Avoid Work Comic Strips - Page 69
Search Filters
Year
- 2023
- 2022
- 2021
- 2020
- 2019
- 2018
- 2017
- 2016
- 2015
- 2014
- 2013
- 2012
- 2011
- 2010
- 2009
- 2008
- 2007
- 2006
- 2005
- 2004
- 2003
- 2002
- 2001
- 2000
- 1999
- 1998
- 1997
- 1996
- 1995
- 1994
- 1993
- 1992
- 1991
- 1990
- 1989
Character
1000 Results for Avoid Work
View 681 - 690 results for avoid work comic strips. Discover the best "Avoid Work" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday September 11,
2003
Tags created time line, identified resources, revise timeline, re examine, thousand ways, haven't done anything
Transcript
Wally: "In only one week my project team has created a time line and identified the resources we need." "Next week, we plan to revise the time line and re-examine our resource needs." "Good work." "There must be a thousand ways to say I haven't done anything." "Wait.."
Wednesday September 17,
2003
Tags audio lessons, hundred million, showing up, performing ceo, be the person, buy audio lessons
Transcript
Dogbert: Would you like to make a hundred million dollars for just showing up at work? Dogbert: My audio lessons teach you how to become an underperforming CEO. $19.95 Step One: become A CEO> Step Two: Be the sort who would buy these audio lessons.
Sunday September 21,
2003
Tags nano bit project, Dilbert, take over, everyone busy, face in allaegators, one cracker a day, cracker time, quitting tomorrow, four problems
Transcript
Alice: "I don't have time to work on the nanobit project." The Boss: "No problem. Tell Dilbert I said he should take over." Two minutes later Dilbert: "I'm way, way too busy." The Boss: "Fine. Tell Wally to do it." Two minutes later. Wally: "I'm up to your face in alligators!" The Boss: "Okay, okay... hand it off to Asok." Two minutes later. Asok: "But already I only have time to eat one cracker a day." The Boss: "Tell Ted I said.." Ted: "Sure, I'll do it. No problem." Asok: "Mmm.. cracker time." Ted: "I'm quitting tomorrow." The Boss: "I solved four problems today!"
Tuesday September 23,
2003
Tags tasks, a, b or c priorities, a priorities, after i update, left in tank
Transcript
Wally: "Every morning I rank my tasks as A, B, or C priorities." The Boss: "And then you work on the 'A' priorities first?" Wally: "To be honest, after I update the list, there isn't much left in the tank."
Thursday September 25,
2003
Tags outsourcing, elbonia, time difference, hand off requirements, work day, finish code, pretend we died
Transcript
The Boss: "We're outsourcing half of our programming work to Elbonia to take advantage of the time difference." The Boos: "We'll hand off our requirements at the end of our work day and get back the finished code the next morning." Elboninas: "Once again, I have no idea what they want." "Let's pretend we died."
Sunday September 28,
2003
Tags employee moral survey, open, honest, communication from management, death spiral, looting comaony, noise, fishing lures, e, ploys suffer, boss likes hurting, sick boss, negative force
Transcript
"I have the results of the employee morale survey." "The number one issue is 'not enough open and honest communication from management.'" "Well, okay. I'm willing to give that a try." "Management is looting the company while hiding the fact that we're in a death spiral." "Whenever you talk, I think about fishing lures until the noise stops." "When I see an employee suffer, it excites me in ways I don't understand." "On nine separate occasions I've fired bald guys because I thought they were you." "If this doesn't work for you. Let me know on next employee morale survey."
Friday October 03,
2003
Tags work three hours, quality of life, gigantic raise, good time
Transcript
Tina: "Would it be okay if I worked three hours a week?" "Any more than three and my quality of life takes a steep dive." "Secondly, is this a good time to talk about a gigantic raise?"
Sunday October 05,
2003
Tags 401k plan, afterlife, charisma, evil director, expected - value basis, free software upagrdes, high potential reward, human resources, math, odds seem low, reward you in aftrelife, seventy versions, education, business
Transcript
Catbert, the Evil Director of Human Resources." Catbert: "Your 401K Retirement Plan will be replaced with a 401A plan." "The 'A' stands for afterlife." "You'll get no money in this life, but the company will reward you in the afterlife." Dilbert: "The odds of that happening seem low." CatBert: "Yes, but on an expected-value basis, a high potential reward compensates for low odds." "For example, how many free software upgrades would I need to promise you in the afterlife to make you work yourself to death this year?" Dilbert: "Seventy versions." "I resisted his charisma. But he got me with his math."
Sunday October 26,
2003
Tags boosting prformance, vacation days, use all, recahrged, issed days, copeantetive advantage, retirement, return, 15 year vacation, 20 years in minutes
Transcript
"I have an idea for boosting my performance." "You wisely coached us to use all of our vacation days every year." "Because we come back recharged!" "Our renewed motivation is more than enough to compensate for ths missed days." "My plan is to leverage that competitive advantage." "I'll take a fifteen year vacation and return ten minutes before retirement." "Then I'll be so recharged that I'll pounce and do twenty years of work in minutes!!" "Unless it's near a holiday, in which case, do you mind if I leave early?"
Monday October 27,
2003
Tags lunch time, barely came late, work, eat, plaumbing, read apaper, non urgency, moring at offcie, slacker, stale job
Transcript
"Are you going to lunch?" "Lunch already?" "Sheesh! I barely had time to come late to work, eat breakfast, use the plumbing and read the paper." "You take your non-work seriously." "I'm trying to develop a sense of non-urgency."


