Contract Employees Comic Strips - Page 7
618 Results for Contract Employees
View 61 - 70 results for contract employees comic strips. Discover the best "Contract Employees" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share December 30, 1994's comic on:
The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "I've decided that our next team-building exercise will be a paintball tournament." Alice, Wally and Dilbert think, "This is not a good thing." The Boss stands outside Dilbert's cubicle holding a paintball gun and wearing goggles. He peers around the doorway and thinks, "It's a deceptively easy sport."
Share January 12, 1995's comic on:
Dogbert sits at a conference table with a businessman. Dogbert says, "You'll use your technical expertise and I'll do the business stuff. Sign here." As the businessman signs the contract Dogbert says, "Since you're the inventor of the technology, you'll get 100% of the special decorative non-equity stock. I'll settle for all the common stock." The businessman says, "I hope we can avoid the tension that some partners experience." Dogbert says angrily, "Give me my pen, you miscreant."
Share March 02, 1995's comic on:
Alice, Wally, Dilbert and the Boss sit around a conference table. The Boss says, "We're announcing two new programs for employees." The Boss continues, "The first is a new dignity enhancement program and the second is our new random drug testing initiative." Alice says to Wally, "The clue meter is reading zero." The Boss reaches toward them holding a coffee mug and says, "You each get a handsome coffee mug as part of the kick-off."
Share March 11, 1995's comic on:
The Boss and a woman walk by Dilbert's cubicle holding folders. Leaning back in his chair to look out of the cubicle, Dilbert thinks, "Uh-Oh . . . the managers are going to another closed-door meeting." Dilbert thinks, "It must be about pay cuts or layoffs. I'm doomed. I'd better work on my resume NOW." He pulls nervously at his tie, his hair stands on end and beads of sweat fly from his forehead. The Boss sits around a conference table with three other managers. Reading from a document, he says, "Okay, so far our 'leadership vision' says 'we inspire employees to action.' Does anybody have upgrades?" Another man responds, "Nah."
Share March 15, 1995's comic on:
Dogbert sits at a conference table with the Boss and three other managers. Dogbert says, "Your stock was $30 per share when I offered to buy the company, but thanks to some timely leaks to the media your value has plunged." Dogbert continues, "However, if you sell right now I'll pay the full $30 for your stock." The Boss says, "I recommend we do it." A manager hands the signed contract back to Dogbert and says, "Done. $30 per share is more than fair." Dogbert replies, "Yeah, 'per share' would have been fair. Anybody want a copy?" The Boss looks shocked.
Share March 16, 1995's comic on:
Dogbert stands on a podium addressing a crowd of office workers, including Dilbert, Wally and Alice. Dogbert says, "As new owner of this company I hereby ban all meetings over one hour. The dress code is casual. Status reports are optional!" Dogbert continues, "No more mission statements or 'visions.' Our motto is 'have fun, satisfy customers, make money.'" Dilbert sleeps in his chair. In Dilbert's dream, Dogbert concludes his speech to the employees, "And stock options for all." Outside Dilbert's cubicle, Dogbert says to the Boss, "We can fit five more in this cubicle if we remove the chair."
Share March 17, 1995's comic on:
Dogbert sits at the Boss's desk. Dilbert and Alice stand in front of him. Dilbert says, "The rumors are destroying our productivity. We can't work with all this uncertainty." Dogbert answers, "I plan to buy proven technology and hire contract employees. You'll be gophers for the contractors until you resign in disgust and humiliation." Dilbert and Alice look scared. Dilbert asks, "Is there any way to get back to uncertainty?" Dogbert answers, "I'll see what I can do."
Share April 08, 1995's comic on:
Dilbert looks a tape measure and tells the Boss, "Just as I thought, my cubicle is two inches smaller today than yesterday!" The Boss says, "We installed real-time status adjusters in the cubicle walls. Sensors monitor your work and adjust the cubicle size according to your value." Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit in cubicles that are so small they can barely fit inside them. Wally says, "It's amazing how fast you get used to it."
Share April 22, 1995's comic on:
Dilbert sits in his cubicle holding the phone. The voice on the phone says, "To hear your urgent voice mail message press one . . . " A voice on the phone says, "This urgent message is to all employees. Please disregard the rumors of a merger with a healthy company." Dilbert looks out of his cubicle and sees co-workers running in every direction. One man yells, "Resume!" Another cries, "Where's my interview suit??!!" Dilbert thinks, "Now spooked, the herd stampedes."
Share April 23, 1995's comic on:
A man tells Dilbert, "You'll be performing a 'Turing test' on our new artificial intelligence software." Dilbert sits at a desk. The researcher continues, "Try to determine if the responses on your screen come from our computer or a human in the next room." Dilbert says, "I'll ask it to write a strategy for our company." The computer responds, "Our strategy is to visionize quality resources that enhance earnings." Dilbert thinks, "Hmm." Dilbert says, "I'll ask it how to motivate employees." The computer response says, "Reorganize often to improve focus. Redefine work as 'opportunity' and increase it daily. Take time to ask for opinions then explain why they're wrong." Dilbert tells the researcher, "It must be a computer because there's no human intelligence. Unless . . ." Dilbert looks into the next room and sees the Boss sitting at a computer. Dilbert says, "Nice try, boss."