Retail Business Comic Strips - Page 68
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1000 Results for Retail Business
View 671 - 680 results for retail business comic strips. Discover the best "Retail Business" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday March 18,
2010
Tags meeting, poltergeist, copy machine, promote, server, union, scary, creepy, original, nervous, business
Transcript
The Boss says, "I hired a new poltergeist for our copy machine. Our old one got promoted to the server farm." Dilbert says, "Wouldn't it be better to not have any poltergeists?" The Boss says, "It's a union thing." Tina says, "May I please have my original back?" Poltergeist says, "I can't hear you. Put your face up close."
Wednesday March 24,
2010
Tags leg, rope, attached, crony, ceo, job, new boss, qualified, monkey, hammer, hold, suspicious, business, animals
Transcript
CEO says, "This rope is attached to a crony from my last CEO job." CEO says, "Give it a good yank and reel him in. He's your new boss." The Boss says, "Is he qualified for the job?" CEO says, "Like a monkey with a hammer!"
Thursday March 25,
2010
Tags new vice president of engineering, meeting, introduce, full body, face front, pointy hair, lack of experience, exotic, over selling, mustache, business
Transcript
The Boss says, "Meet our new vice president of engineering." The Boss says, "We're lucky to have him despite his utter lack of experience in our industry." The Boss says, "Some might call him unqualified, but I call him exotic." Vice President says, "You're over-selling."
Monday March 29,
2010
Tags meeting, work, lazy, update software, computer, reboot, endless cycle, drink coffee, optimism, past, waste time, technology, business
Transcript
Wally says, "Every time I update my software, it tells me I have to reboot." Wally says, "And every time I reboot, I get another message to update something else. It's all I've been doing since October." The Boss says, "But you worked in September, right?" Wally says, "I admire your optimism about the past."
Tuesday March 30,
2010
Tags human resources, evil director, employee, morale, high, happy, overpaid, nature, yell, clouds, unhappy, hands clasped, business
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Catbert says, "I'm getting reports that your morale is too high." Catbert says, "Happiness is nature's way of informing human resources that you're overpaid." Employee says, "Nature wants me to be unhappy?" Catbert says, "Don't blame me. Go yell at the clouds."
Wednesday March 31,
2010
Tags human resources, evil director, meeting, leadership, empty promises, imaginary, work, weekend, promoted, business
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Catbert says, "Leadership is the art of trading imaginary things in the future?" Catbert says, "For real things today." Catbert says, "If you work all weekend, you might be promoted someday, if there's ever an opening... and no one else is more qualified."
Sunday April 04,
2010
Tags cpg project, confused, leader, team, face front, back, walk away, flippant, useless, forget, frustrated, angry, comfort, hand on shoulder, shake, clench teeth, hair stand up, business
Transcript
The Boss says, "How's the CPG project coming along?" Dilbert says, "How would I know?" The Boss says, "You're leading that project." Dilbert says, "I am? Since when?" The Boss says, "I told everyone on the team two months ago." Dilbert says, "I'm not on the team. You never told me." The Boss says, "Whatever, go tell the team you've been in charge for the past two months and see what they've accomplished." The Boss says, "Who is on the team?" The Boss says, "I forget. I think one had dark hair. And another one was sad." The Boss says, "Don't tell them there's a duplicate project in another division." Wally says, "You'll be okay. Just release the caring. Let it go."
Wednesday April 07,
2010
Tags meeting, servers crash, verify, accomplishment, awesome, back of head, business
Transcript
Wally says, "Our servers were about to crash, so I wrote a suite of scripts to keep them running." The Boss says, "Your accomplishments are suspiciously hard to verify." Wally says, "So, recapping what we know for sure, you're an inadequate verifier, and you can't rule out the possibility that I'm awesome."
Thursday April 08,
2010
Tags pinocchio, nose grows, long nose, doctor, exam, stethoscope, lies, powerpoint, proboscis, nose through head, pain, medical
Transcript
Doctor says, "You have a wicked case of sympathetic Powerpoint proboscis." Doctor says, "Your nose grows when anyone lies during a business presentation." Asok says, "Sorry. The sales forecast seemed optimistic."
Sunday April 11,
2010
Tags beta test, meeting, face front, impractical maintenance requirement, lube, bear's ear, warrant, product, legal, shake fist, justice, sick, hand to mouth, shake, throw up, business, medical
Transcript
The Boss says, "The beta test went well. Thank you, Dilbert." The Boss says, "Now I'll have Tina add an impractical maintenance requirement to the manual and we're ready to go." Dilbert says, "What?" The Boss says, "It's standard procedure." The Boss says, "Say the user needs to lube the product ten time a day with the wax from a bear's ear." The Boss says, "And say the warranty is voided if the device isn't properly maintained." Dilbert says, "Is that legal?" The Boss says, "It's better than legal." The Boss says, "We're using the law to keep justice away!!" Dilbert says, "I feel sick." The Boss says, "That's how you know it's working."

