Business Ethics Comic Strips - Page 69

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Business Ethics

View 681 - 690 results for business ethics comic strips. Discover the best "Business Ethics" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cpg project, confused, leader, team, face front, back, walk away, flippant, useless, forget, frustrated, angry, comfort, hand on shoulder, shake, clench teeth, hair stand up, business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "How's the CPG project coming along?" Dilbert says, "How would I know?" The Boss says, "You're leading that project." Dilbert says, "I am? Since when?" The Boss says, "I told everyone on the team two months ago." Dilbert says, "I'm not on the team. You never told me." The Boss says, "Whatever, go tell the team you've been in charge for the past two months and see what they've accomplished." The Boss says, "Who is on the team?" The Boss says, "I forget. I think one had dark hair. And another one was sad." The Boss says, "Don't tell them there's a duplicate project in another division." Wally says, "You'll be okay. Just release the caring. Let it go."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meeting, servers crash, verify, accomplishment, awesome, back of head, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says, "Our servers were about to crash, so I wrote a suite of scripts to keep them running." The Boss says, "Your accomplishments are suspiciously hard to verify." Wally says, "So, recapping what we know for sure, you're an inadequate verifier, and you can't rule out the possibility that I'm awesome."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags pinocchio, nose grows, long nose, doctor, exam, stethoscope, lies, powerpoint, proboscis, nose through head, pain, medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Doctor says, "You have a wicked case of sympathetic Powerpoint proboscis." Doctor says, "Your nose grows when anyone lies during a business presentation." Asok says, "Sorry. The sales forecast seemed optimistic."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags beta test, meeting, face front, impractical maintenance requirement, lube, bear's ear, warrant, product, legal, shake fist, justice, sick, hand to mouth, shake, throw up, business, medical

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "The beta test went well. Thank you, Dilbert." The Boss says, "Now I'll have Tina add an impractical maintenance requirement to the manual and we're ready to go." Dilbert says, "What?" The Boss says, "It's standard procedure." The Boss says, "Say the user needs to lube the product ten time a day with the wax from a bear's ear." The Boss says, "And say the warranty is voided if the device isn't properly maintained." Dilbert says, "Is that legal?" The Boss says, "It's better than legal." The Boss says, "We're using the law to keep justice away!!" Dilbert says, "I feel sick." The Boss says, "That's how you know it's working."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meeting, presentation, fall asleep, dream, animal snout, nose job, reality, tease, mouth open, scared, wiggle fingers, annoyed, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok says, "I must have fallen asleep during your presentation. I dreamed I had an animal snout for a nose. It seemed so real." Dilbert says, "If you can't tell your dreams from your reality, maybe this is your dream and you really do have a snout." Dilbert says, "Does anything seem strange or out of place in this reality?" Wally says, "Can we please do some work?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags fix control management system, long time, meeting, leadership, timeline, failure, annoyed, blame others, business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "What's taking you so long to fix the control management system?" Dilbert says, "Your leadership has taught me to give you laughably unrealistic timelines, then blame others when I miss deadlines." The Boss says, "You're not even doing that right." Dilbert says, "I guess I need more of your leadership."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meeting, definition of success, slowing of failure, rate of doing nothing, improve, business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "The company is happy to annouce that compaired to previous years, we improved our rate of revenue decline." The Boss says, "We've been doing great since we redefined success as a slowing of failure." The Boss says, "Moving on. Who has a status report?" Wally says, "I improved my rate of doing nothing."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags wdnw system, wally does no work, meeting, acronym, lazy, get coffee, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says, "I need to spend the next year optimizing the WDNW system" Boss says, "I've never heard of the WDNW system." Wally says, "You only hear about the systems that have problems." Wally says, "If everything goes as planned, you'll never hear about WDNW again." Boss says, "What does the WDNW system do?" Wally says, "It keeps our zeros and ones from accidentally forming tens." Boss says, "That can happen?" Wally says, "Not on my watch." Dilbert says, "How's the 'Wally Does No Work' project?" Wally says, "The acronym helped."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags complain, annoyed, ted, fire, surprise, meeting, sit down, lie, wide eyes, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says, "I spent the entire week cleaning up the mess that Ted left after you fired him." Ted says, "I didn't get fired. I'm right here." Wally says, "I guess it's just his word against mine."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meeting, project, length, add people, months, useless, sit down, business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "How long will your project take if I add two people?" Dilbert says, "Add one month for training, one month for the extra complexity, and one month to deal with their drama." The Boss says, "But after all of that?" Dilbert says, "They'll be as useful as this meeting."