Every Dollar Men Comic Strips - Page 68
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690 Results for Every Dollar Men
View 671 - 680 results for every dollar men comic strips. Discover the best "Every Dollar Men" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday August 07,
2020
Boss Doesn't Understand
Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #technology, #server, #migration, #difficult, #understand, #question, #face maks
Transcript
boss: can you finish the server migration by monday? dilbert: no way. boss: how hard can it be? dilbert: you only say that about things you don't understand. boss: i ask that question every day. dilberty: yup.
Sunday August 30,
2020
Not A Monopoly
Tags #managers & supervisors, #senior managment, #ceo, #government, #monopoly, #product, #essential, #modern, #life, #competition, #company, #compete, #buy out, #fail, #face mask
Transcript
ceo: the government is threatening to regulate us like a monopoly. boss: are we not a monopoly? ceo: we are simply a company that makes an essential product for modern life, and we have no real competition. boss: that sounds like a monopoly. ceo: no, we are not because other companies could compete with us if they wanted. boss: and of they tried? ceo: as soon as they got some traction we'd buy them and shut them down. dilbert: so... they would fail every time. ceo: but they could try.
Saturday November 07,
2020
Coffee Productivity
Tags #technology, #business, #projects, #productive, #medical, #coffee, #lie, #medical-grade coffee
Transcript
wally in meeting with boss and dilbert: i've been highly productive since switching to medical-grade coffee. i finished all of my projects and did an excellent job on every one. boss: wow! dilbert and wally in hall after: so that stuff actually makes you more productive? wally: no, but it does make me lie better.
Monday November 16,
2020
Real Men Multitask
Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #technology, #software, #software design, #concentrate, #multitask, #distraction, #kill, #error
Transcript
boss: do you ever think about the fact that one small error in your software design could kill hundreds of people? all it would take is some kind of distraction while you are trying to concentrate. dilbert: are you done? boss: a real man could multitask in this situation.
Thursday November 19,
2020
Dilbert Not On Mute
Tags #business, #meetings, #video conference, #zoom, #time-wasting, #fool, #mute
Transcript
Dilbert on a video conference call and voices coming from laptop" We've been going for two hours, so let's wrap up... i have a new topic... dilbert: Gaaa!!! why is there always on time-wasting fool on every zoom call??? why? why? voice from laptop: dilbert, you're not on mute. dilbert: oh. did you hear my tv? i'll turn it down.
Saturday November 28,
2020
Zoom Happy Hour
Tags #business, #technology, #zoom, #happy hour, #morale, #department, #alcohol, #drinking, #drunk
Transcript
boss on video conference with dilbert and alice. boss: we're going to start having zoom happy hour every weekday to boost morale. dilbert: you're the only one in the entire department who drinks alcohol. boss: you're all looshers. alice: did you already start drinking? boss: i love you!
Friday January 01,
2021
Cock Fights
Tags #business, #business ethics, #audit, #disturbing, #results, #sales, #department, #cockfight, #invitation, #rooster
Transcript
dogbert: my audit of your company has uncovered many disturbing things. for example, did you know that the sales department holds cockfights on the third floor every tuesday? boss: why have i never been invited? dogbert: you're not a rooster.
Monday January 11,
2021
Keyboard Upgrades
Tags #business, #sarcasm, #technology, #keyboard, #design, #keys, #better, #hard, #software, #upgrades
Transcript
dilbert: i have an idea for a keyboard design that we upgrade every six months by rearranging where the keys are. boss: why would we do that? dilbert: to make it better. boss: that would only make it harder to use. dilbert: exactly like our software upgrades. what's your point?
Sunday January 17,
2021
Vaccine
Tags #business, #business ethics, #covid-19, #sarcasm, #vaccine, #pharma, #company, #target, #safety, #efficacy
Transcript
boss: i'm happy to announce that our company has produced a vaccine for covid-19. dilbert: how did we do that? we're not even a pharma company. boss: i'm not going to lie. we had to cut some corners to get it done. dilbert: such as... boss: well, for example... we couldn't meet every single target we hoped to achieve. dilbert: how many targets did we miss? boss: only two things. dilbert: safety and efficacy? boss: okay, four things.
Sunday February 07,
2021
Dogbert Is Doctor Of Impossible
Tags #boring, #business, #cure, #diseases, #doctor, #fail, #headache, #ice-cold bath, #impossible, #improvement, #medical, #prescribe, #sarcasm, #treatments, #health and wellnes
Transcript
dogbert: i'm dogbert, doctor of the impossible. boss: does that mean you cure diseases that are believed to be impossible to cure? dogbert: no, that sounds boring. i prescribe treatments that are impossible to follow. when you fail you don't get better. you'll think it's your own fault. boss: how does that help anyone but you? dogbert: hey, i'm not the one who brought it up. boss: you're giving me a headache. dogbert: to cure that, i suggest ice-cold baths every six minutes.