Prove Stupid Comic Strips - Page 7

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301 Results for Prove Stupid

View 61 - 70 results for prove stupid comic strips. Discover the best "Prove Stupid" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 30, 1994's comic on:


Tags #exaggerating accomplishments, #failing, #monkey, #more humiliating, #stupid monkey, #typical, #zimbu, #animals

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The Boss: Our CEO cancelled his visit, He's sending his top aid, ZIMBU the monkey in his place. Dilbert: Isn't that typical? I spent a week exaggerating my accomplishments for this now he sends a stupid monkey! what could be more humiliating than trying to suck up to a monkey? Monkey: Failing at it?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 21, 1994's comic on:


Tags #proposal, #alternatives, #lobby government, #tax breaks, #idiot run businesses, #quit job, #new career, #handing out towels, #cow chips, #bull shit

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The boss: Your proposal doesn't address the alternatives. Dilbert: There aren't any reasonable alternatives. The boss: There are always alternatives! Give me alternatives!! No wonder nothing gets done around here - not enough alternatives. typing: "we could lobby the government to give tax breaks to all idiot run businesses" "I could quit this stupid job and start a new career handing out towels at the gym" "Or we could use cow chips instead of microchips and save millions" The Boss: whats a cow chip? Dilbert: This job would be an example.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 06, 1994's comic on:


Tags #phone poll, #Dogbert, #voting twice, #each call costs, #money making, #opinions

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"People are so stupid they should pay me to listen to their opinions." "If you disagree, you can call my phone poll at 555-Dog-BERT. Each call costs two dollars." "I'm voting twice."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 26, 1994's comic on:


Tags #saint dogbert, #priority matrix, #agenda

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"I invited Saint Dogbert to bludgeon anybody who strays from the agenda into something stupid." "That reminds me of the productization of our Tiger Team's priority matrix." "Actually, that was on the agenda." "Oops. Carry on."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 09, 1994's comic on:


Tags #ask dilbert, #attractive, #bad hair, #engineers can't lie, #hairdo, #insults woman, #make ship date, #technical questions, #truth, #bugs are features

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"I brought Dilbert, in case you have any technical questions about our product." "Heh-heh...engineers don't know how to lie. The truth will be mine." "Uh-oh." "Ted said your product is bug-free. Is that true Dilbert?" "Well, yes, that's true." "I mean, basically true. Technicaly true. Sort of." "No-o-o!! It's a lie! All the bugs were reclassified as security features just to make the ship date!!" "And we both think you could be attractive if you'd just do SOMETHING with your hair." "Why did I bring you along?" "The evidence suggests that you're stupid."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 27, 1994's comic on:


Tags #dogbert ethics advisor, #prodcut, #mail people, #high fees, #procedure, #ethics advice, #return stupid prodcut

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"Dogbert: Ethics Advisor" "We mail our product to people and tell them it's free for one year." "Then we start nailing them with high fees because they'll forget the procedure for returning the product. They're trapped." "So, did you have some ethics advice?" "No. I asked you here so I can return your stupid product."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 30, 1994's comic on:


Tags #trap set, #dogbert sniffs, #thief found, #set up, #decoy lunch, #synthetic female hormones, #wally boobs, #caught, #busted, #theif

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Dilbert: "Exhibit 'A' is my empty lunch bag, last seen full." "Only the people in this room had the motive and the opportunity." "Inspector Dogbert will investigate." Dogbert: "Sniff. You were in the mail room with Willy the mail boy all morning. You are innocent." "Sort of." "Sniff. I give you a 'C+' for hygiene but you did not take the lunch." "Sniff. Bologna...potato chips...carrot sticks...ha!!!" "This is the thief who took the decoy lunch...which we laced with synthetic female hormones!" Wally: "You can't prove anything!" Dogbert: "Is there something you'd like to get off your chest?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 1994's comic on:


Tags #physical intimidation, #smack face, #stupid, #manage by intimidation, #mob menatlity, #gets smacked

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "I've decided to manage by physical intimidation. If somebody says something stupid I'll just smack them." Dilbert says, "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." The Boss hits himself in the head. Dilbert thinks, "On the other hand, maybe I should give it a chance."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 28, 1994's comic on:


Tags #bring strangers in, #test product, #strangers are stupid, #good candy

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The Boss, Dilbert and a man with an eye patch sit at a conference table. The man says, "Sure, we could bring some strangers in to test out product for ease of use . . ." The man continues, "But that could take all afternoon and cost at least a hundred dollars." The man continues, "And all it proves is strangers are stupid." The Boss says, "Sometimes they have good candy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 22, 1995's comic on:


Tags #protects webs prodcuts, #engineer, #pads schedule, #six months, #build prodcut, #play doom, #computer, #add people, #tiny empire, #eighteen months, #sales people, #irrational desire, #beta test, #technology, #engineering

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Dogbert holds a pointer and stands next to the caption, "How Nature Protects Weak Products." The caption says, "First, the engineer pads his schedule." Dilbert and the Boss sit at a conference table. The Boss asks, "Six months?" Dilbert replies, "At least." Dilbert thinks, "One month to build the product and five months to play 'Doom' on my computer." The caption says, "Then the manager pads the schedule as a clever negotiating ploy." The Boss tells an executive, "One year . . . Unless you add people to my tiny empire." The caption says, "Then the vice president pads the schedule to avoid looking bad to the president." The VP kisses the president's toes and says, "Eighteen months." The caption says, "Meanwhile, the sales people are making up numbers because nobody tells them anything." A man tells a woman, "Two months . . . And it solves every problem you have!" The caption says, "This causes the customers to develop irrational desire for the product." A woman says into the phone, "Give me the 'beta' test version in one month." The caption says, "Thus nature disguises weak products as 'beta.'" The woman looks at a device and says, "Cardboard? That's stupid." Dilbert replies, "Oh . . . Then it's beta."