Year 2000 Problem Comic Strips - Page 67
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"This is Dogbert's Headhunting Service." "I've got a job that pays a hundred thousand per year and requires no skill whatsoever." "No, I didn't say it's available. I called to brag about my own job."
"We've never needed a corporate headhunter before, but now it's the only way to solve our staffing problem." "Are you aware that headhunters find new employees? We don't behead the ones you already have." "I don't suppose you'd be flexible..." "I could find a disgruntled ex-post office employee for you."
"Here's your new cubicle: the Cuborg 2000." "It's a self-sufficient workspace and life support system." "These tubes attach to various parts of your body so you never have to leave." "Various parts?" "Let's just say you don't want to get these two tubes mixed up." "We'll monitor your vital signs from a central location." "The company nurse?" "No; the human resources department, in case we have to do some emergency hiring." "Is it upgradeable?" "Yeah, the Cuborg 3000 is expected to have air holes."
Ratbert: My name is Ratbert. I fear the information superhighway. Like most of you, my problem started because I never learned to type. I thought only secretaries needed to type. Then the computers came. At first I dismissed them as mere toys for men with no social skills. Soon they were everywhere. I would invent elaborate excuses to avoid computers. I was caught in my own web of deception. MAN: This is "alcoholics anonymous" Ratbert: I didn't interrupt you. Man: Can we talk about me now?
"We don't know what the project should do or who would use it." "But if you could tell us what it costs to build it, we'll figure out the rest later." "What year do you plan to sell it?" "What am I - psychic or something??"
"This year, instead of raises we're giving appliances." "What?!" "High performers could get a color television or a new 'fridge." "He called it a 'lava lamp'." "I call it a jar of old mayonnaise."
Woman: Ive never minded putting makeup on, but its a real bother to take it off. Dilbert: That seems like a lot of work, I must admit. But I still think its better to remove the old stiff. Woman: Its only a problem at the bowling alley.
The Boss: Your performance this year was 'fair'. But I'll raise your appraisal to "excellent" if you'll eat a bug. Wally: Say what? The Boss: eat a bug. The Boss: I didn't have much luck with the other management techniques so Im kinda winging it now. Wally:Do i get to pick the bug? The boss: Its way more motivational if I pick the bug. Dilbert: How did your evaluation go? Wally: MXLT Next! Dilbert: Do I get a bun? The boss: You guys are never happy.
Dogbert: The end of the world is coming in the year 2000. Therefore, you should give me your money before its too late. Dogbert: It is written that money is evil, I'll keep your money in Dogberts special "evil be gone" device. And its completely deductible. ...from your savings. CUSTOMER: So Im actually making money!