Huge Profits Comic Strips - Page 7

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253 Results for Huge Profits

View 61 - 70 results for huge profits comic strips. Discover the best "Huge Profits" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 17, 1997's comic on:


Tags #uncertainty, #anxiety, #Wally, #no strength, #reorganzie, #downsize, #merger, #sarcasm, #cynicism

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Wally is driving to work. He thinks, "I have a vague feeling of uncertainty." At work Wally thinks, "It gets stronger at the office." Wally loses his balance and thinks, "The uncertainty saps my strength. My suitcase is getting heavier." Wally crawls on the floor and says, "Must.. get... to... cubicle." Wally leans back in his chair. He thinks, "The uncertainty feels like a piano on my chest." The Boss looks in on him. The Boss says, "I decided to reorganize... or downsize, unless there's a merger." Wally waves his arms about. Wally says, "I summon the unholy demons of Apathy, Sarcasm, and Cynicism!" Wally is surrounded by devils and demons. He says, "Good thinking! Reorganizations always increase profits!" The Boss thinks, "Wow. Third time today."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 15, 1997's comic on:


Tags #75 extra copies, #discuss, #huge surprise, #mordac, #request computer upgrade, #the rufuser

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Wally sits at his computer. The man standing behind him says, "I am Mordac the Refuser. I am here to dicuss your request for a computer upgrade." Mordac eats Wally's request, shoving the paper into his mouth loudly. Wally is mortified. Mouth full of paper, Mordac says, "We lotht thuh pahperwuhk.(We lost the paperwork.)" Wally holds a stack of paper and says, "That's a huge surprise. Luckily I made seventy-five extra copies."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 13, 1997's comic on:


Tags #mutual fund, #investors, #know alternatives, #huge market, #invest, #index fund, #wag hard

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Dilbert sits on the couch. Dogbert says, "I'm starting a mutual fund for investors who aren't bright enough to know their alternatives." Dogbert says, "It must be a huge market. Otherwise most people would invest in index funds." Dilbert asks, "What's an index fund?" Dogbert wags his tail and says, "Ouch, ouch!! You're making me wag too hard!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 10, 1997's comic on:


Tags #cubicle police, #living organisms, #stack of paper

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A policeman with a watchdog says to Wally, "I'm with the cubicle police. This is a safety violation. He points to a huge stack of papers. Wally says, "It's perfectly safe unless you tap it with a flashlight or a dog jumps on it." The stack of paper collapses on the cop and his little dog, too. Dilbert says, "This plays right into my theory that cubicles are living organisms."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 09, 1997's comic on:


Tags #coached well, #date, #date analyzer, #cubicle fibers, #office job

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Dilbert arrives for his date. A woman opens the door and Dilbert says, "Grunt, grunt. Absolutely right. Grunt, grunt, grunt." Dilbert says, "Grunt, grunt, grunt." She says, 'Someone coached you well for this date. You haven't said a thing I object to yet." Dilbert is strapped to a huge microscope labled, "Date-alyzer." He says, "Grunt." She stands at the control panel and says, "I see cubicle fibers... you have an office job."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 19, 1997's comic on:


Tags #project, #little snag, #north elbonian contractor, #military technology, #belligerent homelenad, #huge laser, #vaporize, #contract employees, #building workshop

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In a meetin, Dilbert says, "My project has hit a little snag." Dilbert says, "Our North Elbonian contracts stole our military technology for their belligerent homeland. They're building a huge laser to vaporize us." Alice's eyes bulge out. The Boss says, "Next year, remind me to include contract employees in the team-building workshop." Alice says, "The floor is warm!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 20, 1997's comic on:


Tags #military technology, #huge laser, #create user manual, #sing helen reddy song

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Dilbert says, ",,,The North Elbonians stole our military technology. We think they're building a huge laser to use against us." Dogbert says, "Ask Tina the Tech Writer to create a user manual for them. Remind Tina how the North Elbonians treat women." Caption: Later in North Elbonia. The Elbonians line up in front of the barrel of a large laser gun. The guy in front reads "Okay... the timer is set... we're lined up in single file.. now we sing a Helen Reddy song."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 22, 1998's comic on:


Tags #huge risk, #entrepreneur, #denail, #archival, #ceo, #humane, #bonuses

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In the company cafeteria, Dilbert and Wally are eating lunch. Dilbert says, "I'd quit and become and entrepreneur, but I don't know how they handle such huge risks." Wally, his mouth full of food, says, "Denial, probably." Alice walks up with her lunch tray and says, "We got bought by our archrival this morning." Alice sits down and says, "Their CEO says he plans to be as 'humane' as possible." Dilbert says, "He sounds nice." Wally says, 'Maybe we'll get bonuses!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 11, 1998's comic on:


Tags #silly putty, #fake beauty mark, #too much beauty, #fashion headquarters, #heroin chic, #dogs with tumors

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Dilbert is sitting in a chair and Dogbert says, 'Do you have any 'silly putty' I can use as a fake beauty mark?" Dilbert and Dogbert ist on Dilbert's bed. Dogbert has a huge lump of silly putty on his head. Dilbert holds upa mirror and says, "Maybe you should use less." Dogbert says, "There's no such thing as too much beauty." Meanwhile, at fashion headquaters... One guy looks a photograph and says, "We got away with 'heroin chic.' What's next?" The other guy says, "How about dogs with tumors?" A big pile of photos lies onthe table.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 12, 1998's comic on:


Tags #albanian factory tour, #sweat shop, #companys prodcut, #attach clamps, #cubicles, #damaged morale

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Elbonian Factory Tour: Alice and an Elbonian stand in the mud in front of a hut. The Elbonian says, "This is the sweat shop where we make your company's product." Alice takes notes. The Elbonians work with large clamps on their heads. The foreman says, "We attache huge clamps to each employee's head." Alice says, "Why?" The foreman says, "We tried cubicles, but it damaged morale."