Job Comic Strips - Page 69

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View 681 - 690 results for job comic strips. Discover the best "Job" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags deception, executives, teaching, metor, nderlings, qualified, education

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Boss: Would you be my mentor? CEO: It's better for me if none of my underlings are qualified to take my job. Boss: I think you just taught me something. CEO: Gaaa!!! I hate it when I do that!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dating, frustration, relations between the sexes, modern world, purpose of men, money, bad jokes, faltulence, useless men, pondering on importance, relationships

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Woman: I'm not sure what function men serve in the modern world. My job pays well, so I have all the money I need. If something in my house breaks, I either fix it or pay someone to fix it. If I want a baby, I'll call a fertility doctor. In today's world, men are little more than carriers of bad jokes and flatulence. My gardener mows my lawn. Dilbert: I get it!!! Dogbert: That is disturbing. Dilbert: Not compared to the alternatives.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags deception, laziness, training class, training expenses, vendor, permission, proactive, alleged class, truts, aggressiveness, uselessness

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Wally: I accomplished nothing this week because I was in a training class. Boss: I didn't approve any training expenses. Wally: A vendor paid for it. Boss: You didn't ask for permission. Wally: I'm proactive and empowered. Boss: And what was the name of this alleged class? Wally: Advanced scripting structure for internetwork optimization of SQL databases. Boss: That doesn't sound real. Wally: I can't do my job if you don't trust me! Do you like how I combined aggressiveness with my baseline level of uselessness? I have a good feeling about this. Dilbert: You might need more aggressiveness.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags competition (psychology), elevators, fear, elevator, confrontation, threat, ceo, underling, power tripping

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CEO: Here's the hotshot that everyone says will someday take my job. I'm going to mentor you so hard your intestines will end up in your skull. Wally: I just figured out why people use the stairs.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags apathy, sleeping & waking up, work ethic, aggressive recruiter, passive job seeker, hidden gems, passive, falling in love

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Recruiter: I'm an aggressive recruiter looking for passive job seekers. Passive job seekers are hidden gems for recruiters, and you're the most passive one I've ever seen. Stop making me love you! Wally: ZZZZZZ.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags competition (psychology), laziness, passive job seeker, rope, sleeping, tied up, coffee cup, chair, bound

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Recruiters Recruiter 1: Hey, is that a passive job seeker? Wally: ZZZZZZ. Recruiter 2: Back off! I saw him first. This rope hols my place until he wakes up. Wally: ZZZZZZ. I will pay you a thousand dollars to drop a long straw in this cup.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cruelty, honesty, managers & supervisors, motivation, insincere, bar too high, low motivation, business

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Dilbert: My motivation is low today. I understand it's your job to fix that situation. An insincere attaboy or a fake interest in my life would be enough. Boss: Drop dead and let the flies eat you. Dilbert: I set the bar too high again.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags discussion, dress for the job, dress for the job you want, fault, guilt, more specific, naked, clothes, work

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Boss: When I said you should dress for the job you want, not the job you have... I shouldn't have needed to be more specific than that. Wally: You have a way of making everything sound like it's my fault.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags embarrassment, internet & world wide web, interviews, resume, old way, job interview, data online data, ew, disgust, walked out

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Boss: I don't need to see your resume. That's the old way of hiring. Now we use data from the Internet to see what you've been up to lately. Ew. Applicant: I'll show myself out. Boss: You'll understand if I don't shake your hand.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags lying, new business, professional liar, albis, job refernces, annual reports, born evil

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Dogbert: I'm starting a new business as a professional liar. I'll provide alibis, job references, annual reports, and that sort of thing. Dilbert; Were you born evil? Dogbert: It feels as if someone else had a hand in it.