Nose Job Comic Strips - Page 67
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991 Results for Nose Job
View 661 - 670 results for nose job comic strips. Discover the best "Nose Job" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday September 06,
2011
Tags office workers, job interview, work long hours, 14 hour days, bad descions, bad decision maker, good communicator
Transcript
Interview Alice: Can you work long hours if needed? Man: Yes. It's normal for me to work 14 hours a day. Alice: Research shows that working long hours causes people to make bad decisions. So we know you're a bad decision maker. Are you a good communicator? Man: Is the right answer "no"?
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Sunday September 11,
2011
Tags employees, unemployed, job performance, fire someone, cubicle, fired, wake up call, greatness, business
Transcript
Boss: Dilbert, your job performance is terrific. Dilbert: GAAA!!! That's code for "I'm going to fire someone else and make you do two jobs." Boss: Yes, but it's still better to be you than the guy I'm going to fire. Dilbert: We don't know that! This might be the wake-up call that spurs him on to greatness while I work myself to death in this cubicle. Boss: There's no way to please some people. Ted, you're fired. Ted: YES!
Saturday September 24,
2011
Tags anxiety, stress, burned out, gray hair, don't handle stress
Transcript
Man: I'm burned out by this job. Is that a gray hair? Dilbert: Have we met? Man: I started yesterday. I don't handle stress well.
Sunday September 25,
2011
Tags competition (psychology), goals for the year, assignments, average raise, invent nuclear fusion, lack of knowledge
Transcript
Boss: I'm getting writer's block trying to come up with your goals for the year. Dilbert: Just write anything. We both know I'll ignore the goals and work on whatever you assign to me. Boss: How will I know if you do a good job if you don't have goals? Dilbert: Same way as always. You'll compare your lack of knowledge about what I did to the goals you imagine you might have created if you could have seen the future. Then you'll give me an average raise just like everyone else who didn't invent nuclear fusion. Boss: Works for me. Dilbert: It's better to not overthink these things.
Saturday October 15,
2011
Tags cruelty, frustration, surrogate crier, worst meeting, frustrated, streotype
Transcript
Alice: I'm so frustrated that I want to cry, but I refuse to fall into the stereotype. Asok, I'm making you my surrogate crier. This might hurt a little. Asok: Worst meeting ever. Dilbert: I thought you did a good job on the high notes.
Sunday October 23,
2011
Tags computers & peripherals, internet & world wide web, down load apps, new phone, primary job, formulas in excel
Transcript
Boss: Can you show me how to download apps on my new phone? Dilbert: I could... but that would take time away from my primary job of showing you how to do formulas in Excel. Apparently the eight times I already taught you weren't enough. Boss: I don't use Excel often enough to remember from one time to the next. Dilbert: How often do you expect to download apps? Boss: It's hard to say. I just know I want all of them. How many are there? Dilbert: Four.
Sunday November 06,
2011
Tags interviews, suspicion, job interview, brand online, blog, tweets, facebook, credit, criminal record, transcripts, refrences, external stuff, attitude, yrine test, dna test, tanning bed, mri, psychology
Transcript
Job interview Boss: I researched your personal brand online. Man: My what? Boss: I looked at your blog, your Tweets, an your Facebook page. I Googled your name and followed every link. I checked your credit, criminal record, school transcripts, and references. But that's just the external stuff. Man: Exactly. It's my attitude that counts! Boss: No. I mean I also have the results of your urine test. Oh, and apparently some of your sample landed in a DNA test kit. And that tanning bed you used last week was actually an MRI. How's your attitude now? Man: Harder to fake.
Thursday December 01,
2011
Tags obliviousness, obstinacy, office workers, whiteboard, conference room, prohject timeline, zombie reflex mode
Transcript
Dilbert: Don't clean the whiteboard in the conference room. It has my project timeline. Janitor: I can't promise that. I slip into a sort of zombie reflex mode when I do this job. Dilbert: I envy you. Janitor: Would you like a few minutes to say goodbye to your timeline?
Tuesday December 20,
2011
Tags employees, interviews, tools for job, resource, agree to disagree, business
Transcript
Boss: Question four: do you have the tools to do your job? Wally: That depends. Do you consider yourself a tool? Boss: I'm a resource. Wally: Let's agree to disagree.
Wednesday December 21,
2011
Tags business ethics, wealth, ceo, good job, 50 million dollar bonus, not motivated, bad genes, inequality, dosaprity, ceo and worker, unfair wages, crazy money, slave wages, more work, no rewards, money
Transcript
Carol: What does our CEO get if he does a good job? Boss: A fifty million dollar bonus. Carol: What do I get if I do a good job? Boss: More work. Carol: What's your best guess about why I'm not motivated? Boss: Bad genes.

