No Way To Measure Comic Strips - Page 67

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

730 Results for No Way To Measure

View 661 - 670 results for no way to measure comic strips. Discover the best "No Way To Measure" comics from Dilbert.com.

Dogbert Won't Teach Persuasion To Dilbert

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert Won't Teach Persuasion To Dilbert  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #negotiating, #persuasion, #help, #altruism, #selfishness

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Can you teach me to be more persuasive? Dogbert: What's in it for me? Dilbert: It will make you feel good to help a friend. Dogbert: Does it feel as good as denying you? Dilbert: I have no way to know. Dogbert: Bah!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #negotiation, #demand, #haggle, #prices, #pricing, #negotiate

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Negotiate with your vendor and get the price down. Dilbert: I don't know how to negotiate. I'm an engineer. Boss: It's simple. All you need to do is make an aggressive first demand and settle for less. Dilbert: How aggressive are we talking about here? Boss: The more aggressive the better. Dilbert: That doesn't sound right. Boss: Trust me. More is better. Dilbert: My opening demand is that you name me as a beneficiary on your life insurance police, mow my lawn, and die in traffic on the way home. Boss: You got the price down by 35 percent. Dilbert: I really hoped it wouldn't work.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #team, #teamwork, #team building, #death, #cover-up, #denial, #human resources, #drowning, #rafting, #business, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: As you know, our team-building event did not go smoothly. In my defense, I had no way of knowing a class 6 whitewater adventure would be so bumpy. It took me by surprise when Ted fell in. But I'm proud that we came together as a team and agreed to not look for him. It would have ruined our timing for lunch. Anyway, I'm sure Ted swam to safety. Dilbert: Ted doesn't know how to swim. Boss: All in favor of pretending Ted didn't attend the event? Catbert: They didn't have life vests? Boss: You're thinking of the deluxe package.

Monday

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Monday  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #thought, #cognition, #technology, #invention, #computer, #intelligence

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I invented a neural interface for computers. Boss: Is that so users can control computers with their thoughts? Dilbert: No, the opposite. Your way would be like a squirrel trying to drive a car.

Elbonian Hackers Delete Wally's Report

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Elbonian Hackers Delete Wally's Report - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evidence, #excuses, #hackers, #hacking, #laziness, #assignment, #elbonians, #a, #zing report

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Did you finish your assignment? Wally: Yes, but Elbonian hackers deleted my report along with all of my backups. Boss: I have no way of knowing that's true. Wally: It was an amazing report! Better than you've ever seen.

Asok's Phone Case

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Asok's Phone Case  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cell phone, #aesthetics, #impractical, #practicality, #break, #screen, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I kept dropping my phone and breaking it, so now I keep it wrapped in a big ball of cotton. Wally: Why would you buy a phone that breaks so easily? Asok: I like the way it looks.

Insulting Within Company Guidelines

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 Insulting Within Company Guidelines - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #teach, #insult, #compliment, #function, #guidelines, #co workers, #insult co workers

View Transcript

Transcript

DOgbert: I will teach you how to insult your co - workers while staying within company guidelines. The trick is to disguise your insults as compliments. Alice, I admire the way you dress for function over appearance. Alice: Thanks. wait...

Dilbert Refuses To Admit He Is Wrong

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 Dilbert Refuses To Admit He Is Wrong - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #wrong, #right vs. wrong, #narcissist, #refuse to admit

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: People keep telling me you refuse to admit when you are wrong. Dilbert: It only looks that way because Im right most off the time and people are too dumb to know it. Tina: wow! They're right about you being a narcissist, too. Dilbert: I refuse to admit I'm wrong about this.

Show More Initiative

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Show More Initiative - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers, #boss, #criticism, #encouragement, #initiative, #engagement

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You fool! That web page is not designed the way I would have done it! And I never would have explained it this way! Lastly, I want you to show more initiative. Dilbert: Are you still here?

Finding Alice

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Finding Alice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #surveillance, #data, #spying, #location, #privacy

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Does anyone know where Alice is? Dilbert: Yes. The CIA, Google, Facebook, Apple, and Russian hackers know where she is. Boss: But we have no way to find her? Dilbert: Depends. Was she dumb enough to download our company app?