New Employee Comic Strips - Page 67
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1000 Results for New Employee
View 661 - 670 results for new employee comic strips. Discover the best "New Employee" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday July 31,
2002
Tags new baby, lack of sleep, taking toll, i am mother, no sleep, working with no sleep
Transcript
Dilbert approaches a markedly disheveled coworker and asks, "How's your new baby?" The coworker responds, "Wonderful, but the lack of sleep is taking a toll on my body." Dilbert asks, "How's Becky doing?" The coworker responds, "I AM Becky. Bob looks worse."
Tuesday August 06,
2002
Tags three hole punch, waltzing in, borrowing things, whack list, demanding, in exchange for, hole punch
Transcript
An employee asks Carol, "May I use your three-hole punch?" Carol waves her hand and exclaims, "Whoa Whoa Whoa!" Carol says, "You can't come waltzing into this department, using our stuff and leaving your holes." The employee says, "I'll clean up the holes." Carol hands him a piece of paper, "I want you to whack the people on this list."
Thursday August 08,
2002
Tags empty cubicles, frightens customres, adopt cubicle, decorate, appear occupied, phil de cube, imaginary employee
Transcript
The Boss addresses a meeting, "We have too many empty cubicles. It frightens our customers." The Boss continues, "Each of you will adopt an empty cubicle and decorate it to appear occupied." Wally and Dilbert are walking out. Wally says, "My imaginary employee will be a Frenchman named Phil de Cube." Dilbert responds, "Nice."
Friday August 09,
2002
Tags telecommunting, fired four years, get email, stopped coming
Transcript
The Boss turns to an employee and asks, "Who are you?" The employee responds, "I'm Allen. I've been telecommuting for four years." The Boss says, "Allen? I fired you four years ago. Didn't you get my e-mail?" Allen and Dilbert are walking. Allen says to Dilbert, "This is exactly why I stopped coming to the office."
Saturday August 17,
2002
Tags dilberts moother, making conversation, massively incompetent, ashamed, dilmom
Transcript
Dilbert and his mom are watching television. Dilbert says, "Mom, here's our new commercial." Dilbert's mom replies, "It gives no information about your products. Are you ashamed or just massively incompetent?" Dilbert asks, "Why can't we be both?" Dilbert's mom responds, "I was just making conversation."
Wednesday August 28,
2002
Tags quitting, work for myslef, deal with morons, freelance webdesigner
Transcript
An employee comes into The Boss' office and says, "Ha ha! I quit you stinkin' pile of rubbish!" The employee continues, "I'm going to work for myself. I won't need to deal with morons like you again!" The employee calms down and adds, "On an unrelated note, if you need a freelance web designer, please call me."
Sunday September 01,
2002
Tags feedback meeting, ball rolling, long tern strategy, leak to competition, crushing, cubicle dwelling, optimists life, never easy
Transcript
The Boss addresses a meeting, "Welcome to my quarterly employee feedback meeting." The Boss continues, "Who wants to get the ball rolling?" Asok raises his hand. Asok says, "It would be helpful if you told us our company's long term strategy." The Boss responds, "Oh, would it?" The Boss continues, "Why? So you can leak it to our competitors?" The Boss stands and yells, "Here's your stupid suggestion in my hand! I'm crushing it! Crush, crush, crush!!!!" The Boss pretends to stuff something in his mouth and yells, "Now I'll chew it up so I can spit it in your cubicle-dwelling face!!!" As they're walking out, Wally says to Asok, "You fell for that trap last quarter too." Asok replies, "An optimist's life is never easy."
Monday September 09,
2002
Tags suspicious, new ceo, trailer park, burglar, mergers, acquisitions, accounting, wallet and watch
Transcript
The Boss introduces a man outfitted in a burglar suit, holding a sack. The Boss says, "This is our new CEO, Rufus T. Skwerrel. His first job was trailer park burglar. The Boss continues, "But thanks to a series of mergers and acquisitions, not to mention suspicious accounting, here we are." The Boss asks Rufus, "Would you like to say a few words?" Rufus pulls a knife out on Asok and says, "Wallet and watch."
Tuesday September 10,
2002
Tags new ceo, charisma, miracle worker, emptied wallte, gave back, classy
Transcript
Dilbert has his wrists stuck together and Wally is bound in duct tape. Dilbert says, "I like our new CEO. He has charisma." Wally replies, "The man sure knows how to rob. He's a miracle worker with duct tape." Wally continues, "He even gave me back my emptied wallet." Dilbert says, "Classy move."
Wednesday September 11,
2002
Tags new ceo, robbed us, breaking law, written opinion, tax lawyer, board of directors, loading van
Transcript
Dilbert is at home and still has his wrists bound. He says to Dogbert, "Then our new CEO backed up a moving van to the building and robbed us." Dilbert continues, "At first we thought he was breaking the law, but he had a written opinion from his tax lawyer saying it was probably okay." Dogbert asks, "What did the board of directors do?" Dilbert replies, "After loading the van?"


