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Dogbert: "I need a name for my company, then I can film the infomercial." Dilbert: "I assume you want a name that will help disguise your treachery." "Not so much." TV: "And now a word from the CEO of Krap2idiots." Dilbert: "Catchy." "Shhh..."
The Boss: all shredders are nbeing centralized at our corporate headquarters. If you need something shredded, give it to ask. Dilbert: dude, I think he meant you would take it to the shredders. Asok: mouth....so...dry
A man says, "We need a plan for making our plan." The man says, "Then we need to plan the plan's planny plan." A police officer says, "Have you seen this man?" The Boss says, "Sigh. There goes another employee of the month."
Dilbert: "Can I order some pens?" Carol: "No, it's impossible." "You need a pen to fill out the pen request form. And if you have a pen, you're not allowed to order one." Dilbert: "Maybe I could borrow your pen." Carol: "That sounds like some sort of parasitic arrangement."
Dilbert points to a slide and says, "My new design will meet all of our customers' current and future needs." The Boss is sitting with two board members, one male and one female. The male board member says, "That's no good; they'll never need to upgrade." Dilbert responds, "Please don't ask me to put flaws in my design." The Boss says, "Flaws could work." The male board member says, "We need flaws." The female board member says, "Flaws, flaws, flaws." Dilbert grabs his tie in fear and says, "Please.... No....." The Boss says, "Make it freeze every hour." The male board member says, "The interface needs to be more confounding." The female board member raises her finger and says, "And..." Headline: Later. Dilbert is on the floor begging, "Please... No more." A voice from the meeting continues, "... And crippling electric shocks." Headline: Much, much later. The Boss says, "The help screen could recommend marrying an unemployed, shirtless guy with a mullet." The male board member responds, "That's marketing!"
Dilbert sits in front of his computer. He screams, "GAAA!! E-mail is down!" Dilbert thinks to himself, "Don't panic...think...how would the ancients handle this?" Dilbert stands at the entrance to his cubicle and thinks, "I've got combustible materials...I can start some sort of fire." Susan walks into Dilbert's cubicle and says, "E-mail is down...Hold me." Dilbert allows Susan to hug him, holding his arms out ahead of him. He thinks, "I'll keep my arms straight out so I don't seem too eager." Dilbert continues thinking, while Susan hugs him, "This may be the least satisfying hug of my entire life." Wally walks into the cubicle and says, "E-mail is working again." Carol asks, "So, would you like to have some coffee?" Dilbert answers, "Sure! I'll be doing my e-mail. Just drop it off."
Dilbert approaches the Boss' desk with a piece of paper. Dilbert says, "I need your approval for to buy a new computer." The Boss says, "Eh! Eh!" as Dilbert speaks. The Boss replies, "There's a freeze on the capital budget. Only our CEO can approve it." Dilbert holds out the slip of paper again and says, "Could you ask him to..." as The Boss says, "Eh! Eh!" The Boss replies, "I don't want to be the guy who always asks for things." The Boss continues, "Maybe you could assemble a computer from components that are each within my approval limit?" Dilbert asks, "What's your approval limit?" The Boss replies, "Ten dollars." Dilbert says, "If you need me, I'll be in my cubicle banging my head against the wall." The Boss stands overlooking the cubicles from his office door as sounds of "Thud! Thud! Thud! come from a cubicle. The Boss thinks to himself, "This is why I keep them in soft-walled containers."