Drive Comic Strips - Page 7

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View 61 - 70 results for drive comic strips. Discover the best "Drive" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #team building exercise, #security gurad, #middle of desert, #leave you there

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"Ted, I'm sending you on a team-building exercise." "A security guard will drive you to the middle of the desert and leave you there!" "And then the team will rescue me?" "Sure."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #security software, #upgrade it, #hackers, #steal identity, #bank accounts, #destroy hard drive, #cjoices

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DilMom "Your security software is out of date..." "Uh-oh." "Would you like to spend the rest of your natural life trying to figure out how to upgrade it?" "Erk!" "Or would you prefer to let hackers steal your identity, drain your bank accounts and destroy your hard drive?" "I need more choices!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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We can kick a field goal in the ninth inning if we use a full-court press. "Remember that you drive for show but you pick up the spare for dough." "Have you been helping Alice with her sports metaphors?" "Perhaps."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Is it true that you allowed a vampire to run the blood drive?" "Yes, and it takes a big man to admit he's wrong." "You admit you were wrong?" "I decided to lose weight."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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And now for another round of e-mail judo. "Let's see...This guy wants me to attend a meeting." "Eee-yah! I'll tell him I'm booked." "This guy wants some information." "Eee-yah! I'll tell him my hard drive crashed." "This idiot wants my input on his document." "Eee-yah! I'll tell him the attachment won't open." "Who's winning today?" "Not the people who sent me e-mail. Eee-yah!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Today you will wear clothes you don't want to wear." "You'll drive somewhere you don't want to be, and do things you don't want to do." "Have a nice day."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #save planet, #bad career advice, #fired, #no longer communtes, #licencse, #sell realestate

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Dilbert: One way to save the planet is to drive a fuel-efficient car. "Another way is to give bad advice to some idiot so he gets fired and no longer commutes." Dogbert: "You should get a license to sell real estate." "Really?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #being moved, #50 miles each way, #hundred

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The Boss says, "Ted, you can keep your job but your office is being moved 50 miles away." Ted says, "Gosh, I guess I could drive another 50 miles each way." The Boss says, "How about a hundred?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #agreement, #areas of expertise, #business units, #confusion, #consolidate shared services, #diagnostic review, #evil director, #from centers, #invoice, #meeting, #presentation, #business

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources man says, "My consultants can transform human resources." man says, "We'll start with a diagnostic review." man says, "Then you'll form centers of excellence around areas of expertise." man says, "Next, you'll consolidate shared services and drive continuous improvement." man says, "Business units will translate operational imperatives into HR actions. Catbert says, "Does any of that mean the same as firing idiots and cutting the budget?" man says, "Which answer gets us hired?" Catbert says, "Try yes." Man says, "Yes!" Catbert says, "Great. Put a bow on it and send me the invoice."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #demanding, #stock, #prices, #conspiracy, #idea, #alien

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Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "We need another economic bubble to drive up our stock value." Dogbert says, "Assemble the illuminati!" Man says, "As usual, I'll create the media frenzy, Dogbert will manipulate prices, and IXPU will vaporize the whistle-blowers."