Twenty Comic Strips - Page 7
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70 Results for Twenty
View 61 - 70 results for twenty comic strips. Discover the best "Twenty" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday August 29,
2017
Pat Yourself On The Head
Tags #reward, #prizes, #reimbursement, #expense report
Transcript
Boss: I'm naming you employee of the month. Your prize is twenty dollars cash and a pat on the head. Give yourself twenty dollars and submit an employee reimbursement request. Dilbert: Can I pat myself on the head, too? Boss: I was hoping you would offer.
Monday September 04,
2017
A Wally Robot
Tags #robot, #modernity, #technology, #automation, #coffee
Transcript
Asok: Do you worry that a robot will someday take your job? Wally: Nah. No one will build a robot that does nothing but drink coffee. Man: It does nothing but drink coffee. It can replace twenty percent of your workforce. Boss: I like it.
Sunday October 22,
2017
Transcript
Dilbert: Don't finish the software patch. We're replacing the entire system. Man: Why didn't you tell me sooner? Dilbert: I just found out. Man: While you were standing here. Dilbert: Um, no, I was standing somewhere else. Man: When? Dilbert: Twenty minutes ago. Man: Aha!!! You wasted twenty minutes of my time because you're a terrible person! Dilbert; I'm sorry. Now I feel awful. Man: You're just lucky I forgot to work on that patch.
Thursday October 12,
2017
Dilbert Is Bad At Negotiating
Tags #negotiating, #haggle, #trick, #deception
Transcript
Dilbert: I want you to lower your price, but I don't know how to negotiate. Man: It's easy. All you need to do is offer to pay more than the list price and wait for me to counteroffer. Dilbert: Okay... I'll pay twenty percent over the list price. Man: You win! Sign here.
Friday May 25,
2018
Bossercize
Tags #exercise, #personal trainer, #fitness, #bossercise, #criticism, #managers, #health
Transcript
Narrator: Dogbert The Personal Trainer. Dogbert: I invented a fitness routine I call Bossercise. It mostly involves strutting around the office and criticizing people. Boss: You incompetent fool! Dogbert: Give me twenty more reps.
Wednesday June 20,
2018
We Need To Talk
Tags #contradiction, #argument, #disagreement
Transcript
Boss: The software upgrade will be ready by Friday. Dilbert: Actually, that's when we will start writing it. Boss: And it will save us twenty million dollars. Dilbert: Actually, it will cost a million dollars and save nothing. Boss: We need to talk. Dilbert: We do? I'm not feeling that.
Monday October 08,
2018
Carol Can't Get The Printer To Work
Tags #carol, #Dilbert, #printer, #work, #priorities, #yammering
Transcript
Carol: I can't get the printer to work can you help? Dilbert: Sure, I'll be there as soon as I finish my twenty-seven tasks that are all higher priorities. Carol: How long will that take? Dilbert: I got three new tasks while you were here yammering.
Sunday February 17,
2019
Tags #distraction, #exercise & fitness, #frustration, #lunch, #office workers, #time, #walking, #coworkers
Transcript
Dilbert: Would you like to take a long walk with me at lunch to get some exercise? Tina: That's a great idea! Dilbert: Okay, I'll come get you at noon. Ready? Tina: Yes, I only need ten minutes to finish this. Dilbert: I only have an hour for lunch, and your ten minutes will turn into twenty. Tina: That's okay because I wore heels today and I can't walk more than a block anyway. Dilbert: Why did you agree to take a long walk if you couldn't take a long walk? Tina: Because I was planning to walk to the store on the corner to do an errand anyway. Dilbert: You've ruined my walk! Tina: Just give me forty minutes to wrap this up.
Tuesday November 26,
2019
Conference Call
Tags #office workers, #business, #conference call, #meeting, #useful, #don't care
Transcript
wally: how did your conference call go? dilbert: normal. it took us twenty minutes to get everyone connected, followed by forty minutes of garbled speech that no one understood. the meeting ended when everyone got tired of pretending something useful was happening. wally: i didn't really care.
Thursday April 02,
2020
To Do List
Tags #business, #list, #self management, #success, #tasks, #to do list, #Win
Transcript
dilbert thinking: i accomplished fifteen tasks on my to-do list today. that leaves only seven hundred tasks, not counting the twenty-three i added today. dilbert to dogbert: i wonder what winning feels like. dogbert: it's great.