Lying Down Comic Strips - Page 67
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701 Results for Lying Down
View 661 - 670 results for lying down comic strips. Discover the best "Lying Down" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday April 08,
2018
Tags surveillance, spying, technology, lying, caught, busted, guilt, proof
Transcript
Dilbert: Why didn't you answer my email? Boss: I didn't get it. Dilbert: My lie-detector app detected stress in your voice. I checked your email history on the server, and it confirms you opened my email. Boss: That could have been a hacker with my password. Dilbert: I'm checking the security camera footage for your office at that time. And there you are opening my email. Now will you admit you got my email? Boss: I'm seriously considering it.
Thursday March 22,
2018
Unplugged Server
Tags server, obliviousness, cell phone, phone, charging, technology
Transcript
Dilbert: The network has been down all morning, but we found the problem. Some idiot unplugged the server so he could charge his phone. So, that problem has been solved. Boss: Great. Now can you help me find my lost phone?
Friday April 06,
2018
Elbonian Interference
Tags hacker, hacking, trolls, protest, counter-protest, obliviousness, manipulation
Transcript
Dilbert: Uh-oh. I think we are being attacked by an Elbonian troll farm. They're organizing an employee protest against management and... a management counter-protest against employees. Luckily, no one here is stupid enough to... Boss: Down with employees!
Sunday May 20,
2018
Tags intelligence, aspirations, relationships, betterment, warren buffett
Transcript
Asok: Warren Buffett says you should spent time with people who are better than you. Alice: Why would people who are better than me be dumb enough to spend time with me? Asok: Well... I assume you have to find people who are better than you, but not smart enough to avoid you. Because, obviously, you'd be bringing down the average of anyone who was better than you. Which reminds me, I need to cut this meeting short to keep my average up. Dilbert: Maybe we can continue the meeting without him. Alice: That would only be good for you. I need to find better people. Dilbert: The meeting went downhill from there. Dogbert: Can you wrap this up? You're bringing down my average.
Friday May 04,
2018
Both Huge Liars
Sunday June 24,
2018
Tags distraction, procrastination, work ethic, excuses, productivity
Transcript
Dilbert: I have one hour to get some work done before my meeting. But I can't concentrate when i"m hungry, so I need a shack. This snack is making me thirsty. The label on this shirt is bugging me. I need to cut it off. Q quick trip to the restroom and then I can get down to work. Ugh. I have fifteen messages since I left my desk. Now it's too close to my meeting to start a new task. Dogbert: How's work? Dilbert: How would I know?
Monday June 11,
2018
Wally Teaches Success
Tuesday June 19,
2018
Negotiating Expert
Tags consultant, negotiation, training, irony, obliviousness, business
Transcript
Boss: I hired a consultant to teach us how to negotiate. Normally, he charges triple the market rate, but I talked him down to double. Wally: Where is he? Boss: He said he's teaching us what happens when there's no performance clause in a contract.
Thursday July 12,
2018
Dilbert Is Misinterpreted
Tags assume, assumption, proof, obstinacy
Transcript
Alice: Is it true you are telling everyone the new product road map is stupid? Dilbert: Um... nothing remotely like that has ever happened. Here's an email in which I say how good it is. Alice: You hesitated in your answer. That means you're lying. Dilbert: Read the email!!!
Sunday September 23,
2018
Tags Wally, the boss, bad, technology, day, phone, freezing, printer, working, network, warning, lights, christmas, tree, laptop, boot, coincidence, permission, lock, lead-line, box, hero
Transcript
Wally: I'm having a bad technology day. My phone keeps freezing, my printer isn't working, and our network is down. Wally: My car's warning lights look like a Christmas tree, and my laptop won't boot up. Maybe its all just coincidence but I don't think we can take that chance. May I have permission to lock myself in a lead-lined box to protect the rest of the company? The Boss: How will I know you're really in a lead-lined box? Wally: YOu'll know because your phone will be working fine. The Boss: My phone is still working that man is a hero.


