Best Plan Comic Strips - Page 69

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

792 Results for Best Plan

View 681 - 690 results for best plan comic strips. Discover the best "Best Plan" comics from Dilbert.com.

Addictive Apps

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Addictive Apps - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #app, #zombie, #mindlessness, #cell phone, #marketing, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our plan is to use design psychology to make our apps more addictive. Ideally, we want to strip people of their free will and turn them into mindless upgrading zombies. Dilbert: I'd feel better if we called that "marketing." Boss: I need you to be more mindless, too.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #diet, #dating, #restaurant, #relationships, #health

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: It took me six months to get a reservation here. I hear the food is amazing. Woman: It sounds fantastic. It's too bad I'm on a cucumber diet. I can only eat cucumbers after five o'clock. Dilbert: Well, it seems you have squandered my invitation to fine dining. Now my plan of sharing a culinary adventure is just a sad commentary on the casual rudeness of life. Can I expect you to complain about the quality of your cucumber and send it back? Waiter: We don't have cucumbers.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #correction, #correcting, #freak out, #anger, #tress, #Advice, #eavesdropping, #awkward, #temper

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: What's the best way to invest these days? Boss: Penny stocks are the best value because they only cost a penny. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! I hate over hearing bad advice! Boss: If I were you, I"d take out a second mortgage and load up. Dilbert; I don't want to get involved, but I'll feel bad if I don't. Boss: You'll get reliable stock-picking advice from strangers on television. Dilbert: Run! Cover your ears and run! If it makes you feel any less awkward, I don't now what to do now, either.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engagement, #review, #shortcut, #honesty, #human resources, #hr, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: How's your employee engagement coming along? Dilbert: I'll make you a deal... I'll pretend I'm happy to be here if you pretend you believe it. Boss: I need more than that. I also want you to pretend you're loyal to the company. Dilbert: I can do that, if you pretend you're interested in my career development. Boss: Can we do all of that without talking? Dilbert: That's the best way. Boss: My job was a lot harder before I figured out all the shortcuts.

Dilbert In Wrong Meeting

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert In Wrong Meeting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #awkward, #meeting, #embarrassed, #embarrassment, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I just realized I'm in the wrong meeting. My best bet is to slowly sink below the table and slip away. Someday, when my grandkids ask what I did for a living, I'm going to say I was unemployed.

Topper Signs Document

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Topper Signs Document - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #one-up, #best, #competition, #deception, #trick, #signature

View Transcript

Transcript

Topper. Dilbert: I once signed my entire first name to a document. Topper: That's nothing! Watch me sign my entire full name to that document! Dilbert: Sometimes you can be predictable. Topper: That's nothing! I don't even have free will!

Fairness Is For Kids And Idiots

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Fairness Is For Kids And Idiots - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fair, #fairness, #wages, #equality, #worth, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The new hire gets paid more than me. It isn't fair. Dogbert: Fairness is a concept that was invented so kids and idiots could participate in debates. Dilbert: Hey, that's not fair. Dogbert: The best case scenario here is that you're younger than you look.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #job, #scope, #negotiating, #engineer, #demands, #failure, #stress, #business, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We need to cut our budget. Go to all of our vendors and tell them to reduce their prices. Dilbert: Why would they do that for us? Boss: Tell them we'll buy from someone else unless they do. Dilbert: That's what we told them to get the prices we have now. I'm an engineer, not a professional negotiator. Your plan has failure designed into it. Your poor leadership already has me on the edge of madness. This could push me over the edge. Boss: And I need it done by Tuesday.

Bad Optics

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Bad Optics - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #appearances, #optics, #logic, #deception

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I don't like the optics of your plan. Dilbert: It's the only plan that can work. Should I change it to something that looks good but won't work? Boss: Excellent idea. You might have more management potential than I though.

Who Wants The Legacy System Job

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Who Wants The Legacy System Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #legacy, #underachiever, #volunteer

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'm assigning our best and brightest engineers to the new system integration team. Anyone who is left over gets to be in charge of watching our legacy system slowly rot. Dilbert: Who would want that job? Wally: Me!!! Pick me!!!