ask one of our engineers to present plan two to the board." The Boss approaches Dilbert and says, "Guess what." Dilbert says to Wally, "Every day I make the world a little bit worse." Wally responds, "What's it like to make a difference?"
Tuesday August 20,
2002
Tags executive body guard class, pounce, kidnapper, sacrifice yourself, inside help, reimburse
Transcript
The Boss approaches Carol at her desk and says, "Carol, I'm sending you to an executive bodyguard class." The Boss continues, "You'll learn how to pounce on a kidnapper and sacrifice yourself to keep me safe." Carol responds, "I'm taking a class called, 'inside help.'" The Boss says, "I can't reimburse for that."
Monday August 26,
2002
Tags five year plan, compared to plan, dust heap, history, education
Transcript
The Boss pulls a file out of his drawer and thinks, "What's this? It's our old five- year plan!" He opens the file and thinks, "I wonder how we did compared to the plan." The Boss approaches Dilbert and asks, "Have we relegated Microsoft to the dust heap of history?" Dilbert responds, "Shhh! They might hear!"
Tuesday September 03,
2002
Tags hate everyone, entire world, weasels, wide eyed, innocent child, unconditionally, tiny wesels
Transcript
Dilbert comes home and says to Dogbert, "Today I realized I hate everyone in the entire world." Dilbert continues, "I used to think I might like some people I hadn't met. But now I think they're weasels too." Dogbert asks, "How about a wide-eyed and innocent child who loves you unconditionally?" Dilbert responds, "Tiny weasels."
Friday September 06,
2002
Tags premature clickage, 3 stooges, visualize, finger exercises, contort face
Transcript
Headline: Mouse Training. The instructor says, "Today you will learn how to avoid premature clickage." The instructor continues, "Contort your face and visualize what you look like with a contorted face." The instructor sticks out two fingers and shakes his arm. He says, "Now pair off and we'll do some finger exercises that I call 'The Three Stooges.'"
Tuesday September 10,
2002
Tags new ceo, charisma, miracle worker, emptied wallte, gave back, classy
Transcript
Dilbert has his wrists stuck together and Wally is bound in duct tape. Dilbert says, "I like our new CEO. He has charisma." Wally replies, "The man sure knows how to rob. He's a miracle worker with duct tape." Wally continues, "He even gave me back my emptied wallet." Dilbert says, "Classy move."
Friday September 20,
2002
Tags woman, peeved questions, hostile, personality disorder, critical, mean, nasty
Transcript
The Boss introduces a woman to Dilbert, "Dilbert, meet a woman who acts peeved at any sort of question." Dilbert extends his hand and asks, "How are you?" The woman opens one eye very widely, "Poink." The woman exclaims, with one eye wide open and the other closed, "How am I???" Dilbert responds, "Wow. I gotta show this to Wally."
Monday September 23,
2002
Tags user interface, colors, puke, flu, interface design
Transcript
Dilbert points to his computer and asks Alice, "I designed the user interface myself. How do you like the colors?" Alice throws up, "Puke." Dilbert asks, "Flu?" Alice responds, "Interface design."
Monday October 14,
2002
Tags man on moon, recycled paper, flawed analogy, good analogies
Transcript
The Boss says to Dilbert, "If we can put a man on the moon, we can build a computer made entirely of recycled paper." Dilbert responds, "Your flawed analogy only shows that other people can do other things." The Boss says, "Maybe you should call other people and ask how they do it." Dilbert responds, "Maybe they use good analogies."

