Reference Group Comic Strips - Page 7
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"From now on, I prefer that you not refer to my genus by the derogatory word 'rat'." "The correct word is 'rattus'. It is the right of any group to define its own name. You must respect that." "Don't call me a dog anymore. From now on my correct name is 'smarter-than-a-stupid-rattus'."
Dilbert: In 'diversity sensitivity' training you will learn to respect those who are different. DOgbert: People basically fall into these four groups. ugly smart cute smart ugly stupid cute stupid Dilbert: This is different than I expected. Dogbert: I notice that all of you are in this box here.
"I got a job as the head of market research at your company. I'll be pulling down $120 K per year." "I don't value otehr people's opinions so I'll just use my own." "Just for reference, how much does honesty pay these days?" "Shut up."
The Boss says to an employee, "The employee surveys indicate some dissatisfaction in my group. That affects my pay." The Boss continues as the man frowns, "You're my grumpiest employee, so I'm going to fire you to bring up my average score for morale." The Boss walks away thinking, "I think I'm getting better at all the touchy-feely stuff."
The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "I'm going to make your group a 'self-managed team.'" The Boss continues, "All of the vital management tasks that I've been doing will now be shared among you." Dilbert says to Wally and Alice, "Stop your work and give me a status report." Alice says, "Track your time." Wally says, "I think I'll kiss some butts."
The Boss stands with his arm on Wally's shoulder. The Boss says, "Congratulations, Wally. I've selected you to head up our campaign for 'United Charity.'" The Boss says, "I chose you not only because you're the least valuable member of our group, but also because you're so darn pitiful." Wally looks distraught and clutches his tie. The Boss walks away thinking, "Honesty is the best policy unless it's being done to you."
A co-worker says to Dilbert, "Reliable sources say your project will be canceled, Dilbert." The co-worker continues, "You should abandon it now and come work on MY project. When my big promotion goes through next month, I'll transfer you to my group and give you a raise." Dilbert says, "That's very tempting except for the fact you're a pathological liar." The co-worker waves his hands and says, "Be careful what you say - I have super powers."
Dogbert, Dilbert, Alice, Wally and the Boss sit at a round table. Dogbert says, "In this team-building exercise you will make paper dolls while blindfolded." Dogbert continues, "This may seem absurd. But soon, cognitive dissonance will set in and you'll cry and hug and think you learned something." The members of the group, now blindfolded and working with scissors, begin their work. As he is about to cut his hand with the scissors, Dilbert asks, "Are you sure we'll cry and hug?" Dogbert answers, "Actually, hugging is iffy."
The Boss, Dogbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss points at Dogbert who is growling and says, "I've asked Dogbert to get rid of our most troublesome customers." Dogbert says, "Ten percent of your customers account for ninety percent of your service costs. They must be eliminated." Alice asks, "Is that the same group of customers who actually USE our product?" Dogbert replies, "Plus the ones who were injured unpacking it."
Dogbert stands on a conference table next to a laptop and an overhead projector. He says to the Boss, Alice and Wally, "I've reduced your service costs by giving the technical-support group an unlisted phone number." Dogbert continues, "And a flaw in your product disables the customer's e-mail; they can't even write to you for help!" The Boss asks, "What if they ask a friend to e-mail us?" Alice responds, "People who use our product don't have friends." Wally asks, "Really? I use it."