Dead Comic Strips - Page 7
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191 Results for Dead
View 61 - 70 results for dead comic strips. Discover the best "Dead" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday July 08,
2008
Tags time management, evolution, good management, tasks, genes, dead end
Transcript
Dogbert says, "Welcome to Dogbert's seminar on time management and evolution." Dogbert says, "The key to good time management is skipping un-important tasks." Dogbert says, "In module two, I will show you that everything you do is unimportant because your genes are a dead end."
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Wednesday July 09,
2008
Tags dead squirrel, insulting, knitting sweater, makeup, meeting, no potential benefit, time management, time management expert, woman as example, hideous outfit, business
Transcript
Dogbert the Time Management Expert Dogbert says, "Never put time into an activity that has no potential benefit." Dogbert says, "For example, why bother putting on makeup if you're going to wear that hideous outfit?" Dogbert says, "That's like knitting a sweater for a dead squirrel."
Monday November 24,
2008
Tags bacon and eggs, breakfast, breakfast foods, chicken, dead pig, home early, pig, meeting, animals, business
Transcript
The boss: As I gazed at my bacon and egg this morning, I realized... The chicken contributed, but the pig was commutted. I am so clever. Wally: If I promise to work like a dead big, can i go home early?
Saturday February 06,
2010
Tags boss, security, canceled, dead, morbid, cremate, thermostat, hiding, ductwork
Transcript
Dilbert says, "Where's our pointy-haired boss?" Carol says, "Dead." Carol says, "I canceled his security clearance, so he went into hiding in the ductwork. By now he's probably gotten stuck and starved to death." Carol says, "I plan to cremate his remains, but it might take a while; the thermostat only goes up to 85."
Monday February 08,
2010
Tags the boss, dead, ductwork, stuck, meeting, discuss, solution, cool device, duct pressure, carcass, jerry maguire, business
Transcript
Dilbert says, "Our pointy-haired boss is stuck in our building's ductwork and presumed dead." Dilbert says, "We can alert the proper authorities, or we can design a totally cool device to increase the duct pressure and propel his carcass into the stratosphere." Alice says, "You had me at 'carcass.'"
Tuesday February 09,
2010
Tags boss, stuck, security, ductwork, cool device, dead, calling for help, crime, alive, tools, machine, air vent
Transcript
Boss is stuck in the ductwork. Dilbert says, "The turbo blower kicks in after the lubricant cycle." Dilbert says, "We're sure he's already dead, right?" The Boss says, "Help!" Alice says, "Arguably, the real crime here would be building a machine this cool and not using it." The Boss says, "Can anyone hear me?"
Saturday February 13,
2010
Tags the boss' wife, stake, died, dead, funeral, casket, mallet, surprised, spouse, looking at dead body
Transcript
Dilbert says, "Do you think he's really dead?" Alice says, "I brought a wooden stake just in case." Dilbert says, "Me too, just in case the afterlife rejects him." Wally says, "It's legal, right?" Alice says, "Uh-oh." Dilbert says, "Spouse?" Wife says, "Did anyone think to bring a mallet?"
Monday February 15,
2010
Tags dead, afterlife, evicted, management, teach, learn, consultant, devil, late, status report, locusts, business
Transcript
The Boss says, "Technically, I was dead for a week. But I was evicted from the afterlife and had to come back." The Boss says, "The afterlife has a lot to teach us about management. I brought home a consultant." Dilbert says, "I might be late with my status report." The Boss says, "Do you know what locusts taste like?"
Sunday February 10,
2008
Tags personality predictor, judge career, dead end job, matches, lack of potential, sample question, angry loner, embezzler, lazy, label yourself
Transcript
The Boss: We'll be using the Dogbert personality predictor index to judge your career potential. Then we'll leave you in the dead end job that most closely matches your lack of potential. Here's a sample question... How would other people describe you? A)Angry loner B) embezzler C) lazy Dilbert: That's not enough choices! Dogbert: Says the angry loner. The Boss: You have thirty minutes to give yourself a label that will haunt you for the rest of your life. Wally: Would you say I'm more of an unidentified hominid or an inappropriate toucher?"
Sunday September 28,
2008
Tags answer technical question, bad actor, best person, fake own death, helping customer, insult dead, just a quick question, polite, safest course, work that divison, commercial sales
Transcript
A man says, "Hi, I'm a customer of your commercial sales division." "The man says, "I heard you would be the best person to answer a technical question..." Dilbert says, "I don't work in that division." The man says, "I know. It's just a quick question." Dilbert says, "If I tell you something different from what the commercial division tells you, I'll get in trouble." Dilbert says, "But I'll also get in trouble for not helping a customer." Dilbert says, "My safest course of action is to fake my own death." The man says, "You're a bad actor." Dilbert says, "It isn't polite to insult the dead."


