Financial Contract Comic Strips - Page 7
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Headline: Stock Market Expert. Dogbert is seen through a TV screen. He says, "If your core holding is a falling knife, you can dollar cost average through the dead cat bounce." A man is watching TV on his couch. Dogbert's voice continues, "My secret economic model says you should change your cash allocation from 12.4% to 12.3%." Dogbert and the TV interviewer are seen through a spilt screen on the TV. Dogbert says, "My new book is, 'If you aren't churning, you aren't learning." The interviewer replies, "Don't come back."
The Boss says to an employee, "Our CEO's goal is to improve our revenue per employee. So I'm going to fire you and bring you back as a contractor." The employee responds, "Last week his goal was to reduce the number of contractors. So you cancelled my contract and hired me as an employee." The Boss replies, "Well, it looks like someone doesn't like having his cheese moved." The employee looks at The Boss skeptically.
Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss approaches and says, "Dilbert, I want you to put together the winning bid for this contract." Dilbert responds, "No problem, I'll just read the minds of our competitors and bid lower." Dilbert continues, "I'm picking up something now... But it's partly blocked by a dense mass."
The Boss says to Dilbert and Wally, "I've reduced our development costs by outsourcing the project." Dilbert responds, "Does the proposal have a huge hourly rate for any work not specified in the contract?" The Boss replies, "Why do you ask?" Wally thinks, "Stay out of it."
The Boss says to Dogbert, "Wow! You finished the project below your estimate and on time." Dogbert holds on to his tail and thinks, "Hold..Hold..." The Boss continues, "All I need are a few changes at your hourly fee, which was never specified in our contract." Dogbert still holds his tail and thinks, "Hold... Hold... Hold..." Dogbert is standing on the table, wagging his tail profusely: "WAG!"
Headline: Procurement. Dilbert says to a monkey, "I need to order a special cable for my computer." The monkey holds up a rope and says, "Ooh hoo hoo hoo!" Dilbert responds, "No. That's a piece of rope. Yes, I know it's cheaper." Dilbert continues, "Well, maybe it was a mistake to sign an exclusive contract with a rope distributor." The monkey crosses its arms and replies, "Ooh hoo hoo jerk."
Dilbert points to a slide and says, "My technology test was a huge failure because I had to use a rope as my electronic cable." Dilbert continues, "Our procurement manager is a monkey who signed an exclusive cable contract with a rope vendor." The Boss says to Dilbert, "I'd rather not take sides until I hear the monkey's version."
The Boss: as the vendor to take 20% off the price. Dilbert: Now??? You already signed the contract, The price is set in stone. The Boss: It doesn't hurt to ask. Dilbert: It doesn't? SO...although we just signed the contract, would you please lower the price 20% Ha Ha Ha!!! Geta time machine you bumpkin!!! DIlbertL GAAA!! I feel stupid and filled with self loathing....futiloty tugs at my should,,,,my guts are clenched! Good. Ask Id they'll go for 19% DIlbert: It hurts to ask!!!
Financial officer: "May I borrow your chair for a meeting?" Dilbert: "Okay, but leave your wallet, keys, company ID, and one shoe with me." Financial officer: "I'm your chief financial officer." Dilbert: "Then I also need your PDA and one sock."