Customers Comic Strips - Page 7
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170 Results for Customers
View 61 - 70 results for customers comic strips. Discover the best "Customers" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday September 07,
2014
Tags assumption, business ethics, buy prodcuts, corporate strategy, corporation, customer centric, etiquette & ethics, evil, executives, ideas, marketing campaign, monopoly, needs, needs of customers, psychological manipulation
Transcript
CEO: I welcome any input on our corporate strategy. Dilbert: I think we need to be more customer-centric. CEO: You mean raise our prices? Dilbert: I mean focus on the needs of our customers. CEO: You mean we should be a monopoly so they need us? Dilbert: Um, no. We should find out what they need and then give it to them. CEO: They need to buy our products. Dilbert: They probably don't. CEO: So you're saying our marketing campaign should use psychological manipulation to make people think they need our products. You finally had a good idea. Dilbert: I'm going to stop talking now.
Tuesday September 09,
2014
Tags lying, customers, pitch, software bugs, present information, good for us, dont lable
Transcript
Boss: When you talk to customers, stop mentioning our software bugs. Dilbert: Should I lie? Boss: No, no. I just need you to present the information that is good for us and leave out the rest. Dilbert: Lie by omission? Boss: It's better if we don't label it. Dilbert: Should I use my real name?
Wednesday April 25,
2018
Brains In A River
Tags cryogenics, ethics, laziness, yelp, online review, comments, feedback, customers
Transcript
Dogbert: Being the owner of a cryogenic investment firm is a lot of work. So instead of keeping my customers' brains frozen, I decided to toss them in the river and hope no one notices. The best kind of customers are the ones who can't write bad Yelp! reviews.
Thursday May 03,
2018
Customers Work For Free
Tags test, big business, money, savings, obliviousness
Transcript
Alice: Did anyone test our user interface before we shipped it? Boss: No, our customers will tell us what they don't like about it. And they work for free. Alice: That isn't right. Boss: That's what our customers say, too, and unlike you, they work for free.
Monday December 09,
2019
Sadist Designs Interface
Tags managers & supervisors, technology, user, interfaces, job, unwanted, customers, sadist, stockholm
Transcript
boss: i hired a sadist to design our user interfaces. i realize this isn't ideal, but no one else wanted the job. dilbert: why would our customers buy a product designed by a sadist? boss: it's called stockholm syndrome.
Sunday April 26,
2020
Dogbert Designs Headphones
Tags design, business, headphones, maximum, customer, annoyance, charging, port, guess, incorrect, frustration, fit, customers, ship, user
Transcript
dogbert: i've designed these over-ear headphones for maximum customer annoyance. the charging port is only on one side, so the user has a fifty percent chance of guessing wrong. and the charger only fits if you put it right-side up. to increase the frustration, i made the plug look the same on both sides. best of all, the plug is so poorly designed that half the time it doesn't seem to fit, even when you put it in correctly. i made the headphones black, so you can't easily find the charger hole in low light. ninety percent of users will be cursing us every time they try to recharge. customers won't know any of this until after they purchase. boss: ship it.
Monday January 25,
2021
Customers Are Dead People
Tags business, business ethics, customer, lists, dead, alive, lie, activist, sarcasm
Transcript
dilbert: activists are accusing us of padding our customer list with the names of dead people. boss: that's a lie. those customers were alive when they bought our products. dilbert: did they die while using them? boss: let's hope the activists don't ask that question.
Friday July 09,
2021
New Loyal Customers
Tags business, meeting, ceo, woke, advertising, dollars, loss, quarter, offend, straight face, botox, annoying
Transcript
ceo: our strategy of being annoyingly woke in our ads caused us to have an eight billion dollar loss this quarter. but it was worth it because sometimes you have to offend some of your customers to make the others loyal. dilbert: how did you say that with a straight face? ceo: no one told you about botox?
Sunday May 08,
2011
Tags business ethics, suspicion, features for product, overstaffed, spare time, job description, healthy raise, highest performance rating
Transcript
Dilbert: In my spare time I created some awesome new features for our product. Boss: GAAA!!! Shut the door! Dilbert: What?!! Boss: You fool! If my boss finds out you have spare time, he'll think we're overstaffed! You can never speak of these awesome new features again. Dilbert: I'm confused. You told me I need to go above and beyond my job description to get the highest performance rating. Boss: That's just something I say to keep you from getting a healthy raise. Dilbert: So... I lose no matter what I do? Boss: For what it's worth, you're doing better than our customers.
Friday September 16,
2011
Tags conversation, language, positive feel, power cables, insulated
Transcript
Boss: Avoid saying "unfortunately" when you talk to customers. Say instead, "as it turns out." That has a more positive feel. Dilbert: As it turns out, our power cables aren't as insulated as we had hoped.


