Bad Decisions Comic Strips - Page 68

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View 671 - 680 results for bad decisions comic strips. Discover the best "Bad Decisions" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #diet, #dating, #restaurant, #relationships, #health

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Dilbert: It took me six months to get a reservation here. I hear the food is amazing. Woman: It sounds fantastic. It's too bad I'm on a cucumber diet. I can only eat cucumbers after five o'clock. Dilbert: Well, it seems you have squandered my invitation to fine dining. Now my plan of sharing a culinary adventure is just a sad commentary on the casual rudeness of life. Can I expect you to complain about the quality of your cucumber and send it back? Waiter: We don't have cucumbers.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #correction, #correcting, #freak out, #anger, #tress, #Advice, #eavesdropping, #awkward, #temper

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Man: What's the best way to invest these days? Boss: Penny stocks are the best value because they only cost a penny. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! I hate over hearing bad advice! Boss: If I were you, I"d take out a second mortgage and load up. Dilbert; I don't want to get involved, but I'll feel bad if I don't. Boss: You'll get reliable stock-picking advice from strangers on television. Dilbert: Run! Cover your ears and run! If it makes you feel any less awkward, I don't now what to do now, either.

Accidentally Buying A Tainted Company

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Accidentally Buying A Tainted Company - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #merger, #acquisition, #gawker, #reputation, #infamy

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CEO: I accidentally talked the board into buying a company that has a tainted reputation. Catbert: How bad is the taint? CEO: Imagine Hitler's unwashed socks. Catbert: That isn't so bad. CEO: I'm just getting started. Now imagine I make you eat those socks...

Internet Wants Ceo To Die

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Internet Wants Ceo To Die - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #shame, #unpopular, #popularity, #public relations, #gawker

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CEO: The company we acquired is making us look bad. Dilbert: How bad? CEO: The internet is demanding that I drink poison and apologize to the world while I die. What should I do? Dilbert: Well, I'm no doctor, but I'd go with something fast-acting.

How The File Was Sent

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How The File Was Sent - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #communication, #technology, #text, #app, #email

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Dilbert: What's the URL for that site? Boss: I sent that to you last week. Dilbert: To which of my seven email addresses did you send it? Boss: Maybe I texted it to you. Dilbert: I have a bad feeling about this. Boss: Maybe I used Slack, or WhatsApp. Or I sent it to someone else.

Sales Is Blaming Marketing

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Sales Is Blaming Marketing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sales, #responsibility, #blame, #business

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Boss: Our salespeople are blaming Marketing for the low demand. Marketing is blaming Engineering for making a product no one wants. So I blamed our customers for misleading us about their needs. Asok: Now I don't feel so bad about our price-gouging.

Tina Gives Buy In

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Tina Gives Buy In - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #negotiation, #money, #price, #cost, #value

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Dilbert: I need everyone's buy-in on my project. Tina: You can have my buy-in for $25. Dilbert: Ted only charged me $15. Tina: It isn't my fault that Ted is a bad negotiator.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #scam, #language, #accent, #communication

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Dogbert: I'm starting a foreign accent schools for the lazy. People assume you're smarter when you know more than one language. But learning a new language takes too much work. So I'll teach you how to speak your own language with a foreign accent. People will assume you are bilingual at the very least. And when you use bad grammar with a foreign accent it makes you look adorable. You'll never need to do another courtesy laugh, either. People will just assume you didn't get the joke. Dilbert: This is one of your better ideas. Dogbert: You should hear it with an accent!

Humidity Is Wrecking Hair

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Humidity Is Wrecking Hair - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hair, #humid, #bad hair day

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Alice: The humidity is wrecking my hair. Please don't stare. Dilbert: I can't promise that. Alice: You're staring! Dilbert: I'm afraid to turn my back on it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #health, #morning, #waking up, #sleepless, #complaining, #manager, #sociopath, #emotions

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Boss: Can you take a call with our Elbonian customers at 6 a.m. tomorrow? Dilbert: Sure. All I need to do is put my health at risk by not getting enough sleep tonight. Of course, I'll hate your guts for making me come to work so early. And I would expect my bad attitude to infect my co-workers and make them less productive, too. My lack of sleep will affect my decision-making, obviously. And I"m working on important projects, so the ripple effect could be catastrophic. So, do you still want me to be here at 6 a.m. tomorrow? Boss: Yes. You don't have to be a sociopath to be a manager, but it helps.