Crime Scene Comic Strips - Page 7
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85 Results for Crime Scene
View 61 - 70 results for crime scene comic strips. Discover the best "Crime Scene" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday August 04,
2013
Tags pessimism, telephones, collaboration tools, trying to accomplish, bad acoustics, speaker phones, randomly agreed, better than expected, crime not committed
Transcript
Boss: How'd your call go? Dilbert: Better than I expected. We spent the first 45 minutes trying to get our online collaboration tools to work. Then we couldn't agree on what we were trying to accomplish. I couldn't understand most of the attendees because they were on speakerphones in rooms with bad acoustics. I randomly agreed to a few things, but I don't know what. Boss: I thought you said it went better than you expected. Dilbert: It did. I go into every human encounter expecting to be framed for a crime I didn't commit. Boss: I really need to find a problem I can fix.
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Friday February 07,
2014
Tags discrimination, gays, laws, india, crime, born gay, intern, officially gay, gay stuff to do
Transcript
Dogbert: The Supreme Court of India recently voted to uphold a law making it a crime to be born gay.* To commemorate that hopelessly ignorant decision, Asok the intern is now officially gay. Okay, we're done here. Asok: Good, because I have a lot of gay stuff to do. *essentially
Tuesday May 20,
2014
Tags crime victims, embarrassment, lost money, phishing scam, questioning support, stifle laugh
Transcript
Boss; I lost all of my money to a phishing scam. Catbert: Must... stifle... laugh. Mmmph! Pressure is building. Must contain... \\ Boss: Are you being supportive? I can't tell. Catbert: Mmmph!
Monday May 26,
2014
Tags business ethics, crimes, mobile (cell) phones, large screen smartphone, stealing, life of crime, chosen lifestyle
Transcript
Boss: You have a large-screen smartphone, and yet you don't work while walking from one place to another. That's like stealing from the company. Dilbert: I didn't realize I had chose a life of crime. Dogbert: And you're not even doing it right.
Friday October 31,
2014
Tags annoy, annoyance, corpse, escalade, experience, inexperience, murder, premeditated murder, prototype, scientific, strangle, boss
Transcript
Inexperienced Guy. Coworker: Can you answer some questions about our product prototype? Alice: No, but I would be happy to strangle you with your own lanyard and put your corpse in my boss' Escalade to frame him for the crime. Coworker: That scenario is alarmingly specific. Alice: For this sort of thing, premeditated is the way to go.
Friday February 27,
2015
Selling Bad Software Is Like Crime
Tags big business, business, criminals, user interface, software, lower tax rate, engineering
Transcript
Dilbert: Our tests show that people can't figure out how to use our software. And yet we still sell it. How are we different from criminals? Boss: Our tax rate is lower.
Saturday August 08,
2015
The World Always Needs Bankers
Tags banking, big business, college, crime, debt, future, hope, job, money, robot, robots, stealing, business, education
Transcript
Carol: My son is trying to pick a major for college. Do you have any advice? Dilbert: Well, it will take him fifteen years to pay off his student loans, but most jobs will be replaced by robots in ten. But the world always needs bankers. Carol: We're trying to steer him away from crime.
Thursday August 20,
2015
Dilbert Has Free Will
Tags free will, crime, invention, murder, control, self control, guilt, innocence
Transcript
Police Officer: Halt! You are under arrest for killing Ted in a cafeteria fight. Dilbert: I am innocent. My brain stimulator had a software glitch that made me do it. Police Officer: But you had free will, right? Dilbert: Do I have to believe in magic just to get arrested?
Friday August 21,
2015
Dilbert Goes To Jail
Tags guilt, innocence, cyborg, crime, criminal, fair, fairness, punishment, jail, responsibility
Transcript
Dilbert: You're arresting me for killing Ted, but a bug in my cyborg components made me do it. If I go to jail, you will remove the cyborg parts that caused the trouble and punish the organic parts of me that are innocent. Police Officer: It's funny when you put it that way.
Saturday August 22,
2015
Dilbert And The Prison Gang
Tags prison, lawyer, attorney, Advice, plead, trial, crime, murder, technicality, guilt, legal
Transcript
Dogbert: Your brain stimulator invention turned you into a murderer. I will argue that you can't get a fail trial by jury of your peers because all of the people like you are already in jail for doing their own stupid stuff. And I signed you up for a prison gang. All you need to do is skin a snitch.


