Catbert Hr Driector Comic Strips - Page 7

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View 61 - 70 results for catbert hr driector comic strips. Discover the best "Catbert Hr Driector" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 29, 1997's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #evil hr director, #java coding, #raise salary, #spinning head, #10 years experience

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Catbert says to Wally, "I can't raise your salary level because you don't have ten years experience with 'Java' coding." Wally raises his hand and says, "Nobody has ten years experience with new technology! You're just being evil. Admit it." Catbert's head spins. Wally says, "And could you please shake your head back and forth instead of spinning it around?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 30, 1997's comic on:


Tags #contact, #important documents, #listening, #managers, #mandatory classes, #subordinates, #time mangement, #prerequisite class

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Catbert reads from a paper to the Boss. "There are several mandatory classes for managers." Catbert reads, "Avoiding contact with subordinates, Misplacing important documents, The joy of listening to your own voice." Catbert says, "Have you taken the prerequisite class in time management?" The Boss says, "Twice."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 07, 1997's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #evil hr director, #reward employees, #reward, #skip staff meeting, #alice

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Catbert sits on The Boss's desk and says, "You don't need to reward employees." Catbert says, "Just torture them less. It will feel the same as a reward." The Boss says, "You may skip my staff meeting this week, Alice." Alice leans back, claps her hands together and says, "Thank you, thank you , thank you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 09, 1997's comic on:


Tags #engineering conference, #most valuable asset, #decline, #overtime, #assets decline, #fine art, #every year, #louve, #certification of depreciation, #earned your air

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The Boss is on stage behind a podium and speaks to the crowd. "The theme of this engineering conference is..." Dilbert, Wally, and Alice sit in the front row. The Boss continues, "Employees are our most valuable asset." He says, "And lik emost assets, you decline in value over time." He says, "I know what you're thinking: Not all assets decline in value." He says, "For example, fine art is worth more every year." The Boss points to an image of Wally and says, "But I don't think the Louvre will be asking for one of these anytime soon." The Boss introduces Catbert and says, "On your way our, Mister Catbert will give each one of you a certificate of depreciation." Wally says, "It's still better than last year's theme, "Have you earned your air today?" Catbert hands Dilbert his award.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 21, 1997's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #evil hr director, #no contact, #employed, #Wally, #total loyalty

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Catbert says to Wally, "The company has no implied contract to keep you employed, Wally." Catbert says, "But we expect total loyalty out of you." Wally says, "I really, really wish you wouldn't do your face-stretching exercises here every morning." Catbert stretches his mouth out wide and thinks, "1-2-3..."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 06, 1998's comic on:


Tags #company, #knows about wally, #phone call logs, #web hits, #emails, #urine test, #college grades, #salary, #Family, #business, #money

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Catbert sits on Wally's desk holding some papers and says, "The company knows everything about you, Wally." Catbert looks in Wally's file and says, "We have logs of all you phone calls, web hits, and e-mail. We have your urine test, college grades, salary and family contacts..." Catbert says, "It's against our policy to kill employees and replace them with low paid impersonators, but I wanted you to know it's feasible."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 17, 1998's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #evil hr diretor, #company's goal, #double efficiency, #downsize, #marketing, #good at math, #business

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Catbert says, "The company's goal is to double the efficiency of all employees." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Question: If we double our efficiency, won't you downsize half of us?" Alice and Wally sit on either side of him. Catbert says, "Don't talk to anyone in marketing. They aren't so good at math."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 1998's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #evil hr diretor, #personal lives, #strict dress code, #homes, #one less decision, #make every day

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At the staff meeting, Catbert says to Dilbert and Wally, "your personal lives reflect on this company." Catbert continues, "From now on, a strict dress code will be enforced in your homes." At home Dilbert says to Dogbert, "On the plus side, it's one less decision I have to make every day." He's wearing a coon skin cap, suspenders, a tu-tu and knee-high boots.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 21, 1998's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #evil hr director, #boss prevents new job, #great job, #outrageous, #bad situation worse, #human resource promise

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Catbert: Evil H.R. Director: Dilbert sits in Catbert's office and waves his hands in the air as he says, "My boss is preventing me from transfering to a great job." Catbert says, "That's outrageous! There shouldn't be any great jobs at this company." Dilbert says, "Once again, you've made a bad situation worse." Catbert replies, "That's the human resources promise."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 22, 1998's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #evil hr dircetor, #vacation policy, #more vacation days, #restroom breaks, #count as vacation, #porcelain cruise

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Catbert enters a meeting. Dilbert and the Boss are already there. Catbert, sitting between Asok the Intern and Dilbert, begins, "There's been a slight change in the vacation policy." Asok asks, "Are we getting more vacation days?" Catbert responds, "You must be new here." Catbert continues, "As you know, all vacation time must be used in the year it is earned." Catbert then says, "I realize this is not always convenient. So I've decided to be flexible." Catbert: "From now on, any time you spend in the restroom will count as vacation." The meeting is over. As Dilbert leaves, he says to Wally, "We should complain." Wally counters with, "If you need me, I'll be taking a porcelain cruise."