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Client: Your network product appears to be a shoe box full of twigs and leaves. Sales engineer: Hoho! Just wist util my engineer does his magic and integrates it with your network! Make it look like another vendor's fault.
Sales Engineer I've successfully integrated our product with your network." "It might look as if all I did was run a Cat5 cable through a shoebox full of twigs and leaves." "Is that all you did?" "A Cat6 cable would be overkill."
Boss: Experts say that doing mindless and repetitive tasks is a good way to spur creativity. That means you must be the most creative person in the office. Did you come up with any ideas? Carol: Yup. So far, I've come up with over seven hundred ways to dispose of your body.
Dilbert: I assume we pay you based on how much you increase our social media hits. Consultant: No. My fee is whatever I think you're dumb enough to pay for ambiguous outcomes. Dilbert: Either hope just left my body or the popcorn is getting chatty. Social media expert
Boss: Carol, if you have any issues, just be honest. Don't let anything fester. Carol: I hate every subatomic particle in your pale, doughy body. I hope the tree of knowledge falls on your head so you die ironically. Boss: I need to rethink my no-festering rule. Carol: Tree of knowledge... get it?
Spaceman: Greetings, Troglodytes. I am from the millennium generation." "I was forged in the digital age. I will use my knowledge of myspace.com and youtube and e-mail to rule this planet. Buwha-haha!!!" Dilbert: Wow, you're right. He doesn't have much upper body strength." Trash
Dilbert says, "I created an anti-Dilbert, but I don't know how to prevent him from being annihilated by matter when he leaves the vacuum." The Garbageman says, "If you don't know how to do it, and he's the anti-you, that means he knows how." Anti-Dilbert says, "Matterscreen, SPF 50. Duh."
Wally says, "I invented a sink that attaches to my body. The faucet is activated by your voice." The Boss says, "Wally, what possible use could this stupid thing have? I need you to do some real work." Wally says, "What? I can't hear you when the water is running!"
The Boss says, "I found a way to keep our best talent from leaving." Dilbert says, "Wow! You found a way to interface a human brain with a robot body to get the best of both!" The Boss says, "Actually, it's just a cool display case, but your thing would be good too."
Asok says, "Am I interrupting anything important?" Asok says, "Oh no. I have seen this before. You are preparing to put your body language at odds with your words!" The Boss says, "I always have time for my least important employee." Asok says, "My endocrine system is shutting down!"