Computer Software Comic Strips - Page 67

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View 661 - 670 results for computer software comic strips. Discover the best "Computer Software" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hard work, nights, weekends, demand 10 percent

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Alice is sitting at her computer. She looks thoroughly disheveled. The Boss says to her, "Alice, all of your hard work - the nights and the weekends - are finally paying off." The Boss continues, "We increased our five-year forecast of demand by ten percent!" Alice responds, "You changed a wild guess by ten percent?" The Boss replies, "Thanks to you!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags winning bid contract, read the minds, competetors, bid lower, blocked by dense mass

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss approaches and says, "Dilbert, I want you to put together the winning bid for this contract." Dilbert responds, "No problem, I'll just read the minds of our competitors and bid lower." Dilbert continues, "I'm picking up something now... But it's partly blocked by a dense mass."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags consciousness, ability to predict, results of actions, fully conscious, array of sensors, collect data

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Dilbert is walking with a woman. He says, "My theory is that consciousness is the ability to predict and then observe the results of actions." Dilbert continues, "So I think you could build a computer that would be fully conscious." The woman falls asleep. Dilbert carries the woman over his shoulder. He continues, "Obviously you'd need an array of sensors to collect the data."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, errors, flatter yourself, forward to friends, idiot boss, spelling, mass email

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The Boss types, "Trie to be moor prophesional in your commudicashuns." Dilbert and Wally read the email. Dilbert giggles at his computer, "Hee Hee!" Wally says, "Let's forward it to all our friends so they can see what an idiot we work for." Dilbert says, "But you're my only friend." Wally replies, "Don't flatter yourself."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags have none, intern, know how, semi colons, skills, teaching, tech suport, useful skills, cubicle, education

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Tina pokes her head into Asok's cubicle and says to him: "Asok, can you help me install an ethernet card?" Asok says to Tina: "Tina, I am not your personal tech support." Tina says: "But you know how to do it and I don't." Asok says: "Well...that is true." Tina says to Asok: "Could you carry the PC to my new cubicle? It's too heavy for me." Tina says: "Someday I'll repay you by teaching you about semicolons." Asok says: "How come I have many useful skills and you have none?" Tina answers: "I guess I'm just lucky." Asok carries the computer looking angry.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags points at screen, oily finger, clean screen, hover finger, losing aura of infalliability

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The Boss points to the screen and tells Tina the Tech Writer while she is behind her computer: "Tina, move that title..." He continues: "...over here." Tina screams: "Aaaagh!!" She exclaims: "Your finger oil is on my screen!!!" She says: "Now I have to spend ten minutes cleaning it..." She continues: "...because you don't understand how to hover your finger." She demonstrates for the Boss: "See?! This isn't hard. You hover the finger! Don't touch!" The Boss thinks as he is walking away: "I hope I'm not losing my aura of infallibility."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dogbert tech support., personal computer, defective, attractive package

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Dogbert Tech Support. Dogbert says into his telephone headset, "It works fine on my machine." On the other end of the line, the customer says, "Yes, but this call is about MY PC. May we talk about MY problem now?" Dogbert replies, "Okay, your PC is defective and you're selfish. That's an attractive package you've got going there."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags interpersonal skills, propaganda cd, training cd, intern, looking for self imporvement

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Asok says to Catbert, "I would like to improve my interpersonal skills." Catbert responds, "Take this training CD back to your cube and go wild." Asok sits at his computer in fear as the CD says, "Humans are weak. Computers are strong. Come, join our side."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags procurement, special cable, rope, exclusive contract, rope distributer, monkey, cheaper, desk, animals

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Headline: Procurement. Dilbert says to a monkey, "I need to order a special cable for my computer." The monkey holds up a rope and says, "Ooh hoo hoo hoo!" Dilbert responds, "No. That's a piece of rope. Yes, I know it's cheaper." Dilbert continues, "Well, maybe it was a mistake to sign an exclusive contract with a rope distributor." The monkey crosses its arms and replies, "Ooh hoo hoo jerk."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags sitting in, boss, walk around, avoid decisons, grossly underpaid, did before, more money

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer. Wally approaches. Dilbert asks, "How do you like sitting in for The Boss?" Wally responds, "It's easy." Wally continues, "All I do is walk around and make people loathe me while I avoid making decisions." Dilbert says, "That's all you ever did before." Wally replies, "Apparently, I was grossly underpaid."