Kill Family Comic Strips - Page 7

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320 Results for Kill Family

View 61 - 70 results for kill family comic strips. Discover the best "Kill Family" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 14, 1996's comic on:


Tags #making personal calls, #stealing, #fist of death, #eighty cents, #talk to family, #bill for overtime, #being competetive, #office supplies

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Alice sits at her desk. The Boss enters and says, "According to this phone bill, you've been making personal calls." The Boss continues, "That's like stealing from the company, Alice." Alice clenches her teeth, holds her fist and thinks, "Must . . . Control . . . Fist . . . Of . . . Death . . ." Alice looks at the telephone bill and says, "I only spent eighty cents to tell my family I was working late." Alice says, "Here's a dollar. The extra twenty cents is for the personal thought that I'm about to have on company time." Alice closes her eyes and imagines the Boss tied up with rope. She pictures handing him a stick of dynamite. Alice says, "And here's my bill for $40,000 in unpaid overtime that the company stole from me." The Boss replies, "That's not stealing; that's being competitive." Alice says, "I think I'll be competitive with a few bushels of office supplies later today."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 03, 1999's comic on:


Tags #people fear public speaking, #fear death, #kill a guy, #scheduled to speak, #sleep, #threats, #dogcart threatens dilbert, #hints at death, #health

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the breakfast table. Dilbert has his lap top in front of him. Dogbert says, "They say people fear public speaking more than they fear death." Dogbert says, "So technically, if you kill a guy who's scheduled to speak, you're doing him a favor." Dogbert says, "When are you going to sleep." Dilbert says, "Never."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 17, 1999's comic on:


Tags #computer manufacturer, #threats, #to kill, #freeze up, #supportive police

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Dilmom opens her door to two policemen holding guns. Cop one says, "We have a report that you threatened to kill a computer manufacturer." Dilbert's mom pionts to the computer and says, "It freezes up five times a day. I have to unplug it to turn it off." The cops put down their guns. Cop 1 says, "Okay, we're with you. When's it going down?" Dilmom says, "Is tuesday good?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 02, 1999's comic on:


Tags #kill coworker, #employee manual, #award for cost saving, #evil hr director

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Caption "Catbert: evil h.r. director" Alice sits in Catbert's office. Catbert says, "Alice, did you kill another co-worker?" Alice says, "Yes." Catbert looks in the Employee Manual and says, "But you did not discriminate, sexually harass, steal or take drugs. hmmmm.." Catbert says, "It looks like I have to give you an award for your cost saving idea." Alice says, "Thank you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 07, 2000's comic on:


Tags #secretary works harder, #paid less, #many like you, #kill boss eventually, #fewer bosses

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Carol says to the Boss, "I work harder than you. Why do I get paid a fifth of what you make?" The Boss answers, "That's because there are many people like you but few people like me." Carol replies, "Maybe that's because the people like me eventually kill the people like you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 19, 2000's comic on:


Tags #house on fire, #servant, #killing spiders, #wounded flies, #work at home person says, #what family hears

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(What the work-at-home person says.) Dilbert says to Dogbert and Catbert, "Don't disturb me unless the house is on fire." (What the rest of the family hears.) Dilbert continues, "I am your servant. My speciality is killing spiders." (What the spiders hear.) Dilbert says, "The house is full of wounded flies."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 19, 2000's comic on:


Tags #dysfunctional family, #worthless, #seventy hours, #weekly, #more like you, #screams at worker

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The boss is sitting across from a terrified looking person. The boss says, "I understand that you were raised in a dysfunctional family." The man says, "Yes" The boss yells, "You're gonna work seventy hours a week or you're worthless!!" The man says, "You love me." The boss says, "Are there any more like you at home?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 26, 2001's comic on:


Tags #discount brokerage, #free dart board, #monkey, #drops below, #five hundred, #order money to kill, #strange techniques, #animals

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DISCOUNT BROKERAGE: Dogbert is in his office wearing a headset. He says, "When you open an account, you'll get a free dart board and a monkey." Dogbert continues, "If your balance drops below five hundred dollars, we'll order the monkey to kill you." Dogbert continues, "Well, think about it and get back to me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 14, 2001's comic on:


Tags #alice, #small alice, #kill people, #looking at them, #smiling, #man dies, #scary face

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A male co-worker says to Alice, "Smile, Alice. It won't hurt." As Alice glares at the co-worker, he grabs at his throat and cries, "Gaaak!!" At a table, eating lunch with Wally and Dilbert, Alice says, "I found out I can kill people by looking at them." Dilbert says, "I wondered why you were smiling."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 10, 2002's comic on:


Tags #conversations banned, #talk about work, #applies work hours, #home, #Family, #sleeping, #harsh rules, #evil director, #human resources, #business

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Headline: To: Employees From: Catbert. Catbert types, "All non-work conversations are banned." Catbert continues typing, "From now on you're only allowed to talk about work." An employee is eating dinner at home with his family. All of his children are asleep at the table. His wife says, "I think it only applies during work hours." The employee responds, "I can't take that chance."