Lie Comic Strips - Page 7
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Character
116 Results for Lie
View 61 - 70 results for lie comic strips. Discover the best "Lie" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday April 09,
2010
Tags powerpoint proboscis, medical condition, nose grows, long nose, lie, pinocchio, close eyes, grit teeth, nose through face, pain, sting, clench fists
Transcript
Asok says, "It's a medical conditions called sympathetic Powerpoint proboscis. My nose grows when other people lie." Man says, "I'm very concerned and interested in your condition, and not just because I'm trying to sell you something." Asok says, "Please stop." Asok says, "It might sting when I pull it out."
Saturday April 10,
2010
Tags powerpoint proboscis, medical condition, nose grows, long nose, lie, pinocchio, garbage man, Advice, corporate whistle-blower, nose through garbage bag
Transcript
Asok says, "My nose grows when my co-workers tell lies." Garbage man says, "Does it whistle?" Asok says, "Sometimes, a little bit." Garbage man says, "You're evolving into a corporate whistle-blower." Asok says, "Are you lying?" Garbage man says, "Yeah, I just wanted to see it."
Monday April 19,
2010
Tags question, cubicle, fix bugs, control management software, lie, truth, square dance, ignorance, pleaser
Transcript
The Boss says, "How long will it take to fix the bugs in our control management software?" Dilbert says, "Do you want a realistic estimate that will ruin your day, or a lie that will allow your ignorance and your happiness to lock arms and square dance to the next cubicle?" The Boss says, "That second option sounds festive." Dilbert says, "I'm a pleaser."
Tuesday April 27,
2010
Saturday May 01,
2010
Tags tech support, condenscending, brain, intelligence, sit at computer, back, talk, stairs
Transcript
Dogbert's Tech Support Dogbert says, "The problem is in the part of your brain that handles intelligence." Dogbert says, "I can reboot you, but I won't lie: It's going to hurt." Dilbert says, "We need to talk." Dogbert says, "Are you near stairs?"
Saturday May 22,
2010
Tags meeting, honest feedback, strategy, lie, misperception, hate people, business
Transcript
The Boss says, "Alice, I called this meeting because you're the only person I trust to give me honest feedback on my strategy." Alice says, "It's great. It's amazing. It's the best strategy in the universe." The Boss says, "I thought you were honest." Alice says, "That's a common misperception. I just hate people."
Friday May 28,
2010
Tags tired, exhausted, research, lie, avoid work, lab report, meeting, write down, science, business
Transcript
Wally says, "I'm exhausted from all of the basic research I'm doing." Wally says, "It's too bad that the value of my work won't be quantifiable for another ten years." The Boss says, "I'd like to see your lab report." Wally says, "So? the new rule is that we write down stuff?"
Sunday May 30,
2010
Tags meeting, certification, lazy, lie, plan b, yell, passionate defense, argument, scare, wide eyes, point, shake finger, apology, business
Transcript
Wally says, "I accomplished nothing this week because I was going through certification." Wally thinks, "Don't ask. Don't ask. Don't ask." The Boss says, "Certification for? what?" Wally thinks, "Plan B: Mount a passionate defense against an argument that no one made." Wally says, "How can you say that certification is a waste of time?!" Wally says, "Without certification, management would be reduced to randomness!" Wally says, "Do you think you'd be happier just guessing who is qualified to do what? Do you? Do you?" The Boss says, "There's something wrong with you." Wally says, "Apology accepted. Next."
Friday June 18,
2010
Tags therapy, cellphone, apps, crazy, marketing, steve jobs, worried, lie down, business, psychology
Transcript
Tina says, "I can't stop buying phone apps that I don't need. Am I crazy?" Therapist says, "Yes, you are totally batspit crazy. You'll need many sessions." Therapist says, "Steve Jobs isn't the only one who can do marketing."
Wednesday July 07,
2010
Tags report, oil rigs, explode, medicine, bacteria, pharmaceuticals, government, share holder, success, lie
Transcript
The Boss says, "I'm happy to report that none of our oil rigs exploded." The Boss says, "Our children's pharmaceuticals are not tainted with bacteria, and the government is not investigating our financial practices." The Boss says, "All we're doing is quietly losing share-holder value." CEO says, "I knew it would feel like success if we kept at it!"


