Joe Telling Kind Comic Strips - Page 7

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View 61 - 70 results for joe telling kind comic strips. Discover the best "Joe Telling Kind" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #city soccer league, #never played, #natural instinct, #ball trajectory, #team play, #ruin concentration

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"I joined the city soccer league." "I've never played, but as an engineer I have a natural instinct for ball trajectory and passing angles." "Where does the team play?" "Coach doesn't want to ruin my concentration by telling me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #nineties woman, #man pay dinner, #slap a man, #threatening

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LIZ: I'm a nineties kind of woman. I demand equality but the man must pay for dinner. "And recent surveys show that many women my age think it's okay to slap a man." DILBERT: "Really? Did they name the man?" LIZ: "Don't make me come over there."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #tough year, #special team, #much smaller team

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"This will be a tough year for the company." "It will take a special kind of team to get by." "Go team!" "Team! Team!" "Yes!" "Specifically, it will take a much smaller team."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mister catbert, #diversity, #the worse, #german accent, #Wally, #computer issues

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Wally is in Catbert's office. Wally says, "Mister Catbert, the company is trying to force me to use a different kind of computer." Wally continues, "You're the Human Resources Director. What are you doing to stop this religious persecution??! What ever happened to 'diversity??'" Catbert responds, "The longer you verk here, diverse it gets . . . Next."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #saint dogbert, #mediate, #dispute, #computers, #desert and seek, #enlightenment, #path of computing, #plan springs, #endorsement, #contract, #end of line

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The Boss says, "I asked Saint Dogbert to mediate our dispute over what kind of computers are allowed here." Dogbert stands behind him wearing a miter and holding a scepter. Looking down from the top of a file cabinet, Dogbert raises his arms and says, "I shall go to the desert and seek enlightenment. When I return I will reveal the true path of computing." The caption says, "Palm Springs." Dogbert is at a table with a man holding a suitcase full of money. Behind the man is a woman with a sack of money. Dogbert says to the man, "You call this an endorsement contract?! Go to the end of the line!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #guy in marketing, #alter dna, #structure, #animal, #weasel, #notice change, #marketing guys, #helix, #one helix

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Dilbert and Wally are eating lunch. Dilbert says, "I told a guy in marketing that I programmed his computer to alter his DNA structure." Wally laughs, "Hee Hee." Dilbert continues, "He thinks he'll turn into some kind of animal." Wally suggests, "Tell him you set it to 'weasel.' It'll take longer to notice any change." The guy in marketing says to Alice, "Tell me the truth, Alice, can Dilbert reprogram my DNA?" Alice responds, "Yeah. You marketing guys only have one helix."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #reprogrammed dna, #marketing guys, #heavens sake, #thank you, #power of suggestion

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As they walk down a corridor, Alice says to Dilbert, "Maybe you shouldn't have told Stan you programmed his DNA through the LAN." Alice continues, "Those marketing guys believe anything. They even believe market research, for heaven's sake." As Stan approaches, Alice says, "There's no telling what the power of suggestion might do." Stan, whose facial features now resemble those of a weasel, says to Dilbert, "Well, thank you very much."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #teamwork, #egyptians, #pyramids, #slaves, #built by slaves, #shooting, #guided by ufos

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The Boss, Dilbert and Alice sit around a conference table. The Boss says, "I want us to have the same kind of teamwork as the Egyptians who built the pyramids!" Alice comments, "Some scholars believe the pyramids were built by slaves." The Boss replies, "But there's some doubt; that's all I'm shooting for." Dilbert says, "I think THEY were guided by UFOs too."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #start documenting, #market requirements, #design skills, #rewarding, #work, #doo hickey

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Dilbert and Stan from marketing sit at a conference table. As he types on a laptop, Dilbert tells Stan, "Okay, let's start by documenting your market requirements." Stan responds, "No, let's start by you telling me all the things you can design. Then I'll tell you which one I like." Dilbert says, "Work can be very rewarding. You should try it." Stan points to Dilbert's portable PC and asks, "What's that doohickey you have there?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #teds baby shower, #gift, #hand crafted items, #three holes, #paper bag, #lovely baby dress, #cheap

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At lunch, Dilbert says to Wally, "I don't know what kind of gift to buy for Ted's baby shower." Wally responds, "Hand-crafted items are good. Cut three holes in a paper bag and you've got a lovely baby dress." Dilbert says, "He might think I'm cheap." Wally holds up the table's salt shaker and asks, "Do you think the kid has a salt shaker yet?"