Reference Group Comic Strips - Page 7
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The Boss, his son, and Dilbert. The Boss points at his son and says, "I hired my son to manage our Technology Development Group." The Boss continues, "He's young, but I'm almost positive he went to college." Dilbert and The Boss' son walk away. Dilbert says, "Where did you go to college?" The Boss' son replies, "Actually, I hid in the attic for four years."
The boss stands. Dilbert sits. The Boss says, "Don't think of yourself as a powerless peon in a box." The Boss says, "You're an agent of change is a dynamic, natural work group." Dilbert stands in front of his cubicle. Dilbert says, "Can I put that on my business cards?" The Boss says, "I'd rather not leave a paper trail."
The Boss stands at the front of the room in front of an easel that says "Morale Problem." The Boss says, "I have a solution to our morale problem." The Boss continues, "We need a nickname for our group." Dilbert raises his hand and asks, "Can it be something scatological?" The Boss replies, "Ummm...no." Wally asks, "How about something that involves monkeys?" The Boss says, "I don't think so." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Oooh...but can it be something that's both scatological AND involves monkeys?" Wally walks out of the meeting and says, "It's hard to be optimistic when he's so grumpy."
The Boss is talking to Alice and Dilbert. He tells them, "Every work group has one sadistic nut who makes the job unbearable for everyone else." The Boss continues, "That's why I hired Dennis." The Boss points to an angry, violent looking man with dark hair. The Boss says, "He already seems indispensible." Dennis screams, "You'll all die in your own vomit!" Alice is appauled.
Wally, Dilbert, the Boss, and others are in a meeting. The Boss introduces the woman next to him to the group. The Boss says, "Patty is our new 'process manager.'" The Boss continues, "Patty doesn't know how to DO anything." He adds, "She only knows how to do things BETTER!" Patty raises a finger, "Process!" Patty says, "For example, this meeting is poorly managed because you have no process." Patty, turning to Asok, continues, "And this intern obviously had no process for deciding whether to attend." The Boss raises his hand. He addresses the group, "Okay, Patty is annoying. All in favor of getting rid of her." The entire group, except for Patty, raises their hands. Asok looks like he's going to strangle her. As they all leave the meeting behind the dejected Patty, Dilbert says to her, "You lasted longer than Timmy the 'Facilitator.'"
The girl with several piercing holds Dilbert's arm and says, "When I saw you wear a bathrobe to work, I knew you were a rebel." The girl says, "From now on, when you come upon a group of us cool rebels, we won't suddenly stop talking." Dilbert and the girl walk up to two heavily pierced men. One of the pierced rebel men says, "But if I'M right and yellow IS a flavor, I get to hammer a nail into YOUR skull."
The boss says to Asok, "Asok, I'm moving you to my "quality assurance" group." Asok gasps. The boss says, "I realize this is bad for you... and bad for the company... but it solves my headcount problem." Asok eats lunch with Dilbert and Wally. Asok says, "Will that be my conreibution to the world: "He solved a headcount problem'?" Wally says, "That tops me."
The Boss says to Wally, who is seated at his computer, "Wally, you are invited to my new 'after-5 club.'" The Boss says, "A select group of employees will meet after work to think of creative ideas." Wally turns to The Boss and says, "Is there a club for people who know how to think during business hours?"
Catbert stands on The Bosses desk and says, "Your compensation is related to the number of people you manage." Catbert says, "Likewise, my career as director of human resources depends on the quantity of employees." Alice and Dilbert look at a group of dumb people. Alice says, "It's as if there were a conspiracy to hire hordes of incompetent employees."
Wally is standing at a large pad with the word "SAFETY" on it, heading a meeting. Wally says, "I'm the newly designated fire warden for this floor." Wally continues, "You might expect me to be bitter about this assignment." ..."Granted, it tells the world I wasn't productive at my regular job." The group looks on as Wally continues, "And if the building burns, I'm expected to be the last one out." Turning over the page on the pad saying, "But my only concern is your safety. The large pad now reveals a sketch of three little stick figures running with the word "AAAGH!" above them. Wally explains, "In the event of a fire, don't be too proud to panic." The next page is a sketch of a stick figure, flying head first, into a toilet. Wally says, "If the windows won't open, try flushing yourself to safety. ..."And never, ever get between me and the exit door." The boss interrupts, "Wally..."