Flatter Yourself Comic Strips - Page 7
170 Results for Flatter Yourself
View 61 - 70 results for flatter yourself comic strips. Discover the best "Flatter Yourself" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share February 15, 2001's comic on:
Dogbert says to Dilbert, "The key to happiness is self-delusion." Dobert says to Dilbert, "Don't think of yourself as an organic pain collector racing toward oblivion." Dilbert says, "I've never had that thought... Until now." Dogbert says, "Don't blame me; I said don't."
Share March 16, 2001's comic on:
DILBERT: DOT-COM CEO: Dilbert sits at the head of a table and children sit in seats around the table. One of the children has a baby bottle at his place. Dilbert says, "We have no profit now and we never will. You're all laid off." The child with the baby bottle asks, "Does anyone know what laid off means?" A young man says, "It must be a compliment." The young man says to Dilbert, "You're pretty laid off yourself, dude." The child offers his baby bottle to Dilbert and says, "Want a hit of this?"
Share August 23, 2001's comic on:
Dilbert and the woman from the gym are walking outside. The woman says, "We're such a mismatch that I doubt you'll ever improve yourself all the way to my level." She continues, "Maybe I could meet you in the middle by gaining thirty pounds and getting a terrible haircut." Dilbert and the woman sit on the bank of the river. She continues, "...Knock out a few teeth, wear stained clothes, chew tobacco..."
Share December 20, 2001's comic on:
The Boss says to Dilbert, "I want to move you to another cubicle but my office moving budget is shot." The Boss continues, "So I'm going to transfer you to Elbonia and then back so I can use the relocation budget." An Elbonian is on the phone. He relays a message to Dilbert: "He says the relocation budget is shot but you can mail yourself home."
Share January 12, 2002's comic on:
The manager is slapping a drunk. Dilbert says to her, "Hi. I came to apply for a server job." The manager replies, "Okay. Tell me how you would handle an abusive drunken customer like this guy." Dilbert replies, "Um.. with kindness?" The manager says, "You might want to shield yourself with a tablecloth."
Share February 28, 2002's comic on:
The Boss approaches Asok and says, "Asok, I'm putting you on our special self- monitoring program." The Boss continues, "If you have any questions whatsoever, feel free to talk to yourself." As he walks away, The Boss thinks, "I'm the master of non-monetary rewards."
Share March 23, 2002's comic on:
The Boss types, "Trie to be moor prophesional in your commudicashuns." Dilbert and Wally read the email. Dilbert giggles at his computer, "Hee Hee!" Wally says, "Let's forward it to all our friends so they can see what an idiot we work for." Dilbert says, "But you're my only friend." Wally replies, "Don't flatter yourself."
Share April 30, 2002's comic on:
The Boss says to Alice, "Alice, write a performance evaluation of yourself for me to sign." Alice replies, "What will our seven layers of management be doing while I manage myself?? Alice continues, "Sorry. I'll ding myself for that on my evaluation." The Boss says, "If you can't find me, have Carol sign my name."
Share June 27, 2002's comic on:
The Boss stops a sad employee and says, "Hey, guy, cheer up. You can choose to have a good attitude!" The sad employee replies, "I just found out I have six months to live." The Boss smiles and hands the employee a book. The Boss says, "Maybe I'm saying it wrong. Try reading the book yourself."
Share August 20, 2002's comic on:
The Boss approaches Carol at her desk and says, "Carol, I'm sending you to an executive bodyguard class." The Boss continues, "You'll learn how to pounce on a kidnapper and sacrifice yourself to keep me safe." Carol responds, "I'm taking a class called, 'inside help.'" The Boss says, "I can't reimburse for that."