Crime Scene Comic Strips - Page 7

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

85 Results for Crime Scene

View 61 - 70 results for crime scene comic strips. Discover the best "Crime Scene" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags pessimism, telephones, collaboration tools, trying to accomplish, bad acoustics, speaker phones, randomly agreed, better than expected, crime not committed

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: How'd your call go? Dilbert: Better than I expected. We spent the first 45 minutes trying to get our online collaboration tools to work. Then we couldn't agree on what we were trying to accomplish. I couldn't understand most of the attendees because they were on speakerphones in rooms with bad acoustics. I randomly agreed to a few things, but I don't know what. Boss: I thought you said it went better than you expected. Dilbert: It did. I go into every human encounter expecting to be framed for a crime I didn't commit. Boss: I really need to find a problem I can fix.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags discrimination, gays, laws, india, crime, born gay, intern, officially gay, gay stuff to do

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: The Supreme Court of India recently voted to uphold a law making it a crime to be born gay.* To commemorate that hopelessly ignorant decision, Asok the intern is now officially gay. Okay, we're done here. Asok: Good, because I have a lot of gay stuff to do. *essentially

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags crime victims, embarrassment, lost money, phishing scam, questioning support, stifle laugh

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss; I lost all of my money to a phishing scam. Catbert: Must... stifle... laugh. Mmmph! Pressure is building. Must contain... \\ Boss: Are you being supportive? I can't tell. Catbert: Mmmph!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, crimes, mobile (cell) phones, large screen smartphone, stealing, life of crime, chosen lifestyle

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You have a large-screen smartphone, and yet you don't work while walking from one place to another. That's like stealing from the company. Dilbert: I didn't realize I had chose a life of crime. Dogbert: And you're not even doing it right.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags annoy, annoyance, corpse, escalade, experience, inexperience, murder, premeditated murder, prototype, scientific, strangle, boss

View Transcript

Transcript

Inexperienced Guy. Coworker: Can you answer some questions about our product prototype? Alice: No, but I would be happy to strangle you with your own lanyard and put your corpse in my boss' Escalade to frame him for the crime. Coworker: That scenario is alarmingly specific. Alice: For this sort of thing, premeditated is the way to go.

Selling Bad Software Is Like Crime

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Selling Bad Software Is Like Crime - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags big business, business, criminals, user interface, software, lower tax rate, engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Our tests show that people can't figure out how to use our software. And yet we still sell it. How are we different from criminals? Boss: Our tax rate is lower.

The World Always Needs Bankers

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
The World Always Needs Bankers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags banking, big business, college, crime, debt, future, hope, job, money, robot, robots, stealing, business, education

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: My son is trying to pick a major for college. Do you have any advice? Dilbert: Well, it will take him fifteen years to pay off his student loans, but most jobs will be replaced by robots in ten. But the world always needs bankers. Carol: We're trying to steer him away from crime.

Dilbert Has Free Will

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Has Free Will - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags free will, crime, invention, murder, control, self control, guilt, innocence

View Transcript

Transcript

Police Officer: Halt! You are under arrest for killing Ted in a cafeteria fight. Dilbert: I am innocent. My brain stimulator had a software glitch that made me do it. Police Officer: But you had free will, right? Dilbert: Do I have to believe in magic just to get arrested?

Dilbert Goes To Jail

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Goes To Jail - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags guilt, innocence, cyborg, crime, criminal, fair, fairness, punishment, jail, responsibility

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: You're arresting me for killing Ted, but a bug in my cyborg components made me do it. If I go to jail, you will remove the cyborg parts that caused the trouble and punish the organic parts of me that are innocent. Police Officer: It's funny when you put it that way.

Dilbert And The Prison Gang

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert And The Prison Gang - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags prison, lawyer, attorney, Advice, plead, trial, crime, murder, technicality, guilt, legal

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Your brain stimulator invention turned you into a murderer. I will argue that you can't get a fail trial by jury of your peers because all of the people like you are already in jail for doing their own stupid stuff. And I signed you up for a prison gang. All you need to do is skin a snitch.