Projects Fail Comic Strips - Page 7

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

188 Results for Projects Fail

View 61 - 70 results for projects fail comic strips. Discover the best "Projects Fail" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #status reprrts, #costs of projects, #business plan, #budget, #throw on pile

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: "Lately I am overcome with doubt that you read my status reports." The Boss: "Asok, the biggest value of a status report is that it makes you consider all the costs of your project." Assok: "Actually, that is the biggest value of a business plan or a budget." The Boss: "Whatever. Throw it on the pile."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #products saftyproblem, #murderer, #killer, #swallowed a squirrel, #scone

View Transcript

Transcript

Ask: "Alice, if I fail to blow the whistle on our product's safety product, I will be like a murderer!" Alice: "No, technically you'd be more like a killer, you wuss." Asok: "My guts feel like I swallowed a squirrel." Alice: "You have totally sucked the flavor out of this scone."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lisa, #woman, #happy owman, #nice woman, #engineers liked, #appaorachable, #cubicle, #gifts, #poems, #Food, #replacing

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "Now Dilbert will explain what went wrong with our projects this year." DILBERT: "All of our problems were caused by a woman named Lisa." "Lisa never learned to act aloof and unapproachable. Sometimes she smiles and men she doesn't even know." "Gasp." "Gasp." "As you know, 90% of engineers are lonely men." "A permanent line formed outside her cubicle." "The engineers brought her food, gifts and poems that weren't as funny as they'd hoped." "Food, Gifts, Poems (bad)." "I recommend replacing Lisa with someone more like this." Alice: "What's THAT supposed to mean?" Asok: "My poems aren't funny?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #five projects, #deliverables, #motivational email, #slacker, #coffee cup

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Is it okay if I take on five new projects and ten deliverables? The Boss: um....okay. My motivational email messages are working, Alice: Can you help... Wally: whoa! don't know how many projects I have?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sexy project, #boost career, #sound good better job, #nano tech nology, #fighting terrorists

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: I need to be managing a sexier project to boost my career. \it only has to sound good and not fail until I geta better job. How about a nanotechnology set cell for fighting terrorists? Dilbert: O-O-OKay.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #project caribou, #new chip, #prorc, #muskrat project, #project meerkat, #names of projects, #too similar

View Transcript

Transcript

"We need more staff for prject Cribou.' "No. You're thinking of project Caribbean." "Caribou is like project muskrat but with lower P.R.O.R.C." "P.R.O.R.C?" "Projected return on research capital." "Is muskrat the enterprise software project?" "Um... No... That would be project muskrat." "Cancel project musk ox, move the staff over to project zebra, delay panda and sdquirrel and give me a status report on probosics monkey." "We don't have any projects with those names." "How's that my fault?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #projects budget, #ten percent, #no thinking, #picke dnumber, #cutting hours worked, #36 hours, #affect result

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss: I have to cut your project's budget by ten percent. Dilbert: "Ten percent??" dilebrt: "That's the sort of round number you would pick if you did no thinking whatsoever." The boss: "Anything can be cut by ten percent without affecting the result." Dilbert: "Cool! I'm cutting back to 36 hours per week!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #design plan, #questions, #egyptian hieroglyphocs, #patent, #hieroglyphics, #ancient egyptians, #microchips patent laws

View Transcript

Transcript

"And that's my design plan. Are there any questions?" "It reminds me of Eqyptian Hieroglyphics. Are you sure they didn't patent it?" "Um...I don't think that's likely." "But there's still some risk?" "First of all, I didn't use Hieroglyphics. Secondly, the ancient Egyptians didn't have microchips. Thirdly, they didn't have patent laws." "Good point. " "Oh yeah? Then how did they build pyramids?" "Do some research on that question and get back to us next week" "Next on the agenda: why do our projects take so long?" "What?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #wrong budget, #no probelms, #unrealitic, #failure, #deceptive forecstas, #believe the lie, #deception, #optimism, #few hours, #perfect budget

View Transcript

Transcript

"This budget would only work if the project encountered no problems whatsoever." "So?" "All projects have unexpected problems. Therefore, this budget is almost certainly wrong." "Leaders do not plan for failure." "Do leaders make deceptive forecasts and later act shocked when things don't work out?" "No." "A leader first makes himself believe the lie, thus turning deception into an inspiring form of optimism. Observe." "GAAA!!! BELIEVE! BELIEVE!" "The swelling will go down in a few hours. Then we'll have a perfect budget." "What?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #minor success, #chance corporate ruination

View Transcript

Transcript

The project has a 70% chance of minor success and a 30% chance of corporate ruination. The Boss: I like those odds. when can we start. Dilbert: Start? I wish we had ten more projects like this one.