Become Consultants Comic Strips - Page 7

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186 Results for Become Consultants

View 61 - 70 results for become consultants comic strips. Discover the best "Become Consultants" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 20, 1995's comic on:


Tags #dogbert the consultant, #reorganize, #core comeptency, #giving money, #consultants

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The Boss sits across from Dogbert's desk. Dogbert says, "I recommend that you reorganize to strengthen the core competency of your company." Dogbert continues, "As luck would have it, your core competency is 'giving money to consultants.'" The Boss says, "I don't think that's the ONLY thing we're good at." Dogbert responds, "It depends on if you count 'whining.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 16, 1996's comic on:


Tags #billionaire, #charity work, #contribution, #fine arts, #software company

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Dilbert sits on the couch and Dogbert stands on the armrest. Dogbert says, "After I become a billionaire from my software company I'll do a little dance." Dogbert dances on the armrest and sings, "I'm so rich / It's me you hail / If I'm obnoxious / Kiss my tail." Dilbert asks, "Do you plan to do any charity work?" Dogbert replies, "Let me put it this way - you just saw my contribution to the fine arts."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 24, 1996's comic on:


Tags #become mimes, #blame the mimes, #debug, #elbonia, #four million dollars, #one million dollars, #quality assurance, #software, #programmers, #engineering

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Dilbert points to a diagram on an overhead projector. Dilbert says to the Boss, "You saved one million dollars by having programmers in Elbonia write software for us." Dilbert continues, "But we wasted four million dollars trying to debug the software." Dilbert continues, "And the entire staff of our quality assurance group quit to become mimes." The Boss responds, "Let's blame the mimes; they won't talk."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 27, 1996's comic on:


Tags #biggest problem, #databases, #dwell on negative, #network, #probelm, #tracking database

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The Boss, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I just got our consultant's report. He's identified our biggest problem." Wally says, "I recommend that we build a tracking database." Dilbert adds, "We can put it on the network." The Boss asks, "Would you like to hear what the problem is first?" Wally says, "I hate to dwell on the negative." Dilbert adds, "We like databases."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 11, 1996's comic on:


Tags #vending machine, #stole money, #sentenced to death, #director human resources, #desensitized, #tragic news, #execution is scheduled

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Dilbert arrives at home carrying a briefcase. Dogbert sits on the couch reading the newspaper. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Today was a bad day. First the vending machine stole my money . . ." Dilbert continues, ". . . And by the end of the day I had been sentenced to death by the director of human resources . . ." Dogbert reads and hums as he ignores Dilbert. Still reading the paper, Dogbert says, "I've become totally desensitized to tragic news!" Dilbert says, "The execution is scheduled for tomorrow. I should call in sick."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 11, 1996's comic on:


Tags #blood suckers, #coworkers, #famous novelist, #lowly tech writer, #scathing email messages, #write a book, #write witty, #dogcart career counselor

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Tina the Tech Writer sits at a table with Dogbert. Tina says, "I'm a lowly technical writer now, but my goal is to become a famous novelist." Tina continues, "My plan is to write witty and scathing e-mail messages about co-workers until a publisher gives me an advance." Dogbert says, "They might expect you to write a book at some point." Tina yells, "Blood suckers!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 20, 1996's comic on:


Tags #supreme ruler, #earth, #wondering, #dolts, #worthy, #leadership, #ego

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Dilbert and Dogbert take a walk outdoors. Dogbert says, "It has always been my goal to become supreme ruler of earth . . ." As they peer over a cliff, Dogbert continues, "But lately I've been wondering if you dolts are worthy of my leadership." Dilbert asks, "Do you think maybe your ego is out of control, Dogbert?" Dogbert replies, "I like it that way."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 12, 1996's comic on:


Tags #new logo, #sloppy, #unimaginative, #money to consultants, #little return, #too good, #opinions

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Dogbert, the Boss, Alice and Dilbert sit at a conference table. Dogbert stands on the table, holds up a piece of paper and says, "Your new logo might look like a simple coffee stain, but what does the image say about you?" Dilbert asks, "We're sloppy and unimaginative?" Alice asks, "We give lots of money to consultants and get little in return?" Dogbert looks at the logo and says, "Wow. This is almost TOO good." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Ooh ooh! How about 'Our opinions don't matter?'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 08, 1996's comic on:


Tags #supreme ruler, #earth, #go outside, #runa round, #mouth open, #fresh air, #exercise, #hate flies, #health

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Dilbert and Dogbert walk on the grass. Dogbert says, "Someday when I become the supreme ruler of earth . . ." Dilbert and Dogbert sit on a park bench. Dogbert continues, "I'll order everybody to go outside once a day and run around with their mouths open." Dilbert asks, "Because you support fresh air and exercise?" Dogbert replies, "Because I hate flies."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 03, 1996's comic on:


Tags #change master, #adaptive environment, #increase workload, #job security, #flexibility, #bad morale

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The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "If we are to succeed, you must become change masters in an ever-changing, change-adaptive environment." Wally says, "Let me get this straight . . . Every change seems to increase our workload while decreasing our job security and real earnings after inflation . . ." Wally asks, "And the problem is OUR lack of flexibility?" The Boss replies, "Not entirely. There's also your bad morale."