Pre Care Comic Strips - Page 7
179 Results for Pre Care
View 61 - 70 results for pre care comic strips. Discover the best "Pre Care" comics from Dilbert.com.
"The company cares deeply about the effects of long hours and stress on workers." "So they're paying nearly $200 to have an expert on stress-reduction give a talk during lunch." "Just when you think they don't care, something like this comes along." "It's scheduled for lst Tuesday."
The Boss: "You're fired, Wally. But since we care, we've contracted an outplacement agency to help you." The Boss: "You'll get your own cubicle. And you can make all the photocopies you want!" Wally: "What would I want to photocopy?" The Boss: "Food stamps, dollar bills, that sort of thing."
Wally says to Dilbert, "Allow me to introduce Loud Howard." Howard, a man with a huge mouth, shouts, "Hi!" Wally says, "I will make Loud Howard your cubicle neighbor in the new office unless you give me your immortal soul!!" Howard shouts, "Nice day!" Back at home, Dilbert and Dogbert lie on the couch. Dilbert says, ". . . Fortunately I convinced him to take my laser printer instead . . ." Trying to read a book, Dogbert says, "What did I say that sounded like 'Tell me about your day?'"
Dilbert stands across from the Boss's desk. The Boss tells Dilbert, "This is a very interesting employee suggestion." Dilbert replies, "Thank you, sir." The Boss says, "If I read this correctly . . ." The Boss continues, "You observed that everybody is smarter than his boss . . ." Dilbert says, "Exactly . . . So we all just switch jobs with our bosses and boost productivity by 200 percent!!" The Boss says, "I've decided to do a limited trial . . ." A janitor enters the room and tells Dilbert, "Something died in the stairwell. Take care of it."
The strip is titled, "Dogbert's guide to your tax dollars." A vacuum cleaner sucks up dollar bills. Dogbert says, "Did you ever wonder how all that tax money gets spent? Roll the tape." The caption says, "Inventing secret things." Two scientists look at a device. One of them says, "It doesn't look like much, but it'll smart like crazy if you sit on it." The caption says, "Sending secret things into space." The other scientist says, "Maybe we'd better classify it secret and send it into space with the other stuff." The caption says, "Education." A teacher says, "Sex will kill you, food will kill you, smoking will kill you, alcohol will kill you, drugs will kill you . . ." The children sitting at their school desks look frightened. The caption says, "Art grants for things you aren't open-minded enough to appreciate." Dilbert looks at a shoe sitting on a pedestal. The artist says, "I call it 'The Bug I Hated.'" The caption says, "Advanced health care." Two doctors stand next to a bed where a skeleton lies. One physician says, "You were right, Benson. X-rays and microwaves are not the same thing." The caption says, "Paying Congress." A senator says, "Our raises came through!" Another says, "I think I'll send myself a thank-you note!"
Wally sits across from Dogbert's desk. Dogbert says, "You can't expect your employer to take care of you forever, Wally." Dogbert continues, "Don't expect raises, don't expect to be trained and don't expect a pension." Wally reaches for a jar on the desk and says, "That's depressing. I need a sourball." Dogbert says, "Those are marbles wrapped in cellophane."
Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss says, "Let's have a little premeeting to prepare for the meeting tomorrow." Dilbert says, "Whoa! Do you think it's safe to jump right into the premeeting without planning it?" The Boss, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Okay, let's get this preliminary premeeting meeting going." Wally says to Dilbert, "You think you're funny, but you're not."
The Boss and Dogbert sit at a conference table. Dogbert says, "When the year 2000 comes, your computers will think it's the year '00' and cause major problems." Dogbert continues, "The Dogbert Consulting Company can fix the problem for only ten million dollars. Our work is guaranteed for one full year, starting today." The Boss says, "But why would I care? The year '00' is before I'm born." Dogbert says, "Amazing . . . You'd actually have to be SMARTER to do something STUPID."
The Boss and a man sit at a conference table. The man says, "Your product looks good, but you can't be our supplier unless your company is ISO 9000 certified." The Boss asks, "So . . . You don't care how bad our internal processes are, as long as they're well-documented and used consistently?" The man replies, "That's right." The Boss says, "Our documented process says I must now laugh in your face and double our price."
Dilbert carries a monitor. A man says, "Hey, that's a union job. Put it down or I'll file a grievance." Dilbert says, "I'm only moving it ten feet. If I wait for a union person, I'll be unable to do my job for a week." The man says, "Watch me not care." Dilbert wears a hooded black suit and holds a grappling hook. Dogbert says, "If anyone sees you move the PC tonight, try saying you're Johnny Cash." Dilbert says, "Maybe I should just use the elevator."