News Comic Strips - Page 7

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

162 Results for News

View 61 - 70 results for news comic strips. Discover the best "News" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #disturbing news, #outsourced, #customer service function, #india, #subcontracted, #jobs to mexico, #lowest cost provider, #pay ourselves

View Transcript

Transcript

"I have some disturbing news." "We outsourced our customer-service function to India a few years ago." "So?" "Apparently, they subcontracted the job to Mexico." "Then Mexico subcontracted to Vietnam, who subcontracted to the Philippines.." "..Who subcontracted it to us." "It turns out that we're the lowest-cost provider because we lie about our hold times." "In summary, we pay ourselves to hose ourselves." "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" "We should raise our prices?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bad attitude, #bad news, #bad perfromance, #boss meeting, #downsized, #dump, #free from tyranny, #rational, #profits

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert is standing in the doorway of The Boss' office. Catbert says, "Bad news." Catbert continues, "The employees figured out that they won't get raises next year because profits are in the dumps." The Boss gasps. Catbert's voice continues, "And they're being rational about it." Asok says to Wally, "We are free from the tyranny of having to work hard for raises." Wally exclaims, "Ooh-yah!" Wally continues, "But there's a delicate balance because we don't want to be down-sized." Wally continues, "I figure we can either have bad attitudes or bad performance but not both." Asok says, "I think I'll try having a bad attitude." Wally replies, "'I'm a bad performance man myself." Wally and Asok are sitting in The Boss' office. Wally says, "I just realized that my entire job can be done by guessing." Asok says, "Hey, dip-weed."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deliver bad news, #meet goals, #fire an engineer, #sales people, #immoral, #punish engineers, #hole puncher

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss is walking and thinking, "Sometimes a manager must deliver bad news." The boss, behind Dilbert, thinks, "Luckily I enjoy it." The boss says, "Our sales force failed to meet their goals." The boss continues, "So I have to fire an engineer to reduce expenses." Dilbert says, "What?" Dilbert says, "You should fire the incompetent sales people!" Dilber continues, "It's immoral to punish innocent engineers for the sins of sales people! I will fight this all the way!" The boss says, "I'm firing Ted. Not you." Dilbert says, "Fair enough. Can you wait until I borrow his hole puncher?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #television news, #act like idiots, #mirror, #details in mirror

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: In today's news, people all over the world continued to act like idiots. Most of the time it didn't turn out well. For details, look in your mirror.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #embarrassment, #inventions, #good news, #fuel source, #organic waste material, #awkward

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: the good news is that we're going to test a new furl source for you. The bad news is that the fun source is organic waste material. Irs awkward for me too. Just close your eyes , ok?

Co Ceo Died Kitesurfing

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Co Ceo Died Kitesurfing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #apathy, #ceos, #death, #emotions, #executives, #bad news, #publicity stunt, #margins, #died, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the Co-CEO. Dilbert: I have bad news. Your Co-CEO died trying to kitesurf some class 6 rapids for a publicity stunt. Dogbert: Get to the bad part. Is it margins?

Winning The Bid

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Winning The Bid - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bidding, #executives, #lying, #outsourcing, #projects, #winning bid, #good news, #secretly subcontract, #scream, #presentation

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The good news is that we had the winning bid for the project. The less-good news is that we don't make the product we just sold, nor could we make it for the price we bid. My plan is to put out an RFP to secretly subcontract the work to a bigger liar. CEO: That could work.

Have To Promote Wally

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Have To Promote Wally - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bad decision, #mentor, #mentoring, #promotions, #protege, #promote, #vice presdient, #good news

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: I have to promote you to vice president because our CEO has been mentoring you. Otherwise, it would seem as if he is either bad at mentoring or bad at picking people to mentor. Alice: Now what? Wally: Would you like to hear some good news that won't make you happy?

Robots Read News Of Supreme Court Ruling

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Robots Read News Of Supreme Court Ruling - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #supreme court, #partisan politics, #engineers, #morals, #legislation, #conservatism, #liberal, #guilt, #innocence

View Transcript

Transcript

Robots Read News. Robot: The Supreme Court ruled that engineers cannot be found guilty of murder. Lawyers argued that any good engineer knows how to get away with murder, so getting caught is proof of innocence. The ruling was unanimous because no one could figure out which side was the liberal one.

Boss Tweets Fake News

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Tweets Fake News - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #conversation, #mobile (cell) phones, #talk, #window

View Transcript

Transcript

The department of education asked us to talk to you about all of your tweeting. You tweeted so much fake news that the average I.Q. in the country plunged seven points. That doesn't hurt anyone. You tweeted "seat belts are designed to strangle survivors so they won't sue."