Same Result Comic Strips - Page 7

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365 Results for Same Result

View 61 - 70 results for same result comic strips. Discover the best "Same Result" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 25, 2011's comic on:


Tags #competition (psychology), #goals for the year, #assignments, #average raise, #invent nuclear fusion, #lack of knowledge

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Boss: I'm getting writer's block trying to come up with your goals for the year. Dilbert: Just write anything. We both know I'll ignore the goals and work on whatever you assign to me. Boss: How will I know if you do a good job if you don't have goals? Dilbert: Same way as always. You'll compare your lack of knowledge about what I did to the goals you imagine you might have created if you could have seen the future. Then you'll give me an average raise just like everyone else who didn't invent nuclear fusion. Boss: Works for me. Dilbert: It's better to not overthink these things.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 17, 2011's comic on:


Tags #writing, #writing materials, #five technology plan, #plan for ceo, #pie chart

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Boss: I need you to put together a five-year technology plan for our CEO. Dilbert: Sure. How about "tomorrow will be the same as today, and next year will be all flying cars and whatnot." Boss: Word it up and put a bow on it. Dilbert: I'll add a pie chart for the sizzle.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 22, 2011's comic on:


Tags #crimes, #criminals, #elbonian, #minister of commerce, #leave no eveidence, #connects crime, #bribe him, #kill him

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CEO: I need you to bribe an Elbonian minister of commerce and leave no evidence that connects the crime to our company. Dogbert: The only way to do that is to bribe him and kill him at the same time. CEO: I did not think this through. Dogbert: And obviously I'll need to do you first.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 25, 2011's comic on:


Tags #christmas presents, #embarrassment, #merry christmas, #network design meeting, #brand of makeup, #hid, #loobby, #elevator, #closet for months, #creepiness

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Dilbert: Merry Christmas, Sarah. This is for you. Woman: Have you met? Dilbert: We attended the same network design meeting last April. I overheard you telling someone in the hallway that you like a specific brand of makeup. So I bought a box of it and kept it in the closet for months. I came to work early today and hid behind the sculpture in the lobby until I saw you heading to the elevator. Alice: I didn't know you could gift wrap creepiness. Sorry. Just act like I'm not here.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 08, 2012's comic on:


Tags #low margin lines, #high risk, #start up, #lumbering inefficiencies, #buy in

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Boss: We're abandoning our low-margin lines of business and going into a whole new field. Dilbert: So... we'll be like a high-risk start-up company burdened with lumbering inefficiencies and a high cost structure? Boss: Was anything you said the same as buy-in?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 13, 2012's comic on:


Tags #discussion, #ideas, #meeting, #originality, #irrational thinking, #optoistic, #new prodcuts, #faking optomisim, #fake buy in, #business

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Dilbert: ... and that's my suggestion for our next product. Alice: How do we know that ten other companies aren't working on the same idea. Dilbert: Well, that's always a possibility. Wally: There are seven billion people on Earth. I'll bet a million of them had this idea. Asok: It's irrational to think that any new product is likely to be a hit. On the other hand, we only get paid if we pretend to be optimistic about new products. Wally: All in favor of faking our optimism, raise your hands. Dilbert: All I could get was a fake buy-in. Boss: That's the only kind there is.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 12, 2012's comic on:


Tags #happiness, #office workers, #uncomfortable, #enjoy working, #my job, #suffer, #boss, #unhappy, #psychology

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Boss: It make me uncomfortable when they appear to enjoy working. It feels like I'm not doing my job. Suffer! Same planet, different reality.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 21, 2012's comic on:


Tags #computers & peripherals, #tupac video, #holgram, #data cloud, #economical

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Catbert: Ted, have you seen the Tupac video where he performs as a hologram? We've decided to do the same thing with all of our employees. We're going to move your data to the cloud. Ted: Tupac is dead. Catbert: I think you mean economical.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 25, 2012's comic on:


Tags #jerk, #office workers, #unreliable, #experinced, #hound, #management

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Coworker: I'll get that information to you by Tuesday. Dilbert: You seem reliable. I'll schedule some time on Wednesday to hound you, and more time on Friday to escalate to your boss. Coworker: Are you trying to be a jerk? Dilbert: I'm experienced. It looks exactly the same.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 12, 1989's comic on:


Tags #death, #marriage, #relationships, #medical

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Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dilbert reads a magazine and says, "Wow! This survey says that a woman over 35 has the same odds of getting married as being killed by a terrorist." Dogbert asks, "Of the ones who do get married, how many marry terrorists?" Dilbert replies, "One in four." Dogbert says, "Gosh."