Bug Bonus Comic Strips - Page 7

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118 Results for Bug Bonus

View 61 - 70 results for Bug Bonus comic strips. Discover the best "Bug Bonus" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bonus, selling stuff, customer, can't pay, sociopath

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Dilbert: "Today I got a bonus for selling stuff to a customer who probably can't pay." Dogbert: "Does your soda taste any less delicious?" Dilbert: "No." Dogbert: "Congratulations, you're a sociopath." Dilbert: "It feels kinda good."

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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags regular goals, stretch goals, sacrifice health, personal life, criminal conduct, bonus, salaries below budget, ultra stretchy, employee rights, taken advantage, cheat employee

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"Here are your regular goals and here are your stretch goals." "What's the difference?" "The regular goals can be achieved by sacrificing health and your personal life." "The stretch goals require all of that plus some sort of criminal conduct." "I'm guessing that your boss gave uou the regular goals and you came up with the stretch goals on your own." "That way, When I achieve the regular goals you'll get a raise because I missed the stretch goals." "Then you'll get a bouns for salaries below budget." "Maybe we should talk about the ultra-stretch goals later."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags watch my shows, invite me over, cable, pulled, bug in salad

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Dilmon: "While you're here, be a dear and run some CAT-5 to my walk-in closet so I can watch my shows when I'm in there." Dilbert: "I've notived that you only invite me over when you need a cable pulled." Dilmon: "I don't want to put a bug in your salad, but I will." Dilbert: "I'm glad we had this talk."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags company lawyer, contract, reasonable man, interpretation, squash, bug

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"Company Lawyer." "This contract would be subject to a 'reasonable man' interpretation." "Where is this guy? I'll squash him like a bug!" "Okay, moving on..." "It's you! I knew it!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"I didn't think it was possible, but for the past month I've done my own job plus Ted's, and done them well." "I know that you're marveling at my accomplishment and wondering how you can reward me." "Maybe I can fire Carl and make this idiot do his job too." "I'll be we're thinking of the same bonus amount!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags buiness stragey, list, past years, no afraid of change, deserve bonus, generous, good looking, rhetorical question

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Our new business strategy is... "Hold on." "I made a list of all of our strategies for the past five years." "There have been seventeen of them." "What does that tell us?" "That I'm not afraid of change." "And that I've been working hard and I deserve a huge bonus." "And that I'm kind and generous and good looking." "You have to give him credit. The man knows how to answer a rhetorical question."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Our CEO got a $400,000,000 bonus this year. Can I get that too?" "Wally, he got that much because he's a million times more important than you." "Fair enough. Can I have the $400 that you say I'm worth?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Did you fund the infrastructure project yet?" "Nope." "I'm playing budget chicken with the director of operations." "I'm hoping that his department needs the infrastructure more than we do." "If I can bluff him into funding the project with his budget instead of mine, I win." "He'll be reprimanded for exceeding his budget and I'll get a bonus for being under mine." "I'll use the bonus to buy a summer cabin by the lake." "Then I'll e-mail him pictures of my cabin and say, 'I hope you're enjoying your infrastructure as much as I'm enjoying my cabin!'" "You've reached a new low." "I've been thinking of firing you so I can get a fishing hat."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Our CEO is here to answer any of your questions about our restatement of earnings." "Will you return your $25,000,000 bonus from last year, now that you acknowledge it was unearned?" "And what's your name?" "Dilbert."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags board of directors, underling, powerpoint, slides, preoccupied, day jobs, mistresses, bonus, meeting, ceo, all in favor, business

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CEP presents to the board of directors CEO: An underling made these powerpoint slides and I don't understand them. But it doesn't matter because all of you are too preoccupied with your day jobs and mistresses to pay attention. Who votes to give me a huge bonus just to end this meeting?" Aye Aye Aye