Claim Success Comic Strips - Page 7
202 Results for Claim Success
View 61 - 70 results for claim success comic strips. Discover the best "Claim Success" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share May 30, 2003's comic on:
In a meeting, a co-worker hands Dilbert a brochure and exclaims, "The new product brochures have already won design awards!" Dilbert responds, "That's great, but our product won't do any of the things you claim here." The co-worker crosses his arm and says, "Well, who should we believe - the award-winning designer or the guy who can't stop complaining?"
Share August 04, 2003's comic on:
"Tina, we need some customer success stories for the web site." "The closest things we have are these complaint letters. Just change a few words." "Change 'kick' to 'kiss' and this one is done, albeit disturbingly."
Share February 04, 2004's comic on:
Dilbert: "Our new chip is slower than our competition's products." The Boss: "We'll claim we're the fastest. If anyone does benchmark tests, we'll say they used old drivers." Dilbert: "Whenever I talk to you, I feel like I should be wearing a wire." The boss: "Since when is marketing a crime?"
Share April 09, 2004's comic on:
"Our accounting system is so inaccurate that we don't know how profitable anything is." "It's so bad that you could manage randomly and claim success no matter what happens." "I was looking for funding, not a hug."
Share August 18, 2004's comic on:
Product designer Dogbert: Good design is essential to you success. Thats why I empty only the best artists and design professionals. Who ate all the crayons again?! Ratbert: Intruders?
Share January 02, 2005's comic on:
"The Weekly Wally Report is bristling with tales of success." "I gave worthless input to marketing because they weren't specific about what they wanted." "I missed Alice's project meeting because she never confirmed the location." "I gave harmful advice to the sales team because they rushed me." "I ignored my email for a week because you said to focus on priorities." "And I didn't submit my budget estimates because Asok never told me what format to ues." "How can you call any of that success??!!" "Well, I'd compare it to my written objectives, but you never gave me any."
Share January 29, 2005's comic on:
Vendor: We'll build your software with all the features you want plus a few extras. Dilbert: "Or maybe you'll start late and claim there's no way to do everything by the deadline." "Then you'll say that the unfinished features aren't important and you're losing money on the deal." Vendor: "I can't hear you."
Share February 20, 2005's comic on:
Let's have a pre-meeting before your meeting with our vice president. "Don't mention any problems because he might try to fix them." "Don't say anything about budgets or deadlines because he might reduce them." "Leave out the technical stuff because it will only confuse him." "That leaves me nothing to talk about." "Perfect!" "Hello... And in summary. Are there any questions?" "Wow! That's the first presentation that hasn't made me feel nauseated or dizzy! Great job!" "Why does success make me hate humanity?" "They deserve it."
Share March 05, 2005's comic on:
Wally: "My business trip to Elbonia was a success." "If anyone tells you that I cause a civil war that plunged their society into darkness, it's a lie." The Boss: "Did you loot me anything?" wally: "I didn't know your size."
Share March 18, 2005's comic on:
Asok: The conference call was a huge sucess. "Three out of 15 people were available and only one of them forgot to call in." The boss: "So it was a phone call between two people?" Asok: "It would have been if they hadn't used the mute buttons."