End Zone Comic Strips - Page 7
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Catbert: Evil H.R. Director Catbert stands atop Wally's computer monitor and waves a new policy sheet in Wally's face. "Here's the new 'clean desk' policy, Wally." Wally reads from the sheet, "Employees must lick their workplaces clean at the end of each business day." Wally stands in the doorway to the Boss's office. He says, "Do they seriously think we're this spineless and stupid?" The Boss responds, "Ahm nah chanthing it."
Dogbert says to Dilbert, "I've asked Bob the Dinosaur to cal your CEO and give him a telewedgie." Bob holds a cordless phone. Dilbert asks, "Will that stop him from moving the company?" Over the phone, Bob says, "... now hold the phone behind you at belt level..." Dogbert says, "Stranger things have happened, albeit not often." Bob yanks the CEO's underwear through the phone, giving him a wedgie. On the other end, the CEO screams.
The Boss sits at his desk and hands a piece of paper to Alice. The Boss says, "Get my approval at each phase. Finish in one month." Alice looks at the paper and says, "Let's see.. You're on vacation next week. Then you're traveling, then there's an executive retreat..." Alice continues while the Boss appears to listen, "It takes three weeks to get on your calendar... and the project has six phases..." Alice says, "What we have here is guaranteed failure." Alice says, "You've left nothing to chance on this one." Alice says, "I mean, normally there's a bit of uncertainty, but you've..oh." Alice says, "You've slipped into the "Boss Zone" where you can't see or hear employee input." The Boss is a zombie and Alice waves her hand in front of his eyes to no effect. The Boss says to Carol, his secretary, "It's weird. I lost ten minutes, and when I woke up, my doughnuts were gone." A doughnut is stuck on each of The Boss's tufts of hair.
Marketing Department: A guy walks by a table and says, "Hey! It's a magazine!" He reaches for it. Engineering Department: A loud speaker says, "Danger! A magazine has been discovered in marketing!" Alice looks scared. Alice pokes her head into Dilbert cubicle and says, "Marketing has a magazine!" Dilbert gasps and his hair stands on end. Dilbert heads for the War Room. He says, "Gather the other engineers. We must get that magazine." Alice says, "Check." Dilbert says to Alice, Asok and Wally, "We think is was a careless mistake by someone in the mail department." Dilbert says, "As you know, there is nothing more dangerous than a marketing person with a little bit of knowledge." Dilbert points to a diagram on the dry-erase board. He says, "We know where the magazine will be read. We need nets, rope and traquilizer darts." The marketing guy starts to enter the men's restroom as a darts flies towards his neck. He thinks, "I'll have to ask engineering to build one of these space staions..."
Installing and ISDN Line Phone repairman says, "These digital phone lines require a very different instillation process." Dilbert is seated on his couch. Repairman says, "You'll have to show me your SPIDS now." Dogbert sits on table. Dogberts asks, "What happened after the slap fight?" Dilbert's shirt is ripped, Dilbert's hair stand on end. Dilbert says, "Then it got awkward."
Dogbert and Dilbert go for a walk. Dogbert says, "When you're with a woman, everything you say will lower her opinion of you." Dilbert says, "But, I can give her compliments, right?" Dogbert's ears standon end. He says, "No! That's the worst thing." Dogbert says, "Women keep a log of all compliments. They analyze the pattern to identify negative trends." Dilbert says, "Should I use my real name?"
Dilbert is walking by the Boss's office. He hears the Boss say, "I'll call you back in one hour, Irene." The Boss says, "You're in a different time zone, so you'll get the call in... um... three hours." Dilbert stops to listen. The Boss's eyes bug out in confusion and he says, "Really? You're three hours ahead? Then that means... whoa!.. you're freaking me out here!"
Dilbert looks over his cubicle wall. The Boss says, "Our user manual has a typo. Our technical support calls are going to a phone sex place." The Boss says, "Complaints are way down." Customer's House: The customer sits at his computer and says into the telephone, "Well, okay, but... has that ever worked?" The voice on the other end of the line says, "No complaints yet."
Alice says to Wally and Dilbert, "Human resources is prescribing powerful antidepressants to improve morale." Alice continues, "The label says it may cause 'unwarranted optimism about you dead-end job.'" Wally, "I gotta get me some of that."
Alice, Dilbert, and The Boss sitting at table. The Boss says, "Our top executives are in a special strategy lockup meeting." The Boss continues, "The meeting won't end until they agree on a new strategy, so it might be a while." Janitor places a broom in handle of the meeting room door and thinks, "Maybe if I wedge my broom here I won't forget where I put it."