Search Results for "arms out"
Share October 04, 1995's comic on:
Dogbert sits in the cockpit of an airplane. He says, "Attention, passenger." Dogbert continues, "I'm Captain Dogbert. This is my first flight. I'll bet you wish you hadn't cut the corporate training budget." The passenger, the CEO of the company, looks shocked. Dogbert continues, "For safety, keep an eye out the window . . . If it looks like we're gonna hit the ground, try jumping up right before impact." The passenger looks scared.
Share December 16, 1995's comic on:
Dogbert sits on the couch backrest and Ratbert stands on the armrest. Dogbert says, "When I conquer the world I'll have a secret handshake to identify the people who will be part of my new ruling class." Dogbert says, "Cross your eyes and stick out your tongue. Good, now vigorously slap your face." As Ratbert slaps himself, Dogbert says, "The people who aren't doing that will be identified as my new ruling class."
Share December 16, 1990's comic on:
Dilbert's car taps the car behind it. Dilbert says, "Oh, carp . . . I'd better see if I dented it." Dilbert leans into the car and tells the driver, "Your bumper doesn't appear to be . . . Uh-oh." The driver's legs and arms are contorted. He shouts at Dilbert, "Look what you've done to me, you oaf!!" The man hops out of the car and shouts, "I'll see you in court!!" The driver sits in the witness stand and tells the judge, ". . . And now I'll never be able to work again." The lawyer asks, "What kind of work did you do?" The man replies, "Well, uh . . . Er . . . Um . . ." The man answers, "Circus contortionist." The man adds, "As far as the settlement goes, I can be flexible."
Share February 23, 1996's comic on:
Dilbert perches on a rock using a laptop. He says to two Elbonians, "Before I accept the software you wrote under contract, tell me what development methodology you use." One Elbonian says, "We hold village meetings to boast of our skills and curse the devil-spawned end-users." The other Elbonian adds, "Sometimes we juggle." The first Elbonian continues, "At the last minute we slam out some code and go roller skating." Dilbert says, "I would find this humorous if not for the pig on my back." A pig clings to Dilbert lovingly.
Share November 18, 1996's comic on:
Catbert stands on a monitor and says, "Are you stressed out, Wally? I have a solution." Catbert continues, "Start smoking. That way you'll have frequent company-sanctioned breaks throughout the day." Wally asks, "This is your strategy for downsizing, isn't it?" Catbert offers a pack of cigarettes to Wally and says, "Try it, you big wuss."
Share April 09, 1997's comic on:
Dilbert stands behind Wally's desk and says, "The new org chart has my name lower than yours, but it doesn't mean anything." Dilbert shows Wally the chart and says, "See? It wouldn't all fit across the page. It's just a graphical layout thing, that's all." Alice holds out her coffee mug and says, "Hey, Dil-boy, put a head on this and fetch my mail." Wally asks Dilbert, "Are you asking me to be your mentor?"
Share April 24, 1997's comic on:
Alice sits in a chair and Catbert sits on a couch. Alice says, "I'm being discriminated against because I take time off for family emergencies." Catbert replies, "I'll handle this by telling your boss that you ratted him out to the Director of Human Resources." Alice says, "I thought we had a 'Family Friendly' policy." Catbert says, "The key word is FRIENDLY. You've been acting as if you LOVE your family."
Share May 06, 1997's comic on:
Dilbert and Dogbert walk in the park. Dilbert is wearing a sweatshirt. Dilbert asks, "Are you telling me that YOU invented the first Web browser?" Dogbert replies, "Not alone. I worked with our garbage man." The caption says, "Flashback." Dogbert sits on a garbage can and tells the garbage man, "I wonder how long people would sit in front of a computer waiting for nothing." The garbage man replies, "Let's find out!" They sit at a computer. The garbage man asks, "What if this thing gets out of hand?" Dogbert replies, "We'll blame it on some drunken college kid."
Share May 21, 1997's comic on:
Dilbert stands at the Boss's desk and says, "It is physically impossible for me to finish both of my projects on time. Which one is more important?" The Boss says, "Hmm . . . If I absolutely HAD to choose between them, I'd say . . . Do them both on time." Dilbert says, "Wow. When you do that with your arms, it creates the illusion that you're thinking." The Boss says, "What you need is a third project."
Share August 01, 1997's comic on:
Alice peers over the walls of her cubicle at Dilbert. She says, "I hope we get some more office space soon. Otherwise, I'll have to share my cubicle." Alice says, "If they send someone here, I'll arrange the usual 'accident'." A co-worker walks in behind her, box of supplies in his arms and says, "Hi!" A spring under an office chari propells the co-worker out of Alice's cubicle. His supplies go flying. wally and Dilbert watch his arc through the air. "Wow. She got the box, too," says Wally.