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Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Look what I won, Dogbert! It's a trophy for perfect attendance!" Dilbert says, "Since YOU've never won a trophy, I thought you might get some vicarious joy by dusting and waxing MY trophy every day. Here." Dilbert walks away saying, "I hope that trophy doesn't go to my head." Dogbert throws the trophy at Dilbert's head.
Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. Dilbert tells the woman, "I like your dress." He thinks, "Women love flattery." Dilbert says, "It reminds me of my favorite dish cloth." He thinks, "Uh-oh . . . Wrong thing to say." Dilbert says, "Of course, I'm not talking about an ORDINARY dish cloth." Dilbert thinks, "Dig, dig . . ." Dilbert continues, "I'm talking about a truly fashionable dish cloth here . . . In fact, if I dropped Jello on my shoes I'd leave it there all day rather than use your dress to wipe it up." The woman overturns the table, wraps the tablecloth around Dilbert's head and leaves. Dilbert lies on the floor and says, "Some women just don't know how to accept a compliment gracefully."
Dogbert sits on the hassock reading a book. Dilbert says, "Pssst! Dogbert." Dilbert says, "I brought my date home for some coffee. Please don't make any comments about her . . . Uh . . . Looks." Dilbert brings his date in and says, "Brainella, this is Dogbert." Dogbert sees her large head and asks, "The Queen Bee of light bulbs?"
Dilbert and a woman with a huge head sit at a table in a restaurant. Dilbert says, "Gosh, Brainella, I've never dated a woman as smart as you before . . ." Dilbert says, "Let's just start right in talking about all kinds of smart stuff. C'mon, give me your best shot. I'm not intimidated." Brainella replies, "Not here. If your brain explodes, it'll ruin my outfit."
Dilbert sits at a table in a restaurant with a woman who has a huge head. Dilbert asks, "So, uh . . . How do you like working at the library reference desk?" The woman replies, "It's pretty good, now that I've memorized all the books. No more flipping through pages . . ." Dilbert says, "I'm feeling a bit inadequate at the moment." The woman replies, "Don't worry. I'll just think about other things while you're talking."
Dilbert stands in front of the dresser mirror tying his tie and Dogbert sits on the bed. Dilbert says, "I've got a blind date with the lady who works at the library reference desk." Dogbert asks, "What if she's ugly?" Dilbert replies, "Looks aren't important. She sounded very smart over the phone, and I'm attracted to intelligent women." Dogbert says, "Oh . . . right." Dilbert sits at a table in a restaurant with a woman who has a huge head. Dilbert asks, "Uh . . . Should I talk, or will you be reading my thoughts directly?"
Bob the Dinosaur, Dawn the Dinosaur and Dogbert sit on the floor. Bob says, "We'll kick off the dinosaur comeback tour by singing 'My Way.'" Bob continues, "Then we'll break the instruments, wade into the crowd and bite the head off somebody in the front row!" Dogbert replies, "'Ozzy Osbourne' already did that."
Dogbert stands in front of a classroom holding a pointer. Dogbert yells, "Jennifer! Put that flame-thrower away right this minute!" Dogbert yells, "Eugene! Release those hostages or I shall be forced to fling this chalk eraser at your head!" Dogbert yells, "Is that a 'Stinger' missile launcher? Well, I hope you brought enough for everybody!" The student replies, "I did."
Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Maybe since you're full of static electricity, you should say 'it is useless to be a resistor.' Hee-hee-hee." Dogbert's fur is standing up. Dogbert zaps Dilbert with an electric shock. Clouds of smoke rise from Dilbert's head and his clothes are charred. Dogbert says as he walks away, "Nothing annoys the 'Dog of Thunder' quite as much as nerd puns."
Dogbert: Santa! Santa: Merry Christmas, Dogbert! I'm glad you're up... I'm having a little trouble with your christmas list. In your letter you say you want to be named supreme ruler of earth. Dogbert: Is that a problem? Santa: Frankly, my workshop is more oriented toward small consumer goods... Dogbert: Can I have an elf? Dilbert: Has, G.I. Joe taken up ballet, or is this something I don't want to know about?