Computer Monitor Comic Strips - Page 68
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687 Results for Computer Monitor
View 671 - 680 results for computer monitor comic strips. Discover the best "Computer Monitor" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday November 16,
2017
Work Until You Drop
Tags health, monitor, fitbit, energy, surveillance, wearable tech, dedication, work ethic
Transcript
Boss: Your health tracker says you are leaving work at the end of each day with energy to spare. That's exactly like stealing from the company. Dilbert: You want me to work until I drop? Boss: I'm not allowed to say that directly.
Friday December 08,
2017
Elbonian Virus Infects Mission Statement
Tags virus, hack, infection, computer, spelling, grammar, edit, improvement, technology
Transcript
Dilbert: The Elbonian virus scrambled our mission statement into nonsense. Alice: No, that's our actual mission statement. Dilbert: Why does it look so different? Alice: The virus fixed the grammar and punctuation.
Thursday December 07,
2017
Virus Gives Everyone A Raise
Tags virus, infection, computer, malware, morals, salary, technology, money
Transcript
Boss: The Elbonian virus in our network just gave ever employee an ten percent raise. You have to get rid of the virus! Dilbert: If the Elbonian software is giving me a raise, and you're trying to sop it, wouldn't that make you the virus?
Tuesday September 04,
2018
Radical Candor
Tags the boss, Dilbert, management, radical condor, time, computer
Transcript
The Boss: I've decided to adopt a hot new management trend called, "Radical Condor." The trick is to be direct yet kind at the same time. Dilbert: What were you doing before? The Boss: Let's not get into that.
Tuesday November 13,
2018
Bad Mouthing Ted's Code
Tags boss, computer software, engineering, managers & supervisors, office workers, sarcasm, technology
Transcript
Boss: I want you to take over Ted's software upgrade. Can you finish that in a week? Dilbert: Are you kidding? It will take a week just to bad-mouth his existing code to everyone within walking distance. Boss: Is that part necessary? Dilbert: Like water to a fish.
Wednesday November 14,
2018
Complaining About Ted
Tags complaining, computer software, engineering, office, office workers
Transcript
Dilbert: I took over Ted's software project. Everything he did was inefficient and stupid. Okay, we're done here. I'm checking you off my list. Alice: How many people are you complaining to? Dilbert: I trimmed the list to three hundred.
Monday January 07,
2019
How Long To Make Ai
Tags computers, engineering, intelligence, office workers, sarcasm, technology, robots, humans
Transcript
Boss: How long would it take you to create artificial intelligence that is as smart as humans? Dilbert: It shouldn't take me long to dumb-down a computer to human levels. Boss: What? Dilbert: It might take five minutes, tops.
Sunday March 03,
2019
Tags computer software, computers, intelligence, technology, trick, humans
Transcript
Dilbert: I created a simulated world made entirely of software. I programmed all of the people in the simulation to think they are real people with free will. Dogbert: Are they sentient beings? Dilbert: They think they are. Dogbert: What if they discover their true nature? Dilbert: I programmed limits into their physics so they can never observe the walls of their reality. For example, they can't get to the edge of their universe because they can't exceed the speed of light. And they can't find out what they are made of because, to them, it looks like probability at the quantum level. Dogbert: Wouldn't those limits tip of the smart ones? Dilbert: I coded them to not trust smart people.
Thursday February 14,
2019
Small Managers
Tags boss, business, computer software, engineering, frustration, office workers, sarcasm, clients
Transcript
Boss: I told a customer we would make a small change to the software for them. Dilbert: There are no small software changes, only small managers. Boss: Dang it! Why does that sound so wise!
Friday April 12,
2019
How Long Will It Take
Tags computer software, office, office workers
Transcript
the boss: how long will it take to fix the bug? dilbert: that depends. how long will you stand behind me and interrupt me? the boss: how should i know? i can't see the future?