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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 10, 2003's comic on:


Tags #finalized busdget, #budget for last year, #sounds annual

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Man: "At long last, I finalized the budget." Dilbert: "This is the budget for last year." Man: "Stop making it sound annual."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 01, 2004's comic on:


Tags #evil director, #illeagal, #age, #sex, #martital status, #ethnicity, #fifty year old, #mongrel spinster

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"Evil director of H.R." "It's illegal for me to ask about age, sex, marital status, weight, ethnicity or disabilities." "But I can see that youre a fifty-year-old, 145-pund, mongrel spinster with some coordination issues." "Do you have any problem working on Christmas?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 26, 2004's comic on:


Tags #how many quarters, #in a year, #board meeting, #sound smart

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The boss: I forgot how many quarters are in a year. Carol: two Unless its a leap year: then you have two quarters plus a penny, The boss; Maybe I'll say that at the board meeting to sound smart. Carol: Im free.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 02, 2004's comic on:


Tags #bad year, #committed, #compensation packages, #management, #stay course, #visons

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The boss: "We've had a bad year but management is commited to staying the course." Dilbert: "Question: did you just say our leaders are receiving huge compensation packages to keep doing what doesn't work?" The Boss: "No. The way I said it, they're visionaries." Dilbert: "So ... they keep doing what doesn't work ... and they see visions?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 14, 2005's comic on:


Tags #bill for consulting, #past year, #all in head, #recommendation, #status quo, #everything right

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Dogbert: Here's my bill for the consulting work I've done for you over the past year. The Boss: "What consulting? I haven't seen any reports." Dogbert: "I did it all in my head. I don't like to waste paper." The Boss: "What's your recommendation?" Dogbert: "Status Quo. You're doing everything right."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 30, 2005's comic on:


Tags #board meeting, #dipping employees, #varnish, #voted to fire you, #100 million, #1 million year

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Ratbert the CEO "The board has learned that you've been dipping employees in varnish and using them as office furniture." "We voted to fire you. Your severence package includes $100 million, the corporate jet, perpetual benefits and a salary of $1 million per year." "Bu-ya!" "He's taking it well."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 09, 2007's comic on:


Tags #stretch goals, #goals for year, #set higher

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Asok: I wrote out my goals for the coming year. I set them higher than I can achieve because our boss said it's good to have stretch goals. Alice: Well, more for us."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 10, 2007's comic on:


Tags #low balling gaols, #coming year, #decompose chair, #sounds easy, #different chair

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The Boss: I'm concerned that you might be low-balling your goals for the coming year. For example, this one says you will 'decompose in your chair'. That sounds easy. Dilbert: Not really. Half of the time I'm in a different chair."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 04, 2012's comic on:


Tags #computer software, #managers & supervisors, #budget, #work monitoring software, #calendar, #year 2040, #square boxes, #business

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Boss: I don't have a budget for the network monitoring software you need, so you'll have to write it yourself. Dilbert: Good plan. I'll check back with you when I'm done doing that. What's your calendar look like in the year 2040? Boss: Sort of a grid with square boxes.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 02, 2012's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #wages, #hiring engineers, #google, #million per year, #change the world, #average engineer pay, #money

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Interviewee: Google offered me a million dollars a year. What's your offer? Boss: Work for us and you can change the world! Interviewee: Change it how? Boss: By lowering the average pay of engineers. Hiring engineers