Request Computer Upgrade Comic Strips - Page 67
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Share April 24, 1993's comic on:
Dogbert sits in the chair. Dilbert says, "Look what I got for my computer! It's a romostatic real-time data compression processor!" Dilbert walks away saying, "Oooh . . . I can't wait to plug you in, my little darling. I've waited so long." Dilbert says, "Oh yes! Yes!" Dogbert asks, "Does the church know about this?"
Share April 11, 1993's comic on:
Dogbert's journal entry says, "A small band of the creatures were known to live high in an artificial structure." The panel shows an office building. Dogbert's journal says, "On my way to study them I took note of the native vegetation." Dogbert stands in an office wearing a backpack. He feels a potted plant and thinks, "Rented." His journal says, "The younger males were at play. They became self-conscious when watched." Dogbert watches a man playing computer games. Dogbert's journal says, "The dominant male had a gray back. He controlled the others by waving little envelopes." The Boss waves paychecks at the employees and they bow to him. Dogbert's journal says, "There were few females in the group. The less dominant males had no chance of mating." Dilbert and Wally watch a woman walk past them. Dogbert's journal syas, "Unlike other species they head no instinct for grooming." A man asks, "Want to groom?" Wally replies, "Drop dead." The journal says, "My time was up, but I will miss them, those . . ." Dogbert walks toward the elevator. The journal concludes, "Engineers in the mist." Wally asks Dilbert, "How long are you supposed to microwave popcorn?"
Share April 06, 1993's comic on:
Dilbert sits at his desk. Ratbert says, "Dogbert says that 'absence makes the heart grow fonder.'" Ratbert says as he climbs into the trash, "I'm going to hide in your waste basket until my absence makes you fond of me." Dilbert leaves the room. Ratbert says from inside the waste basket, "It's a subtle change at first . . . Take your time."
Share April 04, 1993's comic on:
Dilbert walks into a computer store called the "Electron Hut." Dilbert tells the salesman, "I'm looking for a p-connect adapter post." The clerk replies, "We don't have any." Dilbert points to the wall and says, "There's a whole shelf of them right behind you." The salesclerk replies, "They're only five cents apiece. I can't waste my time selling them." Dilbert says, "I'm the only customer in the store! Besides, why do you stock something you don't want to sell?" The clerk throws the posts at Dilbert's head and says, "Here! Take three! And stop wasting my time!" Dilbert kneels on the floor and picks up the posts. The salesman asks, "While you're here, have you seen our fine line of computers?"
Share March 31, 1993's comic on:
Dogbert stands on the desk chair and says into a camera, "This is Dogbert . . . You are all under my hypnotic powers . . ." A satellite dish sits on the desk. Dogbert transmits to a satellite orbiting earth, "I am the supreme ruler of earth. You must all carry Dogbert posters and chant 'Dogbert is my king.'" Dogbert concludes, "That is all for now. If I think of anything else important I'll let you know." Ratbert enters holding a sign with Dogbert's picture on it and chanting, ". . . Is my king."
Share March 10, 1993's comic on:
A clerk in a computer store says to Dilbert, "Laptop computers are outdated. You want our new fingernail models." The laptops on the shelf are on sale for 50 cents. The salesclerk explains, "You glue them permanently to each nail. They sense where each finger is at all times. You don't need a keyboard." The salesman continues, "Of course, some people prefer that their computer not know where their fingers are at all times." The computer says to the clerk, "Dave, about last night . . ."
Share March 09, 1993's comic on:
Dilbert says to Wally and Ted, "I'm so mad . . . I just bought a new computer and it's already obsolete." Wally replies, "Don't feel bad. The other engineers won't look down on you just because you're behind the technology curve." Ted says, "Yeah, we will." Wally replies, "Not right in front of him."
Share March 08, 1993's comic on:
Dilbert sits at his desk working on his computer. Dogbert says, "I just read that a new computer chip is on the market. Your machine is out of date." Dogbert continues, "You're behind the curve. Technology is racing ahead without you. You're no longer state-of-the-art or leading edge." Dogbert continues, "Sometimes people like you can get jobs in museums." Dilbert yells, "I bought this thing yesterday!!"
Share March 06, 1993's comic on:
Dilbert sits in his chair reading "I Spy" and Dogbert sits on the hassock reading a book. Dilbert says, "I don't understand why photographers try so hard to get embarrassing pictures of celebrities." Dilbert continues, "Heck, I could just scan the celebrity photos into my computer and create any embarrassing situation you can think of." Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the computer. Dogbert says, "I think Cindy Crawford should look more repulsed." Dilbert replies, "This is before we kiss."
Share February 21, 1993's comic on:
Dogbert sits at a desk in front of a sign that says "Dogbert's Digital Dating Service." A man enters and says, "I'm a loser. Sign me up." Dogbert aims a camera at the man and says, "Say 'Velveeta.'" The man smiles. Dogbert sits at a computer and says, "Now we digitize your picture for the database." Dogbert says, "I could add some digital hair." The man replies, "Good idea." Dogbert says, "Maybe I should bob your nose and give you a tan." The man says, "That's fair." Dogbert asks, "Whiten teeth? Smooth wrinkles? Hide stomach? Thicken lips?" The man replies, "Yes" to all of his questions. The man looks at the final photo and says, "I look like Sandra Bernhard." Dogbert replies, "Yeah, but you have to admit it improves your odds."