Avoid Work Comic Strips - Page 68

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1000 Results for Avoid Work

View 671 - 680 results for avoid work comic strips. Discover the best "Avoid Work" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ignorance (knowledge), managers & supervisors, appleby ceo, admit wrongs, other people, humbly admit, business

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CEO: The CEO of Apple says a leader should admit when he's wrong. That won't work for me because I'm never wrong. The best I can do is admit when other people are wrong. Boss: That sort of misses the point. CEO: Well, I humbly admit you're wrong.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags laziness, sense of urgency, energy, pretend to work, fake urgency, vague goals, health

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Boss: We need to have a sense of urgency. Wally: I use most of my energy pretending to work, but I can add a layer of fake urgency if you really need it. Boss: What? Wally: I gotta go! I have vague goals to achieve!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags irony, managers & supervisors, interface, finished, started, micromanagement, bad reputation, optimistic, business

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Dilbert: I can't wait to see the changes I asked you to make on the interface. Our last meeting was two months ago. You must be finished by now. Coworker: I haven't started yet. I had a few questions. I figured I'd ask you about them the next time we talked. In the meantime I only did work for people who yelled at me every day. Micromanagement has a bad reputation, but I'm not too proud to say I need it. Dilbert: Okay... well, I'm optimistic that you can make those changes for me by next week. Coworker: I probably should have asked my questions.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags depression (mental state), work ethic, underling, long hours, insane workload, fatigue, depression, organ failure, greetings, how are you?, psychology

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Boss: How's it going, underling? Dilbert: My long hours and insane workload are causing fatigue, depression, and organ failure. I'll probably be dead in a month. Boss: When did people stop saying "fine?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dog, facebook, facebook page, internet & world wide web, linkedin, stocks, twitter, websites, work ethic, working from home, distractions, animals

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Dilbert: I'm working at home today. It will be as if we're co-workers. Dogbert: Ugh. This madness must stop! You should check your Facebook page to see what's new. You should check Twitter. Dilbert: I'm almost finished with Facebook. Dogbert: Did you get my LinkedIn request? Dilbert: I'll check. Dogbert: I send you some links to funny websites. Dilbert: Cool! I just spent ten hours at my computer and I can't remember why I was sitting there in the first place. Dogbert: You were going to check your stocks. Dilbert: Okay. That sounds right. Two Hours Later. Two Hours Later. Two Hours Later.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work ethic, 10 thousand hours, practice, willingness, mental disorder, mediocrity

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Dilbert: Studies show it takes ten thousand hours of practice to be great at anything. Dogbert: I would think a willingness to practice the same thing for ten thousand hours is a mental disorder. Dilbert: That makes me feel better about my mediocrity. Dogbert: You're welcome.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger, angry, hateful creature, hope, interviews, job interview, managers & supervisors, monster, optimisim, smile, toxic work place, business

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Boss: You remind me of another young person I hired years ago. She was full of hope and optimism and she wore a permanent smile. Her name was Alice. As time passed, she devolved into an angry, hateful creature. No one knows what caused it. Interviewee: How long did it take? Boss: About a week. Interviewee: Apparently, you're a monster who creates a toxic workplace and you lack the self-awareness to realize it! Boss: Someone broke your record. Alice: Shut up.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags models, out of stiock, credibility, bait and switch, tactics, sales, technology, computer, tablets, business

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Our model XR35 is the only one that will work in your situation. The other models would be nightmares. Dilbert: Okay, we'll take the XR35. Ted: Opps it appears we are out of stock. Dilbert: This is the part where your credibility comes into question. Ted: Have you looked at ethics's XP9? I think it would be perfect.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anxiety, mentor, cry ugly

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Boss: Good news, Asok: I have decided to be your mentor. Asok: Waaaa!!!! Why me?? Why me?? I wish I were dead!!! Boss: You cry ugly. I think we need to work on that. Asok: Waaaa!!!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags complaining, team members, work, motivation, make waves

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Dilbert: I can't get one of my team members to do any work. I'm hoping you can talk to his boss. Boss: I don't want to make waves. Dilbert: It's your job to make waves! They pay you to make waves, you worthless pile of stupidity! Oops. Wally: I heard you made waves. How'd that work out? Dilbert: Surprisingly bad.