New Employee Comic Strips - Page 68

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View 671 - 680 results for new employee comic strips. Discover the best "New Employee" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employee orientation, no time, exercise, long hours, trans fat, positive note, payroll dedcution, service, save money, dirt, cubicle, burial site, health

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Employee Orientation Catbert: "This job will leave you with no time for exercise." "You will work long hours and consume trans fats until you are shaped like this." "On a positive note, our payroll deduction service allows you to save money for dirt to turn your cubicle into a burial site."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags evil director, human resources, new policy, no d drinking coffee, remove all doubt, policies, evil, honesty, ruining the moment, business

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Catbert, evil director of human resources Catbert: "Our new policy is no drinking coffee during work." "That should remove all doubt that our policies are designed for any reason other than evil." Dilbert: "Your honesty is refreshing." Catbert: "Stop ruining the moment!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags personal problems, doctors, opeation, serial problems, steady diet, licorice, diet soda, spleen, c4 explosive, support group, alqueda

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Nancy, the employee with serious personal problems Nancy: "The doctors say I need an operation." "They think my steady diet of licorice and diet soda turned my spleen into a C-4 explosive." "So I joined a support group. Have you heard of Al Qaeda?" Dilbert: "Gotta go..."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags serial personal problems, in love, medical school cadaver, bad decisons, acting cold, boyfriend acting cold

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Nancy, the employee with serious personal problems Nancy: "I'm in love with a medical school cadaver." Alice: "Do you ever think that maybe your personal problems are caused by your own bad decisions?" Nancy: "How's it my fault that my boyfriend is acting cold?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags new dress code, consolidating, offcies, 20 people cubicle, impossible, thin film pil, no clothes, bad conditions, worst place work, awards, demoralize, inhumane, horrid conditions

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Catbert: The new dress code is a thin film of oil. "We're consolidating offices and we need to fit twenty people in each cubicle." Dilbert: "They've pretty much given up on winning one of those awards for best places to work."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"The best choice for employee of the month is..." "Congratulations to Alice for being our employee of the month!" "You get to use my parking spot near the entrance for the rest of the month." "I take public transit to work." "You also get to take the rest of today off." "It's already five o'clock, and you said I need to finish my project by tomorrow morning." "And you get to have pizza with me." "I'm on a @#$% low carb diet!!!" "I nailed it." PIZZA

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"I had a productive time at the management retreat." "We golfed as hard as we could until we came up with a new vision for the company!!!" "But no one wrote it down, so we're going to try again next month."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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They can take my soul but they can't take my name! "Visa called. Someone stole your identity." "I need a new battle cry." "How about 'ouch'?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Can I ask you a question?" "Sure, new guy." "How long do I need to work here before..." "...the dark cloud of hopelessness and despair begins to lift?" "I keep expecting the feeling to go away any minute." "I was hoping to achieve job satisfaction within a month." "Once that happens, I figure that total self-actualization can't be far behind." "I'd give it another day or two." "Any minute now."

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"My side job as a cartoonist is doing well, so this is my resignation." "My new career involves sitting around in my pajamas and thinking of ways to ridicule you." "Actually, it's not so much a letter of resignation as it is a drawing of your body with a manure head."