Arms Out Comic Strips - Page 68

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags engineers, jobs, want job your job, falling out of trees, dime a dozen, intimidation, job on line, idle threats

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The Boss: The woods are full of people who want your job. These days you can't shake a tree without three or four engineers falling out. Id love to stay and chat but I need to go motivate the other headcounts.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dating, party, phone number, information, email, voicemail, home phone, offcie, work email, personal website, too much info, skeleton, relationships

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"I've never done this before, but may I have your phone number?" "Home phone.. cell phone.. work phone.. home e-mail.... personal web site." "...And if that fax machine is out of paper, try the one down the hall, but leave me a voice mail if you do."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags edited document, calirty, sent out, amazing, accuracy and relevance, spend career fixing

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The Boss: I edited your document for clarity and sent it out. Dilbert: wow. Its amazing how clear it is when you take out all of the accuracy and relevance. I stopped listening after wow I'll get busy spending the rest of my career fixing this.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss stalker, wait, offcie, unscheduled, suck up, phone calls end, still out there

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Man: "We'll be seeing a lot of each other. I'm a stalker." "I wait by his office, unscheduled, ready to suck up to his whenever his phone calls end." The Boss: "Please don't go.. it's still out there."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags nutty boss, halluciantions, sadistic nut, having problems, unhealthy boss

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The Boss: "I'm having problems at home, so I'll be taking it out on you today." "I'll begin by hallucinating that you said something bad. Then I'll yell at you for saying it." "I AM NOT A SADISTIC NUT!!!" Dilbert: "If I go to my cubicle, can you hallucinate that I'm here?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags emailed, breakdown, format, unspoken, shining prefernces, mpiness, abyss

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The Boss: "I e-mailed you the expense breakdown. I need you to fix the format and send it out." Carol: "I will now read your mind to get the unspoken, ever-shifting preferences for the format." "I see nothing emptiness... the abyss..." The boss: "Add a chart."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags budget for research and development, confidential, witty, appreciation, laugh, teeth fall out

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Alice: "Ted, what's the budget for Research and Development?" Ted: "It's confidential. I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you. Hee hee!" Alice: "I've never heard that one. It's very witty." Alice: "Allow me to show my appreciation with the following fake laugh." "HA HA HA HA HA HA!!" "HA HA HA HA HA!!!" Alice: "Those are my real teeth. I need them back."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hate people, never allowed shoes, Dogbert, hows my walking, dial, 1800

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"I plan to make bumper stickers for pedestrians that say, 'How am I walking? Call 1-800 blah, blah, blah.'" "If you call the number and report people, they'll never again be allowed to purchase shoes!" "The best part about hating people is that I never run out of great ideas."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags top down budget, bottom up budget, ignorance, cruelty, lying, optimism, cancel, wasted hour

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Man: "I averaged the top-down budget with the bottom-up budget." "As you can see, the ignorance and cruelty canceled out the lying and optimism." Alice: "Do you have anything to cancel out feelings of a wasted hour?" Man: "Have you tried despair?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags consulting firm, fixing business strategies, own industry, doing bad, never mention

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Consultant: My consulting firm specializes in fixing business strategies. Dilbert: Have you ever figured out why your own industry is in the toilet? Consultant: I'll give you a thousand dollars never to mention that again.