Amorphous Cloud Of Gas Comic Strips - Page 7

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

69 Results for Amorphous Cloud Of Gas

View 61 - 69 results for amorphous cloud of gas comic strips. Discover the best "Amorphous Cloud Of Gas" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 06, 2007's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"Can I ask you a question?" "Sure, new guy." "How long do I need to work here before..." "...the dark cloud of hopelessness and despair begins to lift?" "I keep expecting the feeling to go away any minute." "I was hoping to achieve job satisfaction within a month." "Once that happens, I figure that total self-actualization can't be far behind." "I'd give it another day or two." "Any minute now."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 28, 2003's comic on:


Tags #hired wife, #mean, #condescending, #slave driver, #obnoxious

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "I hired my wife to be our new receptionist." Boss: "I foresee no problems whatsoever." Wife: "Hey, Dipweed!" "Go buy me a bagel and a cappuccino." "Then wash my car and fill the gas tank." "NOW DANCE FOR ME, LITTLE MAN! HA HA! DANCE OR I'LL HAVE YOU FIRED!!!" "How may I help you? Have a nice day!" The boss: "Stop dancing in the lobby. My wife is trying to work."

Mansplaining The Network

Thank you for voting.
Mansplaining The Network - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 08, 2015's comic on:


Tags #mansplainer, #mansplaining, #relations between the sexes, #sexism, #frustration

View Transcript

Transcript

Mansplaining. Man: Let me explain how our network is designed. Alice: I personally designed our network and I know far more about it than you ever will. Man: Do you know what a cloud is? Alice: It's where you'll be playing your harp in a minute.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 20, 2015's comic on:


Tags #jargon, #techspeak, #nonsense, #bluff, #deception, #conversation, #language

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Wally, did you Uberize the slide deck? Wally: I harmonized it in the cloud. Boss: Are we ready for a trans-domain kick-off? Wally: I put a disruptive mesh network in the microservices of the Internet of things. Boss: Will that be good enough to "ask the fridge" or do I need to start disintermediating? Wally: It depends on if we have enough bandwidth to growth-hack the analytics. Boss: I just hope our clicks-and-mortar strategy staircases. Dilbert: I'm almost certain that was nonsense. Wally: Sometimes it's about the journey.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 06, 2016's comic on:


Tags #insult, #offense, #engineer, #programmer, #coding, #anger, #technology, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: How's the software coming? Alice: Still waiting for you to give me the specs so I can start. Man: I already told you it's a cloud app that does data. Hey, I can't do your job for you. You have to meet me halfway. Aren't you supposed to be "agile?" I mean, how hard is it to rearrange zeroes and ones all day? Should I ask again tomorrow? Alice: Sure, if you're alive.

The Virus Afterlife

Thank you for voting.
The Virus Afterlife - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 08, 2016's comic on:


Tags #soul, #conscience, #morality, #morals, #sentience, #life, #death, #existence, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I couldn't find any evidence that I have a soul, so I built an artificial one and put it in a drone. When my physical body dies, the drone will upload my memories and personality to the cloud to live forever. Woman: Your soul will be trapped in a server? Dilbert: No, I wrapped it in a virus so I can travel.

Dilbert Enters The Jargon Matrix

Thank you for voting.
Dilbert Enters The Jargon Matrix - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 11, 2017's comic on:


Tags #jargon, #language, #matrix, #communication

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Asok entered the jargon matrix. I'm going in to save him. Asok: User experience... Dilbert: Cloud... blockchain... speed of execution... responsive design... peel the onion... move the needle... Asok: Sustainability. Dilbert: I'm in. Asok: What the...? Where did you come from? Narrator: Continued...

Immersive Vr Employee Quits

Thank you for voting.
Immersive Vr Employee Quits - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 08, 2017's comic on:


Tags #virtual reality, #civil rights, #discrimination, #artificial intelligence, #rights

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our immersive VR employee quit. He's suing the company for discriminating against digitally rendered people. Catbert: Is it too late to kill him? Boss: I tried, but he cloned himself to cloud storage.

Watch That Monitors Health

Thank you for voting.
Watch That Monitors Health - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 14, 2017's comic on:


Tags #health, #wearable tech, #fitbit, #fitness, #monitor, #surveillance

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our new product is a watch that monitors every aspect of your health. Wearing the watch is mandatory for all employees. Your data will automatically stream to our cloud storage. Voice: Because you care about our health? Boss: Sure. We'll go with that.