Break Eggs Comic Strips - Page 7

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118 Results for Break Eggs

View 61 - 70 results for break eggs comic strips. Discover the best "Break Eggs" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #greetings earthlings, #planetary annihilation, #break room, #new coffee stirrers

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"Greetings, earthling. I bring you either wisdom or planetary annihilation. The choice is yours." "Stay in the break room. I'll go get my leader." "Very well." "The new coffee stirrers are great, but I got the last one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #break even, #kudos, #motion sensors, #break room, #calculate energy

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The Boss: Kudos to Ted for his suggestion to put motion sensors on the lights in the break room. Dilbert: Hold it! I calculate that the energy savings are offset by the lost productivity of the meeting. The Boss: We have to burn the plaque for heat just to break even.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cancelled vacations, #non refundable, #tickets, #tahiti, #exception, #look skeptical, #coffee, #break room

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wally: You cancelled all vacations but I have non-refundable plane tickets to tahiti. So I should be an exception to ...the ...um....you look skeptical. Dilbert: I dont think Tahiti would let you in. Wally: why does everyone say that?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #nick name, #illusion of competence, #the wizard, #info guru, #punch more, #break room, #coffee

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Wally: I need a nickname to create the illutsion of competence.<Br>"I was thinking along the lines of "the wizard" or "info-guru."" I've never wanted to punch you more than at this very moment."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #eagles can't fly

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"Wally, the status report that you e-mailed me is blank." "That;s because eagles can't type." "What?" "The motivational poster in the break says I should be like an eagle." "The point of that poster is that your spirit should soar like an eagle while you continue to do mundane work." "Wouldn't I die if my spirit left my body to go soar?" "You're confusing your spirit with your soul." "While your spirit is soaring, your sould should remain, trapped in your body, slowly decaying while you create your status report." "Would it change anything if I got a poster that says "you want it when?!!""

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ted snadwhich, #left in breakroom, #marked ted, #lost weight, #anger, #red faced

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"I'll be right back. I'm going to grab a Ted sandwich before the meeting." "A what?" "The food people always leave one sandwich in the break room fridge labeled Ted. It tastes like ham." "You're looking good, Ted. Have you lost weight?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #desperate venture capitalist, #vjay, #business plan, #napkin, #lunch, #table, #break room, #money, #throws money

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Vijay, the World's Most Desperate Venture Capitalist "Does anyone need a napkin to write on?" "What are you thinking now? Could it be a business plan?" "TAKE MY MONEY!!! TAKE IT!!!" "He's nice."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #broken chair, #extra one, #guest chair, #unstable, #broken chairs, #upside down

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"My chair is broken. May I use your extra one?" "I don't have an extra chair." "Sure you do. It's right there." "That's not an extra chair. It's my guest chair." "Okay, whatever. The point is that the base broke off of my chair." "I can't sit on a chair that has no wheel base. It's unstable." "Stop being a baby. Just turn your chair upside-down and it will be totally stable." "When did your chair break?" "Last spring. You get used to it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #arc welder, #barrel of kerosene, #growth on neck, #health plan, #laid eggs, #pregnant termite, #quick search, #to diagnose, #use google

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Catbert: The new company health plan is Google. From now on, employees must use Google to diagnose their own illnesses. For example, this guy has a growth on his neck. Guy: I do? Catbert: A quick search on my Blackberry tells me it's... Guy: What is it?!! Catbert: Ooh. Wow. A pregnant termite crawled into your mouth and built a hive in your esophagus. Guy: GAAA!!!" "Stop being a baby. The treatment for that is... Catbert: Do you have an arc welder and a barrel of kerosene?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Some batteries in the lab leaked." "I cleaned it up, but there was no place to put all of the hazardous waste." "I couldn't put it in the regular trash or the recycling bin." "It's not legal to pour it down the drain or flush it." "So I put it between two pieces of bread and left it in the break room refrigerator." "GAAA!!!" "Not really. I just wanted to find out who's been eating my lunch." "You mean I'm not going to die?" "Not instantly."